the pros and cons, which should i choose?

[schitz]

i have been with this guy for over two years, we are both in our 40's. the good things about him are; he is responsible, he don't look or stare at other women, he is very affectionate, he is professional, his family is very close, he takes care of things, he is very loving, he helps me financially, he is respectful of others, everybody likes him, he has taught me alot about responsibility and finances, he has taken out loans to help me pay bills, then he co-signed on another loan so i could buy this car. now the bad; he distracts himself with too much t.v. sports, books and the paper, he is short tempered, he is easily irritated, he is snappy at times, he makes me feel stupid at times by answering me in a sarcastic tone, he acts self-righteous when he does something but acts like i'm an idiot when i do something, example, if i don't take a job, he tells, i will ruin my business, or don't complain when your broke, (i don't), but he can do the same thing and if i say something to him about it, he says, he don't want to talk to me right now cause i'm complaining too much and hangs up on me and wont talk to me until he is ready. or he accusses me of always being crabby when i'm not, he is. i use to put this guy on a pedestal, cause when we go out together he don't bother with other women, dont admire, stare or flirt, not once. he is so sweet then so bitter all in the same moment. when he leaves the house in the morning i feel relieved yet when he comes home in the evening i am happy to see him.

[bibi]

i think it is very normal, if you are not compatible. i mean in sense for talking and thinking and communicating.

 

it means he likes to be with you but in a contrast he needs

 

somebody to talk to him but not with you so of course he is not attempting another woman because he is not seeking for sex. he wants to talk with somebody who can anderstand him besser. So please try to listen more than talking so atleaset he fills relax to talk with you. so the load kann go. You don't need to suugest just listen. it is very important. so you can dig out what he wants if you listen more than talking for a while.

 

bye

[Tony T]

The symptoms sound like your guy feels pressured a bit and closed in with the relationship. You need to give him a measure of space and I think you'll see the hostility diminish. You also need to let him know it is not acceptable to vent his frustrations at you. He needs to get professional help to find more appropriate means of getting things off his chest without being sarcastic and treating you unkindly. Just stand up to him and tell him that is NOT permissable.

 

I think life is too short to live it with so many highs and lows. You are obviously bothered by that or you wouldn't have posted here. His problems have nothing to do with you or his home environment. He has issues elsewhere and he is bringing them home and taking them out on you. Help him identify those issues and deal with them firmly and constructively.

 

The KEY is to let him know his behavior is in no way acceptable because you've done nothing to deserve the rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate treatment and you will not tolerate it. If he doesn't want to work on it and if it continues, it will utlimately drive you insane...I don't care how sweet he is at other times.

 

His eratic behavior is very characteristic of an alcoholic or drug user but I don't think you mentioned those. At any rate, he needs some help and you are not obligated to put up with the ill treatment.