i'm having the thought "i don't know about this."

[zzzzzzz]

ok so

this is kind of a long story but i will try to be concise. so my current girlfriend is a recent divorcee; she's been "formally divorced" for most of this year and we have been getting closer. we are planning on moving in together in november.

most of the time it is fun and our time in the bedroom is very quality

but she has this side to her, a darker side

i'd never really noticed it outside of her tendency to be crabby

like while driving, or b/c she is not happy about work or is hungry or whatever

but recently on a trip to spend time with friends camping she did something which she had never done before. a group of people were gathered 'round a fire and one of the couples wanted it to be 420 but couldn't roll. of course i can and did, but around then it was deemed time to go to the bathroom, get another beer/drink, etc by my gf and perhaps a few others. well when she came back and we were indulging in 420 she freaked out that we didn't wait for her and pushed me down so that my camp chair went over backwards and i bumped my noggin on a rock. this is violence, and i didn't think she was capable of that towards me. anyhow we talked about she was sorry we moved on .

but then this last weekend we spent friday night, saturday night into all day sunday and also called in sick to work so that we could be in bed all monday and whatever. sounds lovely right? anyways we part tuesday morning and i mention that we should maybe watch a movie that she had requested from netflix that night. i got home late from work, so did she. a buddy of mine and i made some impromptu plans during the day, but i called her like around 11 and she was like ok, she was tired, and i proposed we make it up on thursday night- to watch the movie. on thursday afternoon we texted "are we hangin out"/"you betcha!" so when i get home (late) my phone is low so i keep it on the charger in my bedroom on the opposite side of the flat while i prepare some grub for us. and i got the hifi on kinda loud, so i don't hear the phone ring. 9 o clock rolls around and i go check my phone, she left a message, i call back and get her vmail. whoopdedoo. shortly after she comes through the door and immediately starts the "why didn't you call? i was worried" bit and i am like "wha??" and she is ****in pisssed. no "how's it goin?" no hug and kiss, ya know she is mad. so i am like "i'm sorry" and she gets all quiet for like way too long. so i go and try to hug her, she's sitting at the table, and she is like stone still. silent.

so i propose a walk. i gotta pick up some photos at the walgreens and we needed beverages as well. she agree's and is still like all quiet and reserved and i ask her how her day was and she talks for a bit. eventually she loosens up, i finish preparing the dinner, we eat watch some tv and i gave her a little 5 min massage. but then later it's all "you blew me off tuesday, my job is ****ed, i need tenderness" etc. i take it, she's a good girl mostly. we talk about it a little more trying to point out what i did that was nice to her and i propose that we just move on past that. we play some cards and go to bed as two young lovers should. but then this morning (fri) i gotta get to work and i wake up and she's touching the wood so i say "aw don't get me started, i gotta go to work" and she reacts in this way that's kinda bitchy (i don't remember exactly what she said) and i say "here we go again" to which she responds "here YOU go again" and i can tell she is peeved so i get out of bed and say "i'm sorry, i know you've been having a tough week, but i gotta take a shower and get to work. . ." and leave the room. then as i am drying off i hear the door slam.

 

sure enough she ****in left without saying goodbye. this crushed me.

i think i can deal with crabbiness more often than occaisonally, but that leaving without saying goodbye is some bull****. i don't know, she is very emotional, and prone to flights of whichever fancy it is: anger or ecstasy. but it is one of those things that makes me say "hmm."

anyways getting to the end here, so through the course of the fact that we had to talk about stuff so much thur night, (i thought) it was decided that we would go out to dinner and watch the movie fri night. i text her saying i was home and come over whenever, and she calls back and is like (a mutual friend) is going to (pub nearby her crib) and so i am going to go there. so i say "i don't know if i want to do that." meanwhile thinking -is this direct retaliation against me for doing a quite similar thing; -does she remember we made plans to go out for dinner and watch the movie; -**** an a i am pissed at her, so i keep on with the i don't know about that statements. but she goes anyway and i stew. i guess i'm still stewing.

we talk much later and of course i have to bring up the not saying goodbye thing. apparently i made a face at her that made her so mad she just had to go or whatever. i don't get this girl, although there was a point in time when i was SURE that i was in love with her. i ended the phone conversation like i think you should stay at your place and i at mine, which of course she didn't like and called back twice and i didn't answer. i am just really worried about our staying power with these events recently.

 

what do you guys think?

[serial muse]

Sounds like there's something really bugging her, and rather than confiding in you directly (for whatever reason), she's acting out in small ways and hinting at it when she asks you for affection and gets upset when she perceives that it's "withdrawn." She probably got closest to talking with you about it with the "I need some tenderness" but it seems that didn't get any traction, and you guys never actually sat down and had a real conversation about what apparently bad thing is going on in her life, or perhaps what baggage is rearing its ugly head (my guess from what you've written is that she's starting to feel insecure about your feelings for her, perhaps due to whatever happened with her exH). That's not anyone's fault in particular - she could volunteer it, or you could ask directly. It's probably more on her, but she seems to be having trouble talking about it directly, so if you think you might want to be with her, you may need to just ask and coax it out of her. It sounds like you do care still, so if the choices right now are between breaking up with her and asking her what's really bothering her, wouldn't you want to get to the bottom of it first?

 

If so, when you see her next it might be worth sitting her down and saying - look, it seems like there's something that's been really troubling you recently. Will you talk to me about it?

 

By the way - it really doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong; most likely she's just having an insecure spell and is acting out. People often act angry as a way to cover fear. I don't know how her marriage ended or how long it was, but that could factor in. Speaking as a divorcee, I can tell you that it can take some time before really being able to leave it all behind. It may be that she got involved too quickly, but that's not insurmountable - it'll just mean you may have to have more patience than you initially realized. If you want to stay with her, that is.

 

As a side note, bear in mind that the words "here we go again" are never going to take you anywhere good.