He is so so angry with me...

[Aussie65]

My relationship with my live in BF has been rocky with him in the beginning texting and talking to other women hence causing a lot of insecuritites with me.

I know he has been making an effort but it's going to take some time for him to rebuild that trust I should have for him and he knows this.

I love him dearly but his new job when he was filling out the paperwork asked if he had any objections to going out of state working,he was not told this nor I and well....bad timing as far as im concerned.

Last night he comes home from work and tells me that there is a trip in two weeks,the guys (well those that can) will be going away working many many miles away from here for weeks.I asked him what he told them and he said that he was "thinking about it".I said to him "your thinking about it?what happened to you telling me a week ago it's a single mans life?" ...I guess that's all changed now but either way,he was thinking about it with no consideration towards what I thought at all and he could have at least discussed this with me.I just believe he wants to do it so he's going to regardless of me.

The thing is,I have been through so much with him I don't think I can emotionally deal with this right now.....I know these guys get out working and when they are not are out at the hotels drinking and picking up girls.I know I have a problem with trust but that is something he really has to work on like I said but this trip honestly will just crush me.

We argued over this last night and he was talking about moving out....this morning he got up and told me he wasn't but I do believe it's going to be on his terms and I won't even have a say in this whole trip of his.I don't know what to do,I don't want to lose him but I want him to understand where I am coming from too.

[disconcertainly]

This is tuff situation. I know exactly how you feel. Here is what you don't want;

1. Him to feel that you are needy

2. Being a drama queen

3. controling and selfish

 

I have found that when ever I have to talk about issues it is best for me to wait until I can handle it without crying or getting so mad I can't see.

Try talking with him and never using the words "I feel"...use ... You think instead guys tend to tune out when the word FEEL is used for some reason. Just ask him to sit down and talk. Let him know up front there is no yelling or raising voices and if that happens just tell him to cool down and talk about it later.

You would be shocked at what comes out when anger, and an overflow of emotions are not envolved. Let me know what happens.

 

Make him remember why he loves you and you need to remember why you love him other than he is habbit! good luck!

[Aussie65]

This is tuff situation. I know exactly how you feel. Here is what you don't want;

1. Him to feel that you are needy

2. Being a drama queen

3. controling and selfish

 

I have found that when ever I have to talk about issues it is best for me to wait until I can handle it without crying or getting so mad I can't see.

Try talking with him and never using the words "I feel"...use ... You think instead guys tend to tune out when the word FEEL is used for some reason. Just ask him to sit down and talk. Let him know up front there is no yelling or raising voices and if that happens just tell him to cool down and talk about it later.

You would be shocked at what comes out when anger, and an overflow of emotions are not envolved. Let me know what happens.

 

Make him remember why he loves you and you need to remember why you love him other than he is habbit! good luck!

 

I am feeling right now like crap and that I have possibly driven him in the wrong direction.I posted on a board earlier that the sex between us has diminished to sometimes weeks...I have tried speaking to him about this and being understanding but he tells me he cannot give me what I want...then goes and reassures me he loves me.I have hung in here with this guy all for love...don't we someimtes put ourselves through so much when we know there are plenty out there that would not have you feeling so bad but I cannot just walk away now but am feeling he is now looking for a way out and this trip is one of them.

I know he is male and guys don't always know the right things to say to us women but surely common sense can tell him it just not is the right time to be springing this on me especially knowing how emotional I am right now due to his past actions.

I have text him today and called...no reply,I just think he is avoiding me now.Last night he told me that all his past girlfriends compplained of his "lack of" intimacy.He hugs,he kisses....he comes onto me big time when the time isn't right but when we are alone in bed...NOTHING,he just wants to sleep.Due to the lack of intimacy I feel unwanted...somewhat unloved and yes...very very needy but I love him so much I can't bare to lose him but can see my responses to him lately are only going to drive him away and if he goes on this trip then I really feel he will cheat on me because of the way things have been between us.

I believe if he was offered to go away like this and he cared deeply enough about me then he would have just told them 'no I can't go sorry' and said nothing to me.....not yet,maybe sometime in the future I will feel secure enough for him to go on these trips but remembering these are trips they use for the single guys and you know what single guys get up to.

I am now clutching at straws....I don't know which way to turn.I usually try speaking to him but he always comes back with a "WHAT NOW" attitude.I am just a soft hearted loving person and all I need from him is love and to meet me halfway on things.

Yes I sound insecure...I AM!but like I said it was his cheating ways in the beginning that made me this way...I took him back after he begged for forgiveness and he would come to my door every day writing nice notes and calling me up saying how much he loved me.Now I just feel like he is taking me for granted.

His response to this is....I am always finding something.So yes I have kicked him out when I caught him kissing another girl...I kicked him out when he was keeping "close " contact with an ex bonk of his and I have taken him back every time but it still plays on my mind.Maybe I should have just given up when it first happened and walked away...people have told me this many times but I can't....I love him and I now am not coping with some of the choices he makes which I feel are inconciderate towards me.

Needy...emotional,screwed up,you name it...im an emotional train wreck.

[disconcertainly]

I understand. But I have found that advice is something you ask for when you already know the answer but wish you did not.

Just think that over and you know what you have to do.

Good Luck and try to function today.

[ash519]

Aussie- I kinda understand where you are coming from but not to the full extent. My bf and I have been together for 2 years and he has told me like 6-7 lies. It always pretty much had to do with the same thing...parties and what time he was there until because i'd get mad. Anyway, the last time it happend he realized i was going to leave and since then he hasnt been lying. BUT i also had to do a few things, stop snooping, relax, and try adn not to read into things so much. I have improved but am not 100%. Anyway, so he just got a brand new job. It is going to include some traveling. Next week is his 1st week and he will be gone from Monday-Thursday. Does it make me insecure, yeah. Do I give myself the "What if's", yeah i do...such as, what if they go to strip clubs, what if he met someone and had her stay at the hotel, how would i ever know.........Then i was like "This is going to be part of his job, i have chosen to stay with him and therefore I am choosing to trust him."

 

In your case, this is his job. Relax on it. You chose to stay with him so you have to choose to trust him.....or not.

 

I know it's hard, like i said, i am not 100% on all this...and even other things like when he goes out late with his buddies drinking and to after gatherings etc...but he has always enjoyed this stuff. He chose to be with me and loves me and i have to trust him with my heart...if you absolutely cant do that then leave him. It is something you need to decide, and if you make that decision you then have to choose to work on that (your insecurity) and yourself.

[doiask42much]

Sorry to hear things are going so badly, Aussie. Seems just last week or so that things were copacetic enough and that you were considering doing more things on your own to help him miss you and take you for granted a little less. I feel like you are my only friend on LS; I wish I could tell you something helpful that would ease your hurt and insecurities. It doesn't sound like he is willing to meet you halfway or even a quarter of the way and if you stay you are going to continue to get hurt and feel bad about yourself. I know you love him and it's not easy to walk away, but you have to love yourself more and take care of you. It sounds like he has a bad track record and your reasons for feeling insecure are justified, yet he's not willing to do what it will take to earn back your trust. Given that it seems he's avoiding you, maybe you'll have no choice but to walk away. It may be for the best, as it seems you don't have the will to do so on your own.