Boyfriend admitted wanting ex-GF while wasted.

[shelliezdesign]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. It has been a struggle because he is a binge drinker. Drinks out of control on occasion. He's not your daily alcoholic but when a party or bar allows him full priviledges to every drink he goes over board.

 

When he drinks he is evil, belligerant and often insults me or anyone in his path. We did live together for a while but I asked him to move out when it was causing too much stress on our relationship. I figured him moving out...would show him how bad his drinking had become.

 

They say alcoholics don't ever change. Well he's never sought help. Has no interest. And yes he is a boyfriend who is wonderful without any alcohol. Our realtionship is perfect without it. And he doesn't drink every day or weekend. He has times where no drinking for like 3 weeks, then drink a little, then whoa drink like a fish and then become Mr. Hyde of Evil.

 

Well I'm done dealing with it. It makes me take 3 steps back every time.

 

Knowing this is the worst part of our relationship is not the only clincher. He admitted while being pretty wasted....that he was missing his ex GF and that he wants to see her and hold her in his arms. I told him to leave. He did. I haven't spoken to him in 2 days. He called once, I ignored the call. It was the biggest blow.

 

So my question? When people say things while drunk - what are the chances that it is true? Is he really feeling this way deep down inside.

 

He's never been a cheater or a liar as far as I've ever known. But I do know his ex GF to be some what of a stress case. What SHE does have over me. Well I'm overweight about 15lbs. She is stick thin. I'm educated, fun, laid back and giving. She smokes and raises some hell.

 

I don't know what to think. I really don't want to give in as I always do. I don't want to accept an apology especially over the phone. We do this over and over and it works - for him.

 

Anyways this might be our final break up. And I really should we have gone through so much because of his binges and anger combined. Ugly stuff. NO physical abuse but still ugly stuff.

 

And doesn't help with me being insecure. I'm educated, pretty and fun.

So let him go or give him a break because he was drunk? Find out if his feelings are true or not?

 

Thanks!!

[CaterpillarGirl]

You did the right thing. You should never, ever feel insecure about yourself in a relationship. A loving, healthy relationship reinforces your sense of self, helps you to be a better person. A unhealthy relationshoip leaves you stressed, insecure and scared. His "occasional" binge-drinking is a huge red flag to me. He needs to get in control of his life. Also, his talking about his ex in front of you, whether true or not, is horrible. If it isn't true, he still has shown he doesn't care if he hurts you with his words. I say you are better off with this alcoholic, verbally cruel, disrespectful guy!

[shelliezdesign]

Thanks for your input. You are right...his red flags have been showing for far too long. And I know I'm much stronger than how I appear. I sometimes wonder...why I don't have the willpower. Because that is what it is really. I don't need that crap.

 

Well he said he didn't remember any of it. Didn't apologize, just said he wasn't cheating and now...being sober, he would have never felt or thought the same way about the ex. So with that, I believe him about 70%. Sad that it's not 100.

 

I mentioned the drinking. He says he's going through some down time. Listened but didn't apologize. So whatever. I'm just going to keep busy with friends. See him if I'm up for it and don't take him to any place where he can binge...if that's possible.

 

 

At least we are not married and I have no plans to marry anyways. Especially to him.

[Enema]

How do you think he'd take it if you said to him that you can't be in a relationship with him while he's a drinker, please stop. ?

 

Unless he's specifically mentioned it, I wouldn't worry about the extra 30-40lbs you're carrying.

[shelliezdesign]

Came home after a great day of snow shoeing on Mt. Hood. He was drunk when I got home and started to get on my case about anything and everything and I had enough.

 

Broke up the next morning.

 

And this time....the will power will stick.

[Krytellan]

Please tell me that in a week

 

And you live like 20 miles away from me... YAY!

[shelliezdesign]

Good point. I hope to continue to stay strong.

 

Thanks neighbor.