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People will respect you as much as you respect yourself in relationships


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There are many people on here going through problems that are at their core caused by lack of self respect.

 

If a man goes around begging a woman to love him and blaming himself after she cheats on him and blames him he has no respect for himself

 

If a woman stays with a man who thinks women are beneath him and it is her job to be his maid she has no respect for herself

 

If a man stays with a woman who treats him lower than dirt and belittles him every chance she gets while blaming himself for it he has no respect for himself

 

If a woman dates a man who already has a wife and actually is suprised when she gets hurt she has no respect for herself

 

If more people of both genders demanded to be treated with the same level of respect they have for themselves many of these problems would solve themselves.

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RecordProducer

I must slightly "correct" your conclusion in order that it is according to my taste: I think you can get more in life if you respect yourself and don't settle for less. You have less chance to get hurt if you don't let people hurt you and if you remove yourself from hurtful situations either before or after they happen.

 

But I disagree that people actually WILL respect you more if you respect yourself. Those who are disrespectful, who cheat, who treat others badly will only be deprived from the chance to do it to YOU if you respect yourself. Or they will find other, less obvious ways, to mistreat you. But they will never treat anyone with respect, because THEY are the ones who don't have self-respect and hence the lack of respect and love for others.

 

You shouldn't create strategies to deal with jerks - you should avoid them. ;)

 

By the way, how's your marriage? :)

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I must slightly "correct" your conclusion in order that it is according to my taste: I think you can get more in life if you respect yourself and don't settle for less. You have less chance to get hurt if you don't let people hurt you and if you remove yourself from hurtful situations either before or after they happen.

 

But I disagree that people actually WILL respect you more if you respect yourself. Those who are disrespectful, who cheat, who treat others badly will only be deprived from the chance to do it to YOU if you respect yourself. Or they will find other, less obvious ways, to mistreat you. But they will never treat anyone with respect, because THEY are the ones who don't have self-respect and hence the lack of respect and love for others.

 

You shouldn't create strategies to deal with jerks - you should avoid them. ;)

 

By the way, how's your marriage? :)

 

 

My marriage is great. People say the first year is hard but it has been great for us. I am very lucky and I know it.

 

I just think that if people respect themselves others usually won't even try to do them wrong. Jerks and B1tches look for easy targets and they will look elsewhere if they see you are not easy.

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RecordProducer
My marriage is great. People say the first year is hard but it has been great for us. I am very lucky and I know it.

 

I just think that if people respect themselves others usually won't even try to do them wrong. Jerks and B1tches look for easy targets and they will look elsewhere if they see you are not easy.

I am very, very happy for your marriage. That's fantastic and you've been married long enough to say that this is IT. :bunny::)

 

In my experience, when I've shown immense pride and self-respect, I've only managed to throw the other party on their knees temporarily. However, I don't think that's respect. That's a mind game, where you have to put extreme effort to stay on your feet and not fall. Some people are just sh*tty, frustrated, and they can't respect anyone unless they know where their place is. If they can put you in the corner, they will - that's your statement. Well if somebody wants to use his power to put me in the corner, I certainly won't try to show him that I won't be in the corner - he doesn't deserve me altogether.

 

All those power games burn our precious energy and stress us out. They are completely unnecessary in life. People should have respect for each other by default, regardless of who is dominant and who is submissive, who's scary and mightily and who's weak and meek. Those who have vanity instead of self-esteem, spite instead of understanding, and enforce authority instead of compassion are not welcome in my heart. My door is closed and locked twice for them.

 

I am who I am: sweet, bitter, sensitive, strong, cheerful, depressive... and if someone wants to use my weaknesses against me, THEY SUCK, not me. I will certainly not chnage for anyone to respect me more.

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If a man stays with a woman who treats him lower than dirt and belittles him every chance she gets while blaming himself for it he has no respect for himself

 

Well, speaking as someone who has been there, this is not entirely true. Sometimes a man puts other things ahead of his personal happiness on his list of priorities... like honoring marriage or wanting to help someone through a bad time.

 

It's easy to paint these behaviors with a broad brush, but it isn't that simple. There is a shred of truth to your post however, and I would agree that the majority of the problems faced on this site are due to people not respecting themselves enough to end the crap.

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In general I agree, too. I have certainly suffered in the past due to my own lack of self esteem. I have garnered a great amount of esteem being fortunate enough to have found someone who truly values me and respects me for who I am. I hope I have grown enough to sustain that self esteem in the event we were to break up. I think I have, but only time will tell. I think I honestly didn't even recognize that I wasn't treated with respect in the past. Recognition is the first step to overcoming something.

 

It is true that I read many posts where I see that the OP doesn't value themselves in an appropriate way. I probably could always see this in others, yet not in my own choices.

 

It is something I may always struggle with, but awareness is helping. Taking myself out of the situation and thinking about how I would advise another is valuable to me.

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It's simple, really.

 

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. If you don't love yourself, you will not understand how to love others. If you do not have healthy personal boundaries then you will not understand love or respect.

 

Learn them all and you'll find happiness.

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mental_traveller

Respect yourself.

Only associate seriously with people who treat you with respect.

For those that don't show you respect, if you can't get rid of them then at least make them fear you.

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Sorry to hijack, but how can someone learn more self-respect? I have let my last relationship really get to me and it has knocked down my self-esteem. I don't know how to get that back.

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It's simple, really.

 

If you don't respect yourself, no one else will. If you don't love yourself, you will not understand how to love others. If you do not have healthy personal boundaries then you will not understand love or respect.

 

Learn them all and you'll find happiness.

 

Respect yourself.

Only associate seriously with people who treat you with respect.

For those that don't show you respect, if you can't get rid of them then at least make them fear you.

 

I agree. And Motor- I don't know if there is a formula for gaining self respect. Look after yourself, surround yourself with friends and family who love you, do things that you enjoy and are good at..... take pride in yourself.. don't settle for less when it comes to a relationship. I think if you are coming out of a R, take the time to enjoy being single before u start another R. It takes time, but it works.

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Sorry to hijack, but how can someone learn more self-respect? I have let my last relationship really get to me and it has knocked down my self-esteem. I don't know how to get that back.

Talk to CaliGuy. He has garnered a lot of self respect and he is very helpful. Send him a PM and he will tell you how he found or nurtured self esteem.

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For those that don't show you respect, if you can't get rid of them then at least make them fear you.

 

Interesting. What are clean, effective, legal ways of doing so?

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Salicious Crumb

If a woman dates a man who already has a wife and actually is suprised when she gets hurt she has no respect for herself

 

Uh oh...watch out Woggle...you are playing with fire with that statement....oh my.

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Uh oh...watch out Woggle...you are playing with fire with that statement....oh my.

 

Why is he playing with fire? (Note: this is causing thread drift.)

 

If someone actively chooses a significant other who is known to cheat on relationships, why should such a person expect to somehow be so special and different that the significant other with the known history of cheating will somehow develop different sexual morals and decide to not cheat on said person as well?

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If more people of both genders demanded to be treated with the same level of respect they have for themselves many of these problems would solve themselves.

That is very nice and idealistic WOGGLE but you're forgetting about the following items:

  • few people have perfect up-bringings and childhoods, this is a big part of what type of adult you become
  • you're assuming that logic trumps emotions, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't
  • many people have many problems ranging from medical to financial to emotional to whatever
  • if everyone was perfect and had good self-esteem then the world would be quite a boring place
  • the "human condition" basically says that humans are meant to suffer to some extent because of our imperfectness

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That is very nice and idealistic WOGGLE but you're forgetting about the following items:

  • few people have perfect up-bringings and childhoods, this is a big part of what type of adult you become

 

May childhood was hell yet I am smart enough to know this. If I can rise from a bad childhood anybody can.

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I think self respect differs greatly between people who are submissive and people who are dominant, and there are people who share qualities of both. I have learned from my last relationship, that I am a submissive and passive person, qualities I've seen in myself for quite some time, but have never been taken advantage of by someone, therefore I hadn't looked at it until now. I am now in the grueling process of rebuilding my self respect and confidence, both of which were lost in sacrafices I made to make her happy. I am trying to find a middle ground, which I think provides the best chemistry for a relationship to work. If one person is always giving (submissive) and one is always taking (dominant), as was in my case, you could say "I lost respect for that person because they let themself get walked all over" or "I lost respect because they walked all over that person". A mix of both personalities is where I think the most self respect occurs, because it's noble and sweet to make compromises and sacrafices, but admirable and inspiring for a person to know when to stand up for themself too.

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I think self respect differs greatly between people who are submissive and people who are dominant, and there are people who share qualities of both. I have learned from my last relationship, that I am a submissive and passive person, qualities I've seen in myself for quite some time, but have never been taken advantage of by someone, therefore I hadn't looked at it until now. I am now in the grueling process of rebuilding my self respect and confidence, both of which were lost in sacrafices I made to make her happy. I am trying to find a middle ground, which I think provides the best chemistry for a relationship to work. If one person is always giving (submissive) and one is always taking (dominant), as was in my case, you could say "I lost respect for that person because they let themself get walked all over" or "I lost respect because they walked all over that person". A mix of both personalities is where I think the most self respect occurs, because it's noble and sweet to make compromises and sacrafices, but admirable and inspiring for a person to know when to stand up for themself too.

 

Well said! I am submissive as well.

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Salicious Crumb
Why is he playing with fire? (Note: this is causing thread drift.)

 

Because if you have read alot of the posts by the OW/OM in here, based on their past reactions, they aint gonna like that comment.

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May childhood was hell yet I am smart enough to know this. If I can rise from a bad childhood anybody can.

one truly cannot "rise" above a bad childhood....you can learn to live with it and accept it only. Either way, your childhood will greatly affect your adulthood.

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That is very nice and idealistic WOGGLE but you're forgetting about the following items:
  • few people have perfect up-bringings and childhoods, this is a big part of what type of adult you become
  • you're assuming that logic trumps emotions, sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't
  • many people have many problems ranging from medical to financial to emotional to whatever
  • if everyone was perfect and had good self-esteem then the world would be quite a boring place
  • the "human condition" basically says that humans are meant to suffer to some extent because of our imperfectness

 

Aw why did you have to go and do that, it all sounded so easy until you gave it a reality check.

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one truly cannot "rise" above a bad childhood....you can learn to live with it and accept it only. Either way, your childhood will greatly affect your adulthood.

 

Yes you can. There are many successful people with horrible childhoods who grew up to acheive great things.

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Yes you can. There are many successful people with horrible childhoods who grew up to acheive great things.

 

 

I agree. I think its pretty much a choice, people either continue to wallow in self pity and play the victim role their whole life for things that has happened, or they decide wheather or not its going to rule them, and take over their life, and move past it. Or least try to to do.

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Yes you can. There are many successful people with horrible childhoods who grew up to acheive great things.

 

True if you learn how to own it, use it to your benefit. But you cannot allow it to trip you throughout the rest of your life..... or be fooled into believing you own it.

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There are many people on here going through problems that are at their core caused by lack of self respect.

 

If a man goes around begging a woman to love him and blaming himself after she cheats on him and blames him he has no respect for himself

 

If a woman stays with a man who thinks women are beneath him and it is her job to be his maid she has no respect for herself

 

If a man stays with a woman who treats him lower than dirt and belittles him every chance she gets while blaming himself for it he has no respect for himself

 

If a woman dates a man who already has a wife and actually is suprised when she gets hurt she has no respect for herself

 

If more people of both genders demanded to be treated with the same level of respect they have for themselves many of these problems would solve themselves.

 

Most of that, in my opinion is very accurate. If someone sees that you demand respect, and you respect yourself..they are likely to treat you in a different more respectable manner. Some people don't, some people are just too stubborn. I think you make good points here and it applys to most people. NOT all but most

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