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Is this normal for a step dad to look at a step daughter


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Hi, Has any one come accross this??

I have been married 7 years now and my husband is the step dad to my kids. He has been with my kids sense they were small, 10 years. Well I recently cought him trying to look in on my daugher when she was changing. He says there is nothing physical there with her, It was just curiosity. There is no physical attaraction or feelings there he says, The best he could describe was he was curious as to what she looked like. She has really big boobs by the way. And she has no idea this happened.

If this was truely a one time thing. What does anyone think?????

I am devistated, am I over reacting??

Thanks

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Hi, Has any one come accross this??

I have been married 7 years now and my husband is the step dad to my kids. He has been with my kids sense they were small, 10 years. Well I recently cought him trying to look in on my daugher when she was changing. He says there is nothing physical there with her, It was just curiosity. There is no physical attaraction or feelings there he says, The best he could describe was he was curious as to what she looked like. She has really big boobs by the way. And she has no idea this happened.

If this was truely a one time thing. What does anyone think?????

I am devistated, am I over reacting??

Thanks

 

Creepy! Really... I don't buy his excuse... come on... how silly... so it's only out of curiosity that step dads want to see SD change... come on... give your head a shake... this man is SICK!!!!!

 

You put your daughter in jeopardy with this creep... I would HATE him... really I would.

 

I had daughter when I was in College... then my first ex moved with me... and if I would have caught him doing this or anything similar he would have been out the door real quick...

 

My daughter is beautiful always been... mind you she didn't have big boobs but still this is NOT a reason for him to be curious.

 

I would never ever put my children in danger with a pedophile... because whether you like it or not... this is pedophile behaviour.

 

Sorry but I wouldn't want to be in your shoes... think of your daughter first.

 

What a jerk!!! I can't believe this! :mad:

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This is seriously horrible. 7 years? You've been with him for such a long time. You've never noticed anything else out of the ordinary?

 

The other two are right. This is pedophile behavior. I don't think it just develops over night either. I seriously think you should think about approaching your daughter with a few well thought out questions. I don't want to put you in a panic or anything, but you need to think of her well being and make sure nothing happened to her in the past, and make sure of course that nothing happens to her in the future.

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NO . This is not normal , and it is not curiosity . Its disgusting ! He's spying on your child while she is getting undressed . This IMO is worse than a stranger peeping tom , this is someone she loves and trusts violating her . Get rid of this guy FAST.

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I agree with you all.

And I have talked to my daughter. I am sure nothing has ever happened.

She is almost 18 and is very smart. The mand I married had a hard child hood and has recovered from drinking 12 years ago. But i guess still has some sort of addictive behavior. I have seen nothing go one around the house until now. I am very opened eyes to this sort of stuff sense I have kids at this age.I watch everything they do with their friends ect.

I am just trying to, I guess look at all my options, and be sure this wasn't a fluke thing before I freak out and file for divorce. Although i am very creaped and freaked out right now. This is terrible.

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He admitted to spying on your daughter while she undressed. What more do you need to know? Your concern is warrented and getting away from this man is a good idea. This of what you would have done had it been a stranger peeping in on your daughter.

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I agree with you all.

And I have talked to my daughter. I am sure nothing has ever happened.

She is almost 18 and is very smart. The mand I married had a hard child hood and has recovered from drinking 12 years ago. But i guess still has some sort of addictive behavior. I have seen nothing go one around the house until now. I am very opened eyes to this sort of stuff sense I have kids at this age.I watch everything they do with their friends ect.

I am just trying to, I guess look at all my options, and be sure this wasn't a fluke thing before I freak out and file for divorce. Although i am very creaped and freaked out right now. This is terrible.

 

What a relief, that you are certian nothing happened to her in the past! Now you can leave knowing that you have prevented anything from happening in the future.

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I agree with you all.

And I have talked to my daughter. I am sure nothing has ever happened.

She is almost 18 and is very smart. The mand I married had a hard child hood and has recovered from drinking 12 years ago. But i guess still has some sort of addictive behavior. I have seen nothing go one around the house until now. I am very opened eyes to this sort of stuff sense I have kids at this age.I watch everything they do with their friends ect.

I am just trying to, I guess look at all my options, and be sure this wasn't a fluke thing before I freak out and file for divorce. Although i am very creaped and freaked out right now. This is terrible.

 

She must be shocked that you even ask her those questions... wow... If she didn't know what happened, she must have freaked out...

 

I bet you caught him that time but it wasn't the first time... :eek:

 

Doesn't matter what kind of childhood he had.. lots of people had ****ty childhood or drinking problems and they don't become pedophiles... don't excuse his sick behaviour.

 

If this would have happened to me.. . I would have totally lost respect for my him...I would have seen him like a disgusting scum bag... I just can't love someone I don't respect.

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Yes, that is how I feel about him. I do think he is a scum bag.

And I talked with my daughter but didn't tell her excatly what happened.

I don't want her to be scared forever over this. I haven't decided how to go about it all yet. My husband is a emotional basket case sense this happend, to the point of having very bad panic attacks and depression.

He hasn't been out of our room sense , not even to work.

I have to think long and hard on how to go about the next step. Selling the house etc. My kids and I will be gone over the weekend. I need a break.

Thanks for all the input. I would still like more.

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Something you said concerned me a little. You said he has an addictive personality. You're not using that as an excuse for this kind of behavior are you?

 

I have an addictive personality too. I also have a 20 year stepson who I've been a stepmom to since he was 7. He's a very good-looking, in shape kid. Would I ever even THINK to do what your H did? That is really sick. Never. This has NOTHING to do with having an addictive personality.

 

Having an addictive personality doesn't manifest itself in this kind of sick way, I assure you. Never. He has an issue that is WAY worse than that.

 

They arrest people for what he did you know. He's no better than a common peeping tom. He's worse actually...his own stepdaughter who he helped raise. Disgusting.

 

I'm glad you're leaving him. He can never be trusted around your daughter.

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whichwayisup
Hi, Has any one come accross this??

I have been married 7 years now and my husband is the step dad to my kids. He has been with my kids sense they were small, 10 years. Well I recently cought him trying to look in on my daugher when she was changing. He says there is nothing physical there with her, It was just curiosity. There is no physical attaraction or feelings there he says, The best he could describe was he was curious as to what she looked like. She has really big boobs by the way. And she has no idea this happened.

If this was truely a one time thing. What does anyone think?????

I am devistated, am I over reacting??

Thanks

 

You are not overreacting at all! It's wrong, it's inappropriate and the fact he is 'curious' to see what she looks like is CREEPY!

 

My husband is a emotional basket case sense this happend, to the point of having very bad panic attacks and depression.

He hasn't been out of our room sense , not even to work.

I have to think long and hard on how to go about the next step

 

Then suggest - No - TELL him he must seek counselling. Something is very wrong here...And I doubt that was the 'only' time he's watched her.

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Any man peeping at a 17 year-old who's changing is creepy...even worse when it's a man who's been her father for ten years. I'm also glad you're leaving.

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He already said he would so counseling and get help for what ever he needs. Do I stand by him during this, Or still just leave?

Nothing like this runs in there family and he doesn't seam this type at all.

Thsi is very out of the ordinary. Just crazy.

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Any man peeping at a 17 year-old who's changing is creepy...even worse when it's a man who's been her father for ten years. I'm also glad you're leaving.

 

Where did she say she was leaving him?

 

Did I miss something?

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Let me throw something else crazy out there and see what you all have to say.

He says he will take a lie detectore test no problem right now and say he has never seen her nude and also that he has never looked in her room before this time.

What would you all say to this??

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Let me throw something else crazy out there and see what you all have to say.

He says he will take a lie detectore test no problem right now and say he has never seen her nude and also that he has never looked in her room before this time.

What would you all say to this??

 

What's the difference? Why would any woman want to be with a man who has even done that one time? I wouldn't.

 

I also don't buy that it was the first time. Highly unlikely. But even so. That's like saying I never tried to kill someone before this one time. Could you excuse someone for trying to kill someone just because they had never tried before?

 

And I'm not comparing this to murder or anything..just showing that a misdeed is a misdeed. It's not relevant whether it was the first time or not. It doesn't make it any less wrong.

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Where did she say she was leaving him?

 

Did I miss something?

 

I have to think long and hard on how to go about the next step. Selling the house etc. My kids and I will be gone over the weekend. I need a break.

 

This tells me that she's going, not that she's considering on whether or not she's going.

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Let me throw something else crazy out there and see what you all have to say.

He says he will take a lie detectore test no problem right now and say he has never seen her nude and also that he has never looked in her room before this time.

What would you all say to this??

 

He's full of crap... He knows you won't push him to get one...

These tests are not 100% accurate anyway...

My guess is that, no matter what we say, you already made your mind, you won't leave him...

But hey, only YOU know what's best for YOU and your KIDS.

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I know this it totally wrong and that I have to leave.

I guess I am just grasping for a miracle wand to explaine things and make them ok. Thats all.

I just need to think about how to go about it.

Thanks to all of you, I need to leave now for the weekend.

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whichwayisup
He already said he would so counseling and get help for what ever he needs. Do I stand by him during this, Or still just leave?

Nothing like this runs in there family and he doesn't seam this type at all.

Thsi is very out of the ordinary. Just crazy.

 

Was he sexually abused as a child or a teen?

 

I think you should go talk to a therapist as well, all this has nothing to do with you...Either way, the damage has been done and talking to someone can help you as well.

 

He has problems/issues going on inside of him, and now he's been caught, he's ashamed, disguisted with himself.

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He has problems/issues going on inside of him, and now he's been caught, he's ashamed, disguisted with himself.

 

My guess is that he's ashamed cause he's been caught...but I doubt very much that he's not disgusted with himself... He will just be more careful next time.... ;)

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whichwayisup
Let me throw something else crazy out there and see what you all have to say.

He says he will take a lie detectore test no problem right now and say he has never seen her nude and also that he has never looked in her room before this time.

What would you all say to this??

 

He should do the test anyway.

 

I know this it totally wrong and that I have to leave.

I guess I am just grasping for a miracle wand to explaine things and make them ok. Thats all.

I just need to think about how to go about it.

Thanks to all of you, I need to leave now for the weekend.

 

I am sorry for your pain. The man who you loved for so long may not be the person you thought he was...And, even if it was that ONE time, the damage has been done, trust was broken.

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Its up to you if you give him a "second" chance - I don't think I could bear to.

 

If you do I would speak to your daughter. Do not sow any seeds of insecurities and do NOT mention her step father but have a girl to girl talk and tell her to let you know if "anyone" touches her or makes her feel uncomfortable in any way to let you know. Councel her to be a descrete without making her feel guilty or in any way insecure about her body.

 

Watch you husband like a hawk - it is NOT curiosity and it IS creepy.

 

I would let your husband know if you ever catch him even looking in your daughters direction in a sexual way you will leave his ass dry. Quite frankly I don't know if I would stay with him.

 

I cannot tell you how creepy that is. This is not the first time he has looked at her this is the first time he has been caught.

 

 

Reckless.

 

I also hate Woody Allen.

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Was he sexually abused as a child or a teen?

 

I think you should go talk to a therapist as well, all this has nothing to do with you...Either way, the damage has been done and talking to someone can help you as well.

 

He has problems/issues going on inside of him, and now he's been caught, he's ashamed, disguisted with himself.

 

There's a good chance he could have been. A large percentage of people who were sexually abused, and have not been treated with therapy become abusers as well.

 

I know this it totally wrong and that I have to leave.

I guess I am just grasping for a miracle wand to explaine things and make them ok. Thats all.

I just need to think about how to go about it.

Thanks to all of you, I need to leave now for the weekend.

 

I can't imagine what you must be going through. Your life has been turned upside down in one day. I'm sorry that you have had to go through this. But you must think of your children's safety. I'm sure you'll do the right thing.

 

A lie detector test won't make anything better. It won't change what he's liable to do in the future.

 

Ugh, I wouldn't ever be able to look at him again, if i were in your shoes.

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