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When he says he doesn't know what he wants...


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what does this mean to you?

 

 

I have always been told it really means they don't know how to tell you they don't want to be with you...what are your thoughts?

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Ive been here before...im a guy...hes thinking he can do better than you and he is afraid of committing to you...it means he likes you and is thinking that he might want to be with you, but also, theres this feeling that he thinks he can get someone better ;)

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hmmm well my bf after finding him chatting personal things to another girl on the phone on the weekend (was suppose to be business) but ended up her wanting him to take the call off loud speaker so she could speak to him about her bad relationship with her man.Now this woman he wanted to leave me for some time back now but she told him she wasn't interested hence he made a go of things with me so it seems.When I had spoken to her on the phone back then as it caused all kinds of dramas she assured me she was having no more to do with him...yeah right.

He was storing his things at the business she works at and the call was suppose to be business related...to cut a long story short she started with the yada yadas and he fell for it.I was upset as I would be and had a lot to say to him in regards to once again overstepping the boundaries.He was very interested in her some months ago and it seems by her speaking to him about personal issues she could be very well inviting him to once again start calling etc her again.

Soooooooooooo after our arguement once again( and yes when we ague WE ARGUE) only because he just simply has no idea how things like this affect me.Afterwards he then tells me he does not know what he wants....I asked him what he meant,he just says he doesn't know,he just is not sure anymore.I asked him if he wanted to move out...get his own space etc,he said no...that he wants to be with me.That he has been like this for many years on and off not knowing what he wants.He told me he loved me,that that was not the problem but he feels I can no longer trust him anymore,that I am always thinking he is going to be calling some girl or hooking up with someone....but I believe its far more then this.

I asked him once again to move out,that we are best to go our seperate ways...he spends the afternoon holding me and telling me how much he loves me.

I am really really confused as I want to be with him but am feeling he wants to be now with this other woman....but he wont admit it.I have once again given him every opportunity to move out but he insists he doesn't want to,that he wants to make us work and wants me to be there for him.

I am so close to just packing his things now.Oh yeah,he also saw this on the weekend,my posts on this forrum.He was not happy and compared me posting up here to him having that female friend and talking to her....a bit of a difference huh?.I told him it's a place for me to vent and possibly get a little advice as I dont have a lot of friends and never have been one to talk to others about my problems so here I am typing up on here.

He can think there is someone better out there but honestly she has a lot to deal with...I have done so much for him and have gone through so much too and still going through it.The woman would have to be deaf,dumb,blind and stupid...

I am going to ask him now if he thinks there is someone better out there for him and see what he says....and move on because thats where I am now...about to move on from this relationship.

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right...hes searching for other girls..ive been there...id be extremely cautious...hes not interested for some reason...it does look like tho that he does like you a lot and so maybe he'll wise up and settle with you..good luck, hope he pulls through for ya lol

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I have given him every opportunity to get out of this relationship.I have asked him if he loves me and he assures me that's not what it is.I have asked him if he wants to be with me and he says he does.I asked him what is it and he tells me that he is scared.You see,he was married for 5 years and it ended only around 2 years ago,he has a daughter that he does not see only due to his ex being so difficult and the fact they live so far away.

He works long hours,comes home greeting me with loving hugz and kisses like last night he was coming up to me while I was cooking dinner and saying how worried he is about me and that he loves me very much but is scared.I have read on here and talked to other friends about what it means when someone says that they don't know what they want and they have all pretty much said the same thing as you all,if this is the case then could he be just lying to me?I have begged him to tell the truth here,I don't want to be with someone that either thinks the grass is greener on the other side and could be waiting to just find someone else if he hasn't already got someone in mind and wait till that progresses so he can move from here to there....

I don't know what to think only he has said he wants to work things out and wants me to be there for him.That he has rushed into in the past by moving in with other women....but wants to take things here a day at a time.

Counfusing!

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This might hurt.

 

He may not know want he wants, but he knows what he doesn't want: you.

 

:(

 

then why BS about it?I am confused here and if things don't change I will be moving on with my life,I don't need to be messed around.

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I t sounds like he wants the best of both worlds.

 

 

I have thought this as well and have asked him time and time again and get the same reply...that he wants me,that he wants to be with me,that he does not want to be with anyone else....maybe it's time I bring 'cheaters' in lol..

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doiask42much

I think he's stalling for time, waiting to see what happens with that other woman, and if not, he will have you to fall back on. That or he doesn't want to look like the bad guy in this breakup? I definitely would not believe his sweet words, though, as much as you might want to. He does not have your best interests at heart, from all that you have told us.

 

Really sorry to hear how badly things have deteriorated, Aussie. Sounds like you need to get out ASAP, for your own well-being. This man is definitely messing you about, whether he means to or not.

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I agree with doiask42much. He might not be doing it intentionally, but he's just using you to fall back on. He's scared, yes, but he's scared of being alone, of losing you. But he doesn't want you for you, he wants you for the company.

 

I've been there, done that. I was with a guy who would waver - he wasn't sure what he wanted, two days later he thought he wanted to marry me, going back to being utterly unsure... for almost six years. It was so frustrating because I KNEW I was worth more than that. And yet he'd keep me with "I love you"s and sorrys and sorry explanations. And I actually felt BAD for him. After I left, he said that he'd built his future around marrying me. Right.

 

I guarantee, get away from this situation, and with a little time, you'll be wondering why you wasted your time on such a loser. To someone out there, you are a prize, the best thing that will ever happen to them. Why settle for "I don't know"?

 

I've got a guy now who is absolutely sure he wants me. I feel appreciated and loved every single day.

 

This guy doesn't appreciate you.

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GoodOnPaper

Aussie,

 

I think your instincts and everyone's posts are spot on. When your bf says he "doesn't know what he wants", he's probably being truthful, but that statement, his indecisiveness, and his being semi-secretive reveal at least a couple of long-term issues on his part that don't bode well for your relationship and his emotional state.

 

1. Conflict avoidance -- being wishy-washy and "trying to have the best of both worlds" in this way is not a healthy thing.

 

2. Thinking the grass is always greener . . . is a sign that he should evaluate what he wants out of life independent of women. He may be trying to get too much of his self-acceptance from his sexual relationships.

 

right...hes searching for other girls..ive been there...id be extremely cautious...hes not interested for some reason...it does look like tho that he does like you a lot and so maybe he'll wise up and settle with you..good luck, hope he pulls through for ya lol

 

The word "settle" made me think of this: If you two stay together, be very alert for signs that he feels he "settled" for you. Speaking from personal experience, this feeling doesn't go away over time and could cause lots of problems in the long-term. Good luck, I hope things work out.

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