things have changed???

[Matt]

Ok, I wrote to this board a few times in the past with a problem. Quickly to sumarize, I was too nice to my girfriend, did not repsect her need for privacy and her ambition to do things for herself, didn't listen to her needs and she ended the relationship and avoided me totally for a while after.

 

A few months have gone by and I haved laid low on the situation. I did write her and she responded, but it was a very short responce from her, more of just being courteous than anyting.

 

The other day I ran into her by accident. It was surprising to see each other because we live on the opposite sides of town and don't do many things in the same place. Anyway, she came up to me, asked me how thigns were, and we talked briefly. I asked her if she wanted to just go out to get a bite to eat and she agreed. We went out, talked a bit about nothing in particular, and then I dropped her back off at her car. As I was getting ready to go, she started joking around a bit about some of the things we did when we were together. Then, as I said goodbye, she leaned over and gave me a hug. I was somewhat startled and at first didn't know what to do, but I actually asked her about it and she said it's just been a few months since we have seen each other so she wanted to give me one.

 

I did find out through our converstations that she is very busy with her jobs (between both of them working 60+ hours a week). I asked her if after summer ends if she maybe wanted to get together to actually do something (one of her jobs is just for the summer and things slow down for me once september hits also) and she didn't say much, just said to call her when that time gets closer.

 

Ok I did not expect this. I was very happy to see her and she seemed at least a little happy to see me, but I dont' know what to make of it. I don't want to make too much of all this if it does turn out she just had nothing better to do that day so she agreed to go out for an hour or so. I would like to think that maybe since I have been giving her space and "going on with the rest of my life" she may be starting to miss the good times we spent together.

 

Ok, Any advice? I have not bothered her over the last few months..I have devoted my time to other intrestes...I have used that time when I have thought about her to try to better understand what I did that bothered her and why (the constant calls, buying her gifts and tryign to solve all her problems). But how should I react to this and is this a good sign for our friendship/relationship or not? She is very very busy so I don't want to right away call her and ask her about it (that would be making the same mistakes I did before) but what else?

[Tony T]

I remember you very well.

 

No, don't read a lot into this. However, I do think you have another shot at this lady. Her interest has perked up since she's seen a change in your attitude. But you don't want to go back to your old nice, kind, sweetsy, totally available, no challenge whatsoever ways.

 

Don't call her until you know she's quit the one job. Then, just call to say hello and don't ask her out. Wait a week or so, then call again and ask her if she's like to get together. I am truly sorry but you have to undo a lot of damage you did. She remembers you as being this nauseatingly nice guy. You have to change that image. I don't mean that you have to be nasty, but you have got to be a challenge and you have got to let her know you can easily live without her.

 

I think she was very happy to see you and just happened not to be busy when you got together with her. I hate to give away secrets but I have learned that many ladies test men and I think she did this as a test to see just where your head is at. If you start calling her a lot and asking her out, she will know you haven't changed. Don't send her flowers, don't send her a card, just don't contact her at all for a while.

 

You have got to get to the point where you just don't care. If a lady likes you, fine. If she doesn't, no big deal. When you get to that point, you'll have so many females around you you won't know what to do.

 

Play it real cool here. I am very disappointed that you aren't pursuing other ladies and practicing on being the new challenging you. You are making a big mistake by putting all your eggs in this one girl's basket.

[billy the kid]

well it sounds to me like you've got your head together.. what to do next. well don't call for a couple of days.

 

still go on with your life...she might not be the one!!! but you never know so be nice...basicially after your call let her call you... in the mean time while you are getting on with your life keep your eyes open, either she is there or the right one will be going by..

Ok, I wrote to this board a few times in the past with a problem. Quickly to sumarize, I was too nice to my girfriend, did not repsect her need for privacy and her ambition to do things for herself, didn't listen to her needs and she ended the relationship and avoided me totally for a while after. A few months have gone by and I haved laid low on the situation. I did write her and she responded, but it was a very short responce from her, more of just being courteous than anyting.

 

The other day I ran into her by accident. It was surprising to see each other because we live on the opposite sides of town and don't do many things in the same place. Anyway, she came up to me, asked me how thigns were, and we talked briefly. I asked her if she wanted to just go out to get a bite to eat and she agreed. We went out, talked a bit about nothing in particular, and then I dropped her back off at her car. As I was getting ready to go, she started joking around a bit about some of the things we did when we were together. Then, as I said goodbye, she leaned over and gave me a hug. I was somewhat startled and at first didn't know what to do, but I actually asked her about it and she said it's just been a few months since we have seen each other so she wanted to give me one. I did find out through our converstations that she is very busy with her jobs (between both of them working 60+ hours a week). I asked her if after summer ends if she maybe wanted to get together to actually do something (one of her jobs is just for the summer and things slow down for me once september hits also) and she didn't say much, just said to call her when that time gets closer. Ok I did not expect this. I was very happy to see her and she seemed at least a little happy to see me, but I dont' know what to make of it. I don't want to make too much of all this if it does turn out she just had nothing better to do that day so she agreed to go out for an hour or so. I would like to think that maybe since I have been giving her space and "going on with the rest of my life" she may be starting to miss the good times we spent together. Ok, Any advice? I have not bothered her over the last few months..I have devoted my time to other intrestes...I have used that time when I have thought about her to try to better understand what I did that bothered her and why (the constant calls, buying her gifts and tryign to solve all her problems). But how should I react to this and is this a good sign for our friendship/relationship or not? She is very very busy so I don't want to right away call her and ask her about it (that would be making the same mistakes I did before) but what else?