# of Partners, part II

[Cici]

Ok...

 

I'm really interested in hearing what people here have to say about the number of partners a person has had, in terms of judgements. Like, if a woman has slept with 13 men, is that a lot? Does it make a difference if she's thirty versus if she's 20? Is she considered a slut? What if she consisently uses protection? Is she less slutty?

 

Then you have to consider...if a man sleeps with 13 women, is he slutty? Does age make a difference for him?

[Guy]

I think the number of partners can tell a lot about a person. If a 20 year old has had 10 partners then obviously he or she isn't looking for a serious or deep relationship. And it also shows how seriously the person takes sex. Sleeping with a lot of different people doesn't really make someone a slut in my opinion, it just shows how much sex means to that person. For some it is something very special to be shared with someone special only, and for others it's more of a casual thing. I think the predominant attitude today is that it's more of something to do for fun and to get to know people. Personally I can say that I'm not very intersted in people who treat sex in a casual way even if they are very safe about it.

Ok... I'm really interested in hearing what people here have to say about the number of partners a person has had, in terms of judgements. Like, if a woman has slept with 13 men, is that a lot? Does it make a difference if she's thirty versus if she's 20? Is she considered a slut? What if she consisently uses protection? Is she less slutty?

 

Then you have to consider...if a man sleeps with 13 women, is he slutty? Does age make a difference for him?

[Ryan]

I've been slacking lately in my hosting duties, so this seems a good enough post as any to get myself back into things.

 

I think number of partners is important, but also WHEN the first sexual partner came to be. Having 2 partners at 20 may not appear like a big problem, but if they were at 12 and 13, we've got definite issues here.

 

Personally I don't hold men to any different standards than I hold women (which are the same standards I hold myself to, for what it's worth). As we get older, it is more likely that we will have more sexual partners, within reason. Using your example, I would say 13 partners at age 30 is reasonable but at 20 it is excessive. I don't know that I can define a definite cutoff point. I'd be willing to say the number of partners shouldn't exceed one's age, and MAYBE a line can be drawn at 1/2 one's age. That's hard to really substantiate though.

 

Protection isn't even in the same context...it's not morality it's stupidity. If you aren't at LEAST using birth control, plan to be a parent. If there is any bit of doubt of safety, then STD barriers are a must. Slut or no slut, you can still be sexually stupid.

[LoveAngel]

I'm really interested in hearing what people here have to say about the number of partners a person has had, in terms of judgements. Like, if a woman has slept with 13 men, is that a lot? Does it make a difference if she's thirty versus if she's 20? Is she considered a slut? What if she consisently uses protection? Is she less slutty?

Age, of course, has a direct effect on how you judge a person in terms of the number of people he/she has slept with. The older one is, the higher the social acceptance for a greater amount of sexual partners. Your question doesn't have a definitive answer though: individual beliefs and morals play a large role in each person's answer.

 

There are those who choose to have one sexual partner their whole life, and those who's goals include finding a different sexual partner each night of the week. There are those who have chosen to remain celibate their whole lives. The question becomes what's acceptable to you. If you believe that you need to be "in love" before you can have sex, then you have to define "love", figure out how long it takes, on average, to fall in love, and then calculate the acceptable range from that figure of sexual partners. If you've chosen to wait until marriage to have sex, then one partner would be a reasonable figure. I don't think the usage of protective or contraceptive devices has anything to do with how a person is viewed in terms of their promiscuity. A person not using protection isn't a player or a slut. He/She is stupid.

Then you have to consider...if a man sleeps with 13 women, is he slutty? Does age make a difference for him?

Two words for you: double standard. North American society has traditionally viewed large quantities of sexual activity in males as a commonplace, acceptable behavior. Conversely, it has traditionally viewed anything over one partner as promiscuity in dealing with women in our society. You'll find a very large variety of opinions on this subject, and each individual is likely to have his/her own. I think you'll find that most people will agree that age will have an impact on the social perspective, and not only the person's actual age, but their age throughout their sexual experiences.

 

LoveAngel

[carol]

REALLY GOOD QUESTION.

 

As for me (25 W F), I think in average per year since they became sexually active. For example a person who lost his/her virginity at age 17 and is now 20 and has had 10 partners seems a little too active for me. But if some one who became sexually active at 17 and had 10 partners by the age of 30, seems about average.

 

What is most important is how a person carries themself. I mean, I would rather be with a man who has had 20 sexual partners but used protection and never got any of them pregnant, and who didn't go around bragging about any of his escapades, than one who has had only 5 partners and talks openly about who he's been with and how it was etc., or who has a child with someone he was never married to.

Ok... I'm really interested in hearing what people here have to say about the number of partners a person has had, in terms of judgements. Like, if a woman has slept with 13 men, is that a lot? Does it make a difference if she's thirty versus if she's 20? Is she considered a slut? What if she consisently uses protection? Is she less slutty?

 

Then you have to consider...if a man sleeps with 13 women, is he slutty? Does age make a difference for him?