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How to get over her?

Archive A collection of the original messages posted on's LoveTalk Forum from 1997-2001.

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Old 30th December 2001, 12:27 AM   #1
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How to get over her?

Hi, I'm trying to get over this girl. I know this sounds really stupid but I fell in love with a woman friend of mine. She was giving me mixed signals about our friendship and I thought there was more. Some of my friends said she was just using me and she wasn't a true friend.

Anyway, the point is I want to get over her. We aren't talking anymore and I had already decided not to email or call her anymore.

We haven't spoken in 6 months but I still think about her often. I know this is not healthy and I need to just move on. I erased her number off my cell phone already, but I still have her number somewhere in my rolodex. I just haven't had to courage to erase that one yet. Part of me still wants us to be friends again. But I don't even know what to say or do if we do talk again. I'm not even sure if I want more than friendship, even if she wants that.

I'm just confuse right now. Can some of you tell me how to get over this? What should I do? I go out and try to meet new people and have fun, but I still try to think about this girl. It really hurts. People tell me I deserve better than her.

I'm over 30 and have my own business. People tell me I'm very intelligent and have lots to offer. There are better things I should be thinking about, but I don't know why I just keep thinking about her.

Help, please.
Old 30th December 2001, 12:38 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2000
Posts: 15,715
Re: How to get over her?

It's pretty easy for a guy to fall for a lady friend over time but most often it becomes a very awkward situation. Your friends are probably right...she was most likely using you and giving you just enough hope to keep you hopping on her behalf.

You ought to be pretty peeved at her. But, then again, you were representing yourself to be just a friend while you really wanted more. This just turned out to be a not so honest relationship on the parts of both of you.

I know it hurts because it's happened to me a half dozen times and you just have to realize that there's some great loves out there for you once you get past your current pain. Only time can get you to that point.

As far as reinstating a friendship, it will be very difficult and it wouldn't be healthy for you to do so. Being a platonic friend with someone you want more from is just plain dishonest. You don't need the awkwardness and you don't need her exploiting your feelings for her. Just forget her for now. A friendship with her would only stand in your way of finding someone really nice for yourself.

Sometimes friendships can be upgraded into romance and they can turn out wonderful. But there's an art to doing that and both people have to want it. It just wasn't meant to happen in this case.

You'll be fine.
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