Too Many Problems

[Victorie]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years. I love him deeply and can't imagine my life without him now. But I have just found out that he had a one night stand with my half sister while I was away on a course with college. Me and Michelle, my half, sister are not close but I cannot understand how she could do this to me. I am devastated. My boyfriend has apologised and he told me no one else. But he is using the old excuse of needing a shoulder to cry on and too much drink. Why did he need a shoulder to cry on? And why did it have to be Michelles. I am only 18 and I really love him. But thats not the only problem. I have just discovered I am pregant. I don't know whethher or not to stay with my boyfriend for the sake of our child or just tell him where to go. This baby wasn't planned but I desperately want it. I know hhe will be a good father and that he is sorry for what he has done, but i just can't bring myself to physically touch him. To know he was with Michelle is tearing me apart. Why would he do it if he didn't care for her? He must have to sleep with her. And why would he do this to me? I don't know what to do.

[Tony T]

1. "Why would he do it if he didn't care for her?"

 

A great number of men can have sex with a million women without caring about any one of them. Feelings are not a prerequisite for the majority men to have sex. They can pick up a slut at a bar and take her right home, no problem.

 

2. "He must have to sleep with her."

 

Maybe he did and maybe not. But, again, caring is certainly not a prerequisite for sex. Excitation of the hormones and sex organs, etc. is all that is needed.

 

3. "And why would he do this to me?"

 

He may be extremely ignorant, which is grounds to drop his butt anyway. Any man who would sleep with his girl's half sister is a bit of a fruit loop. He may care for you very deeply but just been overcome by hormones induced by his drinking.

 

I don't think you'll ever trust him again and I don't think you'll get over this quickly. It's probably one of the worst betrayals that could happen to you and I am extremely sorry.

 

There's always a plus side to everything, though. You could have been married to this guy with three or four kids and found out he was doing your sister.

 

About the baby, lock him in to child support, etc. and make sure he pays for medical expenses. Don't let him off the hook easy, whatever you do.

 

And if you decide to stay with him, be sure to watch his every move as your pregnancy progresses as he may seek sexual outlets.

[windfall]

Just to say-- My boyfriend was previously married. She got pregnant--he married her. Their relationship was dead after 6 months. But he stayed with her for almost 4 years for the sake of his son. It became a very bad situation for the child.

 

She slept around on him, and now, he is beginning to question if the child is really his. She also divorced him and took him to the proverbial "cleaners", put restraining orders on him etc.

 

My point is-- whether or not you keep this baby is up to you. Also, you might want to evaluate why you "desperately want" this baby. As you said it wasn't planned, you're only 18. If you spend some time away from him, you may find out that your "love" really isn't that big of a "love" after all. Sounds like the last thing this guy is ready for is fatherhood. Being drunk is no excuse.

 

Tony's advice was quite right-- men can have sex all the the time without caring at all for the one their with. Sounds like this guy cares more about relieving his sexual tension than for you.