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About 9 months ago i met someone on ICQ. we got to know each other rather well and started calling each other allmost everyday. needless to say we couldnt get enough of each others "company".

 

she told me abuot her past. about all the bad things that has happened to her . well with all of what happened to her she is kind of messed up in her head. which didnt bother me too much because we all are a bit messed up in one way or another. she also told me that she hasn't been happier then when she is talking to me. likewise the same for me. we agreed that what we were feeling was in fact love. even thouhg we have never met and everyone says we are nutts for saying its love because we havent met. we didnt care and continued to talk and send each other gifts and such things.

 

about 7 months ago her bestfriend was killed in a drinking and driving accident. needless to say she was really shock up and wanted to get away for awhile. so she went to visit a friend aways away. but we agreed that no matter what we would keep in contact. we didnt . at the same time i understood why. she just needed time away from everything and everyone including me. well i felt betrayed at the same time, because of the feelings i had toward her and what she "put me through" while we were talking all the time.

 

and now 7 months after she left i get a call from her saying "hi how have you been". well i was happy to hear her voice i still had mixed feelings of what i felt for her anymore.. that was 4 days ago i got the call from her. we have since then talked everyday. she has turned her life aruond and is doing very well for herself. she is in college and has a job she likes and is also taking care of herself .

 

my dalema is should i bring up the past, what we had and all? seeing how she is doing very well without me i dont want to plumet her back into her past. but at the same time i still do care for her and would like to try and work things out since she is moving back close to were i live.

 

what do i do ? do i leave it be and maybe she will bring it up or do i say something and risk bieng the "bad guy"?

 

i would rather let her go and feel happy and good knowing she is doing great.

 

but there has to be a reason why she called me other then to say hi.

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Sometimes women want two things in men: someone they can be romantic with, and someone they can OPEN UP to. Unfortunately,

 

they don't always look for those traits in

 

the SAME man. In other words, they may like

 

someone they can TALK to, but be DRAWN to

 

someone else that plays up their "ideal" of love and romance.

 

We can also sometimes "overshoot" the goal early on in a relationship by being TOO open...leaving nothing to mystery or curiousity. It's a strange thing, but you can actually talk yourself out of a woman's life if you aren't careful.

 

In your case, your friend probably shared a lot of her inner feelings with you--and since you weren't in her immediate circle, she felt safe in doing so. Kind of like throwing a penny in a well and making a wish...it feels nice and nobody but you knows what you were thinking. In that sense, having you close at hand could make her feel vulnerable and insecure...you may know "too much" about her.

 

On the other hand, it could be much simpler than these things...she may have some prior emotional baggage to deal with, be dealing with grief relative to her friend's death, or simply be feeling the fear that comes with getting close to someone emotionally (you for example). Something tells me, however, that most likely, she feared she had brought you too far into her 'inner space.'

 

It's anybody's guess why she is getting in touch with you now, but you should be cautious about it.

 

Your best bet would be to be RESERVED in your frequency and intensity of contact. Ask yourself: Is what I am doing at this moment something that a 'clingy' or 'anxious' person would do?" If so, well...don't do it. That is a turnoff for most women. It helps to appear well-rounded, and well-rounded people aren't immediately accessible 24 hours a day.

 

As for your question about "bringing up the past," the answer (at least for the time being) is a resounding NO. If she wants to, she will. Be easy going about this, otherwise you might bring back whatever feelings made her want her distance in the first place.

 

WHATEVER you do, *don't* let this consume your life AGAIN. Don't pull away from your other interests and friends. Personally, I think you may be internally 'romanticizing' this situation yourself. There is something a bit exciting about the long distance aspect--the heart to heart chats. We tend to 'pick up on' aspects that appeal to us, ignore the negatives, and mentally fabricate the rest. It's stimulating, but very temporary.

 

In some ways, this could be a learning experience that will help you grow, so I won't discourage you. Beyond that, I think in a few years you will most likely settle down with someone you've first met eye-to-eye.

 

Besides, it's a little hard to slip a wedding band onto a mouse. ;)

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