Buying a house together?...

[amaysngrace]

My BF is currently in a jam. His mortgage company upped his payments $240 a month and he's having problems making ends meet as it is.

 

If he can re-finance he may be okay but he needs to look further into that.

 

I am on a fixed income. I am a stay at home mom for the next two years at least until my son turns 12. I don't have lots of extra money either and most of it is spent on my kids, paying bills and basically just getting by.

 

I've thought about how much more comfortable our lives would be if we both sold our homes and bought one together. One utility bill rather than two, etc. I own my house outright and he has about $140K equity in his. The market sucks to sell but if we turn around and buy we'd get a fair purchase price.

 

We've talked about this before, way before, because neither of our financial situations are that wonderful. We both agreed it'd be easier for us as a couple to maintain one home rather than two separate ones. But when you live together problems can arise. We may grow to hate each other and then what?

 

I don't even know if I should bring it up again or not. It's one thing to talk about the future but when you're faced with reality and a change is needed it completely changes everything. It's like if I offer it up then I'll have to follow it through, if he thinks it's a good idea as well.

 

I want to help him, I'd actually love to live with him but I'm not so sure if he can adapt to living with kids. Or me for that matter.

 

Do I bring it up so he knows I'm on his team, wait for him to, or what?

 

If I bring it up and he shoots it down I'll probably take it personally.

 

But if I don't bring it up then he may be too prideful to ask considering the jam he's in.

 

I'm so confused.

[curiousnycgirl]

How about trying to rent out his place for a while, for a price that covers all the expenses, and have him live in your house for a bit. That way you are not selling in this awful market, the bills are covered, and if G-d forbid things don't work out, he has somewhere to go.

 

Once the market turns around, you guys can see how it's been going and then decide if it's time to buy together.

 

Personally I think owning a home together is a huge committment and cannot figure out why folks do it without marriage. But I'm simple that way.

[hotgurl]

Does he have an ARM mortgage? If so the government is helping people refinance.

 

I would say if the only reason you want to move in together is to save money than I would wait. How long have you've been dating?

 

With kids you have to be especially careful because if things don't work out you'll have the harder time adjusting. Moving your kids, being on a fixed income etc..

 

And if you do buy a house together write up a formal legal agreement before you purchase a house. dictating who get what if a breakup happend, what happens if one of you dies. how long you get before you have to move out 30 days , 60, etc...

[amaysngrace]

Personally I think owning a home together is a huge committment and cannot figure out why folks do it without marriage. But I'm simple that way.

 

Because marriage is so final. Or should be anyway. We've both been married before and we enjoy our sex life way too much to ever get married again.

[Micke81]

I'm sure you love your bf and want to help him, but I think this is a terrible idea. You own your house OUTRIGHT...why in the world would you want to give that up? That's not really financially sound.

 

On the other hand, I love the idea of him renting out his place. Sounds like a great plan, and one I'd even consider if the two of you were getting married. Even if he doesn't get to rent it at a high enough price to cover the mortgage, certainly he can rent it for more that $240, so he'd be gaining financial ground. And, if things don't work out between the two of you, cutting ties is easy. If things do...you've got an investment property. This sounds like a win win situation to me.

[hotgurl]

I own a house with my BF but we lived together before buying. Actually we lived together 2-3 years before buying.

 

You just have to be careful and cover your but and have everything in a legal agreement.

 

It is not a great time to sell though. Does he have an adjustable rate mortgage?

[amaysngrace]

Does he have an ARM mortgage? If so the government is helping people refinance.

 

I would say if the only reason you want to move in together is to save money than I would wait. How long have you've been dating?

 

 

 

He's on a fixed rate. The divorce crushed him. He had to buy her out even though he had the initial down payment. His payments nearly doubled and the household income was slashed in half.

 

We've been together for almost a year and a half now. But we don't live together which makes it kind of nice. But living together could be kind of nice too.

 

I don't even know if I should bring it up.

[hotgurl]

Ok I see. is it true that you own your house outright? If that is the case I don't think if would be a great idea esp since you are on a fixed income nad you have kids.

 

I do like the idea of renting his palce. He could even take in tenant.

[a4a]

Grace if you are not comfortable about even bringing up moving into the same house buying a house with him is not a good idea.

 

Trust issues are already at work here.... too many doubts, and too much can happen.

 

Priority is your kids in a stable home with a sure shelter over their heads.

[amaysngrace]

Ok I see. is it true that you own your house outright? If that is the case I don't think if would be a great idea esp since you are on a fixed income nad you have kids.

 

I do like the idea of renting his palce. He could even take in tenant.

 

 

Yes I own my home, no mortgage just taxes. And it's valued higher than his is. But together we could have a better home than I have now and there's one I really like that's on a lake. We could buy it together and probably still avoid a mortgage or it would be slight if there's any at all.

 

It's a good investment for both of us actually.

 

As far as renting his place, he's the type to be really creeped out by that. Sure he could rent it but he'd have a problem living there once the people leave. And I really don't blame him. I'd have a hard time letting strangers live in a house that I plan to live in again.

 

I skeeve easy. Plus you have to worry about how they're taking care of your house. If it's your investment then you have to take good care of it. Renters seem to have a different mindset.

[amaysngrace]

Grace if you are not comfortable about even bringing up moving into the same house buying a house with him is not a good idea.

 

Trust issues are already at work here.... too many doubts, and too much can happen.

 

Priority is your kids in a stable home with a sure shelter over their heads.

 

No the guy's dependable. And I say this with absolute certainty...he won't screw me over simply for the mere fact that I have kids. He wouldn't be able to sleep at night if he felt as though he took advantage of a situation. I know him well.

 

My main problem is if I should suggest it to him or not really. You know they say things that progress should be the guy's idea and all.

 

Truthfully he may not be ready for the responsibility of being a key player in my kids' lives. And if we live together he will have to become some kind of role model although I think he'd be great at it.

 

And if I say nothing that may send him the message that I don't want to be involved or take it a step further when really deep down I think that's what I want.

 

Arrrgh...my head feels sore.

[Mr. Lucky]

Truthfully he may not be ready for the responsibility of being a key player in my kids' lives. And if we live together he will have to become some kind of role model although I think he'd be great at it.

The effect on your kids, rather than any financial considerations, should be #1 on your list. The only thing potentially more damaging to them than his not being good at it would be losing him (if you guys broke up) if he were great at it. I'd go slow and (your sex life aside ) wouldn't do anything outside of marriage. I think anything else sends the wrong message to your children...

 

Mr. Lucky

[dropdeadlegs]

AG, when you don't know what to do it is best to do nothing until you do know what to do (when that is possible, and it is possible in this situation.)

 

Sure things are tight for you, but viewing living together as a financial savings isn't the way to go. If living together is the right thing, saving some money is a nice byproduct, but the more you have the more you spend has always been my experience. You are making ends meet now, and it's not your responsibility to save your BF from his divorce finances. I don't think moving the relationship to a different level should be about money at all.

 

Maybe he should sell and buy himself something more affordable, or rent an apartment and save the equity until you're both more sure of your future together. Maybe he can refinance for a longer term. I haven't been in mortgage lending in nearly two years, but Fannie Mae was rolling out 40 year mortgages when I left.

 

If you really want to try living together, why can't he move in with you, which puts you at less risk, and sell his place? Then there would be little risk to your financial well being and his savings could pay the household expense like utilities and a share of groceries.

[amaysngrace]

Thanks everyone for your ideas and input.

 

Well I decided to tell him "if there's any way that I can help you out just let me know".

 

He thanked me and said he knows that I would help him out but right now he knows I have two little ones that I need to worry about first. He said he'll figure it out.

 

So I don't feel bad now because I offered him my help and he made me feel even better because he was thinking of my kids' first before himself.

 

I love him.