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Pursuing women in relationships


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Old 23rd July 2007, 12:07 AM   #1
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Pursuing women in relationships

Ok, I'm giving seconds thoughts to this. While "if she cheated on him, it means she could cheat on you" are words of caution well heeded, I'm curious.

If a girl is attractive, has things going for her, it is likely, though not a given, that she is involved. In fact, many women, great ones in fact, will stay in relationships (men do it too) past their expiration date because it is better than nothing. I may be a better match than the guys they are with.

I guess what I'm saying is, why have the attitude "girlfriend, hands off." I'm not advocating heavily flirting or escalating, but asking questions like "what is it like being in a relationship?" and saying "I really enjoyed talking with you, how can we continue this?" Is that really inappropriate. The reality is that good women are taken -- though this does not imply if you are not taken your are somehow worse off or lack value -- but sometimes, their are chinks in the armor of their relationships. Many people do meet the loves of their lives by stealing them away so to speak.

I guess my view is that pursuing is wrong, but expressing interest is not, and you can let the other party decide if they'd like to continue the interaction without being a disrespectful, douchebag creep.

this isn't a long-held belief of mine; until this weekend, I thought "taken = taken." But I know people in long term relationships who started otherwise. Does it make them bad people? I know I want someone with integrity, and I'm not suggesting I'd sexually involve myself with someone taken, but is there anything wrong with a little flirting and expressing interest?

I want to say YES to that question, but the reality of the matter is that many people, men and women, aren't invested in their committed relationships and are waiting for someone else to bail. That does suck and screams a lack of integrity, but it is human.

Last edited by oppath; 23rd July 2007 at 12:09 AM..
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Old 23rd July 2007, 12:22 AM   #2
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Weak humans are essentially monkeys. They won't let go of one branch until their hand is on another.

I guess I don't have a problem with what you're suggesting, but it all hinges on this line:

Quote:
I guess my view is that pursuing is wrong, but expressing interest is not, and you can let the other party decide if they'd like to continue the interaction without being a disrespectful, douchebag creep.
That's a thin line to be walking.
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Old 23rd July 2007, 12:25 AM   #3
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I'm not saying I intend on walking this line. I have no plans to do this. In fact, I want someone who knows themselves well enough to be on their own and to end a relationship if they know it doesn't meet everything they want. So I guess this line of thinking does me no good. But I'm just curious, because in reality, it happens all the time. I mean, it happens ALL THE TIME.

Last edited by oppath; 23rd July 2007 at 12:35 AM..
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Old 1st August 2007, 5:57 PM   #4
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The problem is that you end up being a rebound. It's better that the girl breaks up on her own then becomes single again to think about what she wants and then maybe you can enter the picture. It's also a way for you to avoid the drama with a girl following a break up.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 3:24 AM   #5
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It does seem that a lot of people need their prospective partner to be validated by already being in a relationship. I've had other women (particularly my mother) tell me I should just go out with men I'm really not into, because that way I'll be more likely to meet a guy I do actually like.

It's an approach that strikes me as pretty mercenary - but maybe one a woman should take if she wishes to be perceived as having some value?
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Old 3rd August 2007, 3:34 AM   #6
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While I know you say you won't go there oppath, please don't. It's too easy to cross the line when presented with possibilities. The human mind can justify almost anything, if there's something it wants badly enough.
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Old 3rd August 2007, 3:35 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oppath View Post
I want to say YES to that question, but the reality of the matter is that many people, men and women, aren't invested in their committed relationships and are waiting for someone else to bail. That does suck and screams a lack of integrity, but it is human.
women are generally the ones who start and end relationships 75% of the time....

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Originally Posted by lindya View Post
I've had other women (particularly my mother) tell me I should just go out with men I'm really not into, because that way I'll be more likely to meet a guy I do actually like.
Your mother is a very wise woman LINDYA. In my experience, I get more women hitting on me when I'm actively dating someone.
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