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I'm a Backstabber...


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Hi, thanks for reading this. I'm in a really difficult situation, I don't know what to do. I need someone outside of the situation to give me advice, please...

 

About a month ago, I was introduced by my friend Tina to her boyfriend. I thought that he was a really nice guy, named Peter- he was funny, articulate, good looking, and interesting. I was happy that Tina finally found someone nice as she'd been though a lot of difficult relationships. I have to admit that I was attracted to him - he's a big flirt(but i was controlling myself!!!) - we kind of hit it off, knowing that it wouldn't (and couldn't) go anywhere.

 

A day after the party, tina sent me an e-mail that said that she "didn't appreciate" me flirting with her boyfriend - which I didn't do! I was maiking sure i wasn't being a flirt - this guy was totally off limits - or so i thought. I wrote peter an e-mail apologizing for causing any problems with him and Tina. I also apologized to Tina in person.

 

A couple days after the party, I ran into Peter at the store. We talked a little bit, mostly just small talk. Then he asked me for some advice on Tina - he said that he'd been having some problems with her... I guess the relationship hadn't been working out like he expecting, and problems were arising. I said that I didn't have any advice for him, but I finished talking to him on a friendly note and said goodbye.

 

The next day, Peter and Tina broke up. She knew that I had seen him the day before at the store - the bad thing was, I also ran into him on THE DAY that they broke up. Tina thought that I had something to do with it, which I didn't. She was really upset about breaking up with Peter, but it really hurt her to find out that i'd been talking to him. She assumed that I was the reason they broke up - that he was actually attracted to me!

 

I didn't think that was the reason. I called Peter that night... a big mistake. We talked for almost an hour - first about Tina, then about other things... I could tell something odd was going on. Maybe he was attracted to me... I wasn;t sure at the time.

 

I've been completely self centered and selfish. Tina has always been mad at me about something, she's always been alittle jealous of me (her words, not mine.) She constantly compares herself to me, talks about me behind my back, and has caused me a lot of pain in my life. When she was busy blaming me for making her and Peter break up, Peter and I found something in common. We were both totally sick of tina - she, i felt, has bossed me around my whole life and now was the time for me to make the cut with her. Peter and I became friendsby accident -- Tina's pure hatred for both os pushed him and I together.

 

Soon we were secretly going out. We even hooked up a couple times (tina doesnt know about any of this)... she's totally pissed at me now for being friends with him but I can't let him go! I know I should, but i can't! I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to alienate her... but i can't cut myself off from peter. He and I decided to be just friends, it's the right thing to do.

 

Can you tell we are teenagers? (ha). After reading what i just wrote... i sound totally self-centered. Maybe I am. This girl has been a pure bitch to me my whole life... I dont know why i am friends with her.

 

Now, she's totally ready to kill me. She doesn't want me to be friends with Peter anymore, but he's upset because he thinks i need to stop letting her control my life.

 

HOW CAN I FIX THIS?? I've been totally self-centered this whole time. I ready to forget about myself and try to make both Tina and Peter happy. What should I do??

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It seems like you are trying to justify your actions by talking bad about Tina. The problem is that I don't know how you could even think of calling and emailing Peter when you weren't even close to him. The fact that you called him up and appologized when Tina was upset at you shows how YOU wanted to tell him that Tina is a bitch. It's called passive-aggressive manipulation. I am not saying that you are evil because you probably couldn't help your emotions towards Peter and unconsciously you wanted to make Tina look bad, but you should know that in this situation, you did act catty and not many women want to admit it when they do.

 

Face it, Tina's not the one who's controling the situation here, it's you because you're dating behind her back and you have the guy she wants...meaning that you already feel superior over her but you know deep inside that you did something bad to her but you don't want to admit that you're the bitch here so you're trying to make Tina look bad. I think you should stop that "I'm the innocent victim" here because you're the one who approached Peter in the first place. I WOULD NEVER and COULD NEVER call up my friend's boyfriend unless the three of us were mutual friends. I've started dating the guy of my dream now and if one of my friends acted even in the slightest way flirtatious, I would be extremely pissed off myself and if that friend called my boyfriend to appologize for the trouble she caused I would not want to be friends with that girl at all because who is she to call him up? Can't you see what you did?

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Tina, you don't sound self-centered to me. The one who sounds selfish is Tina. She doesn't sound like a real friend and she can't blame her failing relationship with Peter on you. Tell her how you make her feel and have he look at stuff from a different perspective. You aren't doing anything wrong and it's not like you stole Peter from her. So don't feel bad.

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Megan, it does not matter. Tina was your friend first. Your relationship with her should have been more important than any relationship with any man. Always remember, men come and go. Friends are forever.

Tina, you don't sound self-centered to me. The one who sounds selfish is Tina. She doesn't sound like a real friend and she can't blame her failing relationship with Peter on you. Tell her how you make her feel and have he look at stuff from a different perspective. You aren't doing anything wrong and it's not like you stole Peter from her. So don't feel bad.
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Girlfirend, boyfriends come and go, but friends last FOREVER. Nobody can behave in an absolute perfect manner all the time, but that is what friendship is about-accepting each others differences, but only to a certain degree. You need to stop blaming Tina and take responsability for your disloyal actions. If you felt that Tina was mistreating you, you should have sat down and had a serious heart to heart with her. By acting like you have, you've made yourself to look like the bad person. This is not the way to teach Tina a lesson, if she truly does treat you the way you say she does.

 

From Tina's perspective: if I had a friend like you I would probably kick your ass first, and then never speak to you again. You should be able to trust and confide in your friends. You don't seem to be like a very trusting friend by the way you've been sneaking around. You should never have let a guy come between you and Tina to potentially end your friendship. If you didn't want to be her friend, than you should have told her so, instead of causing her so much grief!!!

 

If I were you, I would get rid of this guy and appologize to your friend for hurting her. You say you "can't walk away", which is what you've made yourself believe. You make choices in life, so you are therefore choosing to keep this guy in your life. If you treat people like you treat Tina all your life you are going to be a very lonely person. Nobody wants to be friends with, let alone trust somebody, whom they feel will turn on them when they will be in need of comfort and support. Now is the time to set your morality standards straight. Good Luck!

Hi, thanks for reading this. I'm in a really difficult situation, I don't know what to do. I need someone outside of the situation to give me advice, please... About a month ago, I was introduced by my friend Tina to her boyfriend. I thought that he was a really nice guy, named Peter- he was funny, articulate, good looking, and interesting. I was happy that Tina finally found someone nice as she'd been though a lot of difficult relationships. I have to admit that I was attracted to him - he's a big flirt(but i was controlling myself!!!) - we kind of hit it off, knowing that it wouldn't (and couldn't) go anywhere.

 

A day after the party, tina sent me an e-mail that said that she "didn't appreciate" me flirting with her boyfriend - which I didn't do! I was maiking sure i wasn't being a flirt - this guy was totally off limits - or so i thought. I wrote peter an e-mail apologizing for causing any problems with him and Tina. I also apologized to Tina in person.

 

A couple days after the party, I ran into Peter at the store. We talked a little bit, mostly just small talk. Then he asked me for some advice on Tina - he said that he'd been having some problems with her... I guess the relationship hadn't been working out like he expecting, and problems were arising. I said that I didn't have any advice for him, but I finished talking to him on a friendly note and said goodbye. The next day, Peter and Tina broke up. She knew that I had seen him the day before at the store - the bad thing was, I also ran into him on THE DAY that they broke up. Tina thought that I had something to do with it, which I didn't. She was really upset about breaking up with Peter, but it really hurt her to find out that i'd been talking to him. She assumed that I was the reason they broke up - that he was actually attracted to me!

 

I didn't think that was the reason. I called Peter that night... a big mistake. We talked for almost an hour - first about Tina, then about other things... I could tell something odd was going on. Maybe he was attracted to me... I wasn;t sure at the time. I've been completely self centered and selfish. Tina has always been mad at me about something, she's always been alittle jealous of me (her words, not mine.) She constantly compares herself to me, talks about me behind my back, and has caused me a lot of pain in my life. When she was busy blaming me for making her and Peter break up, Peter and I found something in common. We were both totally sick of tina - she, i felt, has bossed me around my whole life and now was the time for me to make the cut with her. Peter and I became friendsby accident -- Tina's pure hatred for both os pushed him and I together. Soon we were secretly going out. We even hooked up a couple times (tina doesnt know about any of this)... she's totally pissed at me now for being friends with him but I can't let him go! I know I should, but i can't! I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to alienate her... but i can't cut myself off from peter. He and I decided to be just friends, it's the right thing to do. Can you tell we are teenagers? (ha). After reading what i just wrote... i sound totally self-centered. Maybe I am. This girl has been a pure bitch to me my whole life... I dont know why i am friends with her. Now, she's totally ready to kill me. She doesn't want me to be friends with Peter anymore, but he's upset because he thinks i need to stop letting her control my life. HOW CAN I FIX THIS?? I've been totally self-centered this whole time. I ready to forget about myself and try to make both Tina and Peter happy. What should I do??

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K....you said you didn't know why you were still friends with this chick, right?? I think it'd depend on how good of a friend Tina is/was. Best friend? Talk about it and work it out. Fairly good friend but not someone that you spend much of your time with? Talk it out (or try to) once again, but it's not like you're losing the most important friend ever. And you want to make both people happy? You can't please everyone, remember... Me, I'd say screw 'er, there's better friends out there...you said yourself she WAS a bitch... I don't think I'd put up with her bulls*** for too much longer. And if you and Peter are as good as you sound... don't let that pass you by...

 

Anyway, good luck... oh, and you weren't being selfish... God, it's not like you were all over the guy when they were together... you weren't forcing him to do anything and it was his decision to dump her. DO NOT feel bad about it...

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Hey everyone...

 

i read all of your responses and i want to thank you for what you said, especially a few of you. Your comments helped me sort some things out. It's good to have people who aren't totally immersed in this give me some ideas on what to do.

 

Do you think that there is any way that I can clean things up with Tina, without making Peter feel used? He's soooo upset - he doesn't want his ex-girlfriend controlling his life (which is what he thinks is going on.) I make a mistake, I know. I'm not innocent victim, although I didn't put a gun to anyone's head (yet!!). Should I make a break with Peter totally? His feelings are going to be hurt sooo bad.... if any of you can tell me how I can get out of this without hurting Peter, HELP!!!

 

Meg

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Well, maybe she feels like she can't compete.

 

Bare with me because this is going to go off the subject a bit. It's really weird how people can sometimes still feel attracted to someone even if that someone is trying the best they can to not be noticed. I probably just confused the hell out of you, but ok, let's say you meet her new boyfriend and you think to yourself,

 

"Damn he's hot!"

 

You know it's wrong, (obviously), and so you try to play it cool, no flirting, (from you). But the more and more you ignore him is the more and more he's gonna try to flirt with you.

 

Don't think for a minute that this is going to help your situation, (sorry), but I just thought that it should be pointed out that that does happen sometimes and well, it's all part of the growing process, or... whatever.

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hi my friend is popular and I'm not that popular and her friends don't like me so

 

i don't talk to her any more and my say suff

 

about her and i do nouththing but listen.

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If you know that you're a backstabber, then why are you writing this long message bitching about Tina? Are you hoping that everybody will say "don't worry you're not"?

 

Hi, thanks for reading this. I'm in a really difficult situation, I don't know what to do. I need someone outside of the situation to give me advice, please... About a month ago, I was introduced by my friend Tina to her boyfriend. I thought that he was a really nice guy, named Peter- he was funny, articulate, good looking, and interesting. I was happy that Tina finally found someone nice as she'd been though a lot of difficult relationships. I have to admit that I was attracted to him - he's a big flirt(but i was controlling myself!!!) - we kind of hit it off, knowing that it wouldn't (and couldn't) go anywhere.

 

A day after the party, tina sent me an e-mail that said that she "didn't appreciate" me flirting with her boyfriend - which I didn't do! I was maiking sure i wasn't being a flirt - this guy was totally off limits - or so i thought. I wrote peter an e-mail apologizing for causing any problems with him and Tina. I also apologized to Tina in person.

 

A couple days after the party, I ran into Peter at the store. We talked a little bit, mostly just small talk. Then he asked me for some advice on Tina - he said that he'd been having some problems with her... I guess the relationship hadn't been working out like he expecting, and problems were arising. I said that I didn't have any advice for him, but I finished talking to him on a friendly note and said goodbye. The next day, Peter and Tina broke up. She knew that I had seen him the day before at the store - the bad thing was, I also ran into him on THE DAY that they broke up. Tina thought that I had something to do with it, which I didn't. She was really upset about breaking up with Peter, but it really hurt her to find out that i'd been talking to him. She assumed that I was the reason they broke up - that he was actually attracted to me!

 

I didn't think that was the reason. I called Peter that night... a big mistake. We talked for almost an hour - first about Tina, then about other things... I could tell something odd was going on. Maybe he was attracted to me... I wasn;t sure at the time. I've been completely self centered and selfish. Tina has always been mad at me about something, she's always been alittle jealous of me (her words, not mine.) She constantly compares herself to me, talks about me behind my back, and has caused me a lot of pain in my life. When she was busy blaming me for making her and Peter break up, Peter and I found something in common. We were both totally sick of tina - she, i felt, has bossed me around my whole life and now was the time for me to make the cut with her. Peter and I became friendsby accident -- Tina's pure hatred for both os pushed him and I together. Soon we were secretly going out. We even hooked up a couple times (tina doesnt know about any of this)... she's totally pissed at me now for being friends with him but I can't let him go! I know I should, but i can't! I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to alienate her... but i can't cut myself off from peter. He and I decided to be just friends, it's the right thing to do. Can you tell we are teenagers? (ha). After reading what i just wrote... i sound totally self-centered. Maybe I am. This girl has been a pure bitch to me my whole life... I dont know why i am friends with her. Now, she's totally ready to kill me. She doesn't want me to be friends with Peter anymore, but he's upset because he thinks i need to stop letting her control my life. HOW CAN I FIX THIS?? I've been totally self-centered this whole time. I ready to forget about myself and try to make both Tina and Peter happy. What should I do??

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what happened in now in the past and you can't change whathas already happened. it's great that you are standing up and taking responsibility for what you did wrong but you aren't 100% to blame in this situation. it doesn't sound like your to keen on the idea of being friends with this girl anyways. if someone like her had cuased me so much pain i dont think i would be so willing to try to patch things up. all you can do is wait -tina has to make the next move after you have aplogized.

Hi, thanks for reading this. I'm in a really difficult situation, I don't know what to do. I need someone outside of the situation to give me advice, please... About a month ago, I was introduced by my friend Tina to her boyfriend. I thought that he was a really nice guy, named Peter- he was funny, articulate, good looking, and interesting. I was happy that Tina finally found someone nice as she'd been though a lot of difficult relationships. I have to admit that I was attracted to him - he's a big flirt(but i was controlling myself!!!) - we kind of hit it off, knowing that it wouldn't (and couldn't) go anywhere.

 

A day after the party, tina sent me an e-mail that said that she "didn't appreciate" me flirting with her boyfriend - which I didn't do! I was maiking sure i wasn't being a flirt - this guy was totally off limits - or so i thought. I wrote peter an e-mail apologizing for causing any problems with him and Tina. I also apologized to Tina in person.

 

A couple days after the party, I ran into Peter at the store. We talked a little bit, mostly just small talk. Then he asked me for some advice on Tina - he said that he'd been having some problems with her... I guess the relationship hadn't been working out like he expecting, and problems were arising. I said that I didn't have any advice for him, but I finished talking to him on a friendly note and said goodbye. The next day, Peter and Tina broke up. She knew that I had seen him the day before at the store - the bad thing was, I also ran into him on THE DAY that they broke up. Tina thought that I had something to do with it, which I didn't. She was really upset about breaking up with Peter, but it really hurt her to find out that i'd been talking to him. She assumed that I was the reason they broke up - that he was actually attracted to me!

 

I didn't think that was the reason. I called Peter that night... a big mistake. We talked for almost an hour - first about Tina, then about other things... I could tell something odd was going on. Maybe he was attracted to me... I wasn;t sure at the time. I've been completely self centered and selfish. Tina has always been mad at me about something, she's always been alittle jealous of me (her words, not mine.) She constantly compares herself to me, talks about me behind my back, and has caused me a lot of pain in my life. When she was busy blaming me for making her and Peter break up, Peter and I found something in common. We were both totally sick of tina - she, i felt, has bossed me around my whole life and now was the time for me to make the cut with her. Peter and I became friendsby accident -- Tina's pure hatred for both os pushed him and I together. Soon we were secretly going out. We even hooked up a couple times (tina doesnt know about any of this)... she's totally pissed at me now for being friends with him but I can't let him go! I know I should, but i can't! I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want to alienate her... but i can't cut myself off from peter. He and I decided to be just friends, it's the right thing to do. Can you tell we are teenagers? (ha). After reading what i just wrote... i sound totally self-centered. Maybe I am. This girl has been a pure bitch to me my whole life... I dont know why i am friends with her. Now, she's totally ready to kill me. She doesn't want me to be friends with Peter anymore, but he's upset because he thinks i need to stop letting her control my life. HOW CAN I FIX THIS?? I've been totally self-centered this whole time. I ready to forget about myself and try to make both Tina and Peter happy. What should I do??

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