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I think he is afriad of commitment.


Nonee

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My boyfriend has change in the last couple of days. He was being a real jerk then he was nice then he came up with this crazy idea that we should see other people. Now he acts like he never said that. I let him go through his fits and hope he will realize what he is doing. He is hurting me. I love him so much. I know he loves me too. How do I get him to realize I won't hurt him and I'll be there for him always? My friends say I should drop him because of that comment he made. I don't think that is the answer. What do you think I should do? Should I talk to him? Then again he acts like he hasn't done anything wrong and that he trys to blame it on me. I'm confused.

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My boyfriend has change in the last couple of days. He was being a real jerk then he was nice then he came up with this crazy idea that we should see other people. Now he acts like he never said that. I let him go through his fits and hope he will realize what he is doing. He is hurting me. I love him so much. I know he loves me too. How do I get him to realize I won't hurt him and I'll be there for him always? My friends say I should drop him because of that comment he made. I don't think that is the answer. What do you think I should do? Should I talk to him? Then again he acts like he hasn't done anything wrong and that he trys to blame it on me. I'm confused.

 

 

Nonee,

 

You have pretty much answered your own questions. It looks to me also like your bf is a little nervous about commitment...It seems that you have already picked up on that. Tell him that he is hurting you by what he says, but also in the same breath let him know that you understand and that it's okay for him to be nervous, that you will still be there for him. If you remain consistant and try not to let his moods get to you, he may be able to work it out on his own and excersize the "jerk" from his personality.

 

Also, he may be feeling a little bit trapped. Encourage him to go out with his friends without you once in a while - he might be surprised and amazed at how much you trust him....not to mention grateful for the time to collect his thoughts and realize how much he misses you when you aren't there. :)

 

Getting angry at him for behaviours that aren't the norm won't help; If he cares he will do his best to control what he does so that he doesn't hurt you. Just keep the lines of communication open - tell him how you feel without placing blame and allow him to feel like he can share his fears with you without being judged.

 

For this part of your relationship, you have to be the rock - strong and steady. Then, sometime, when you aren't feeling very secure, hopefully, he'll be the rock *you* can lean on.

 

 

All my Hopes...

 

- LadyMaige ;Þ

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree with LadyMaige, but I'd like to add a little bit to what she said. Now, obviously I don't know your boyfriend, and he might not be afraid to talk about personal things freely, but if he is afraid to, keep that in mind. If you decide to approach him about his behavior, and ask him if it's because he's afraid of commitment, be careful how you say it. Don't make him feel like a weak person. By weak, I mean where he's so afraid, he can't do anything at all, like in the movies. And don't make it an approach, where his back is against the wall. Maybe throw it in during a lighthearted conversation, where you can throw some jokes in that won't make either party look defensive. And above all, go through him to find out what he wants, unless you are close to one of his friends. Don't go through a friend you don't know too well, or they can twist the story into making you look overpossesive.

Best of luck.

 

Erick Draven

Synergy Productions

[sYn] 1998

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