Why am I so insanely jealous?

[Severed_Wasp]

Hi, I'm new. I don't really know where else to go for advice.

 

My problem is with my fiance. He's a very nurturing, big-brother type of person. He has that type of personality that makes people just feel comfortable going to him and unloading all of their problems on him. Well, he has a friend (a girl) who I just feel is being too...inappropriately clingy on him and whenever I say *anything,* my fiance usually responds with something like "well she just needs somebody to talk to," "she doesn't really have anybody else but me," or even "I wish you wouldn't say bad things about my friends." She has made a few half-hearted attempts to be-friend me, however I just feel that she is being very superficial, and only trying to look good in front of my fiance (namely because she is only friendly toward me in front of him).

 

It all started over the summer, when this girl underwent a break-up and started calling my fiance practically everyday, crying about it. Then everytime she was around campus (we all go to the same university), she would call him to hang out. Then she started hanging out at the tutoring center where my fiance and I both work. THEN (and I admit, this is petty but still...) she put my fiance as number 1 on her myspace, while my fiance put her as number 2, after me, on his (I don't even use myspace very often but it still bugs me). My fiance said he was just arranging his friends and that the "rank" didn't matter. Well if it doesn't matter, why doesn't he re-rank her?

 

The latest blow is this past Thursday she was invited to my fiance's fraternity party (by another frat member, not my fiance). And my fiance didn't even tell me about the party, much less invite me.

 

I feel so torn. Am I just being too jealous and overanalyzing things? Or am I justified in thinking that my fiance has chosen not to listen to me and respect my feelings? It has gotten to the point this past weekend where I can't stand it anymore. Every time she calls or they are going to go hang out I just start crying (so I've cried about 3 times this weekend).

 

Well, thank you for listening. I feel a little better just getting it out there.

[Guest]

I honestly think you need to talk to him about it, and tell him it does hert your feelings and you dont feel comfortable about it. I know how you feel. You feel like your boyfriend is taking her feelings over yours, and he kindoff is and that makes your jealous. Im a guy and i have that sorta problem with my gf.

 

If he doesnt change something for you, i think you need to give him a taste of his own medicine. Even know it sounds sorta bad, maybe he'll get the hint that it does infact bother your significant other when stuff like this happens. I know if it was some guy you were talking too and helping out, he'd be insanley jealous. . But thats my opinion.

[Severed_Wasp]

Thank you for replying, Guest.

 

I have talked to him, numerous times. I have CRIED over the situation so many times, just this past weekend. If anything, it only strengthens his resolve not to let me "choose his friends for him" and "control him."

 

I would definately like to give him a taste of his own medicine! But I have terrible social anxiety disorder (it took me a good 20 minutes to get the resolve just to post anonymously on an Internet forum about this!). I really don't have any close male friends that I could do that with. I have very few close friends as it is--I've realized how over the past years of our relationship how much I cling to him just for the friendship. I feel his relationship with this girl takes some of that away from me, especially when he does affectionate things with her like running errands together or hugging her (then not being equally affectionate with me).