PLease Help!!!!!!

[Zuma]

I have been seeing this girl since the end of November. We met in college and started to get real

close in October. On Thanksgiving day we had sex for the first time. It was a little to soon we

both agreed. AT the same time she had a boyfriend who was so mean to her. She was dating

him for four years. She would always run to me whrn there was a problem. At the current time

meaning now she told me that she absolutely loves me and I would be the one she wants to

marry. It just seems like it is really difficult for her to fully break away from this guy. We have a

boyfriend girlfriend relationship now. Our sex life is great. The one thing I don't understand is she

wants it known to the girls I am friends with or who have hit on me that I am with her but when it

comes to her friends I am like a secret. She won't even walk with me in the mall where this guy

works in fear that someone that knows him will see us together. We spend nearly everyday

together. There has been times that she told me that she wanted to stay in because she wasn't

feeling well and I would call her later on and she would be out. On more than one Occasion I

would see her car at his house. She is trying to break away but she tells me he is so persistant

and won't leave her alone. She has a fear of standing up for her and I. It is really confusing and

nowI have an extremely hard time trusting her. I want to but I have doubts when she wants to go

out with her friends she always winds up running into him. Now I have started to become

somewhat controlling in fear of getting hurt for the 10th time. She is my first love. I have had other

serious realtionships before but I am really in love with her. We have everything in common.

When we are together everthing is great!!! I just don't know what I should do. We have talked

about it so many times, I have even cried on her shoulder then that same night she would be out

fighting with that guy. It's almost like she will only hang out when she knows he will be working.

We have hung out when he wasn't many times but I am really confused. Please helpme with

some advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Steve]

Zuma,

 

It sounds like you've got quite yourself quite a difficult situation. On the one hand, it seems as if this girl wants to be with you and loves you-- wanting your friends to know you're "taken" etc. But at the same time, I think there's a little voice warning you that some pieces of the picture don't fit. It's almost as if sometimes she's saying she loves you while doing something totally opposite. She tells you she's sick...and then leaves...she doesn't want her friends to know about your relationship. Your mixed feelings are perfectly understandable. Perhaps you should take some time away from what she's saying: "i love you" and listen to what your own feelings: "something isn't right here." I have a strong suspicion that it will lead you to questions about honesty. Have you been honest with her about the frustration and confusion that this is causing you? Has she been honest with you about why she doesn't want her friends to know? In any case, take some time out and examine your own feelings and your little voice.

 

 

Well, good luck and let me know how it turns out.

[Pari]

Be cool! She loves you, though there is something maks her hesitant. Act as a King, and see her in the light is all you need to do, but be patient, let your girl do it willingly. Don't cry on her shoulders anymore, no matter how much pain you feel, what she need is a protector and conquer.