tkgirl Posted November 5, 2001 Share Posted November 5, 2001 This is kinda long, so bear with me! Here goes: I started seeing this new guy a while back, we seemed to click right away and things were good. Then he starts pulling away and saying things like he doesn't want to start a "relationship" right now (he just got out of a long relationship and plus he's planning on moving to another state next spring). But by this time I was already attached (we were sleeping together too). He'd tell me he still liked me though and wanted to hang out, but we weren't "together" together. I tried to stuff my feelings and continued to see him (we did have a lot of fun together). But I also would go out on other dates etc. because technically I was single...make sense so far? Well, he didn't like that too much, but it was the choice he made, not me. Lately though, things just got a little too sticky when I started seeing this one guy again whom I used to REALLY like and he (guy #1) knew about him (guy #2), how I was so attracted to him etc. and was not happy at all about it, but still he knew he couldn't "stop me" (you know what I mean). Okay, basically that's the scenerio... So here's the thing. Last week we went out, just a casual thing, meeting friends etc. Well, he came over in sort of a weird mood...kinda joking a little too much and not being too respectful I thought. And by the end of the night we ended up arguing over something stupid... we each said a few things and then he goes "I can see now why you don't have a boyfriend". That really hurt, with our history etc. To me I hear it as "I don't want you and I can see why no one else does too" He seemed to feel bad after he said it and said that it was "just a joke", but I can't seem to forgive him. He kept calling after that and I wouldn't return any of his calls. Finally after about 4 days of this, I called him back to basically tell him to stop calling me, that I wanted nothing more to do with him etc. I think that it hurts me so much because I thought I really did like him at one time and he "dumped me" and then for him to say that! Maybe I'm being too sensitive (as he said). What do you think? It was a weird situation from the beginning and I don't know how I got into it, but... I don't know. Any insight/advice would be so appreciated! Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted November 5, 2001 Share Posted November 5, 2001 I think you did the right thing. You did the right thing by dating other people after he said you two were not in a "relationship". You did the right thing by cutting him off after he said what he did. He acted like a #1 a**h*** and there is no excuse for that. Unless you plan on being treated this way again, don't take anymore calls from him. He just lost a #1 lady. Link to post Share on other sites
darcy38 Posted November 5, 2001 Share Posted November 5, 2001 There is a golden rule when it comes to relationships: Don't start seeing guy#2 when you still have feelings for guy#1. As far as guy#1 and this joke, well it sounds like he still has feelings for you but was not willing to commit. I would not take personal for i sounds like he was mad at himself but aimed it at you. If thing are working out in your relationship right now try your best to put all this behind you, focus on your present bf and be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrie Posted November 5, 2001 Share Posted November 5, 2001 I think what you did was the right thing. He was disrespecting you and you stood up for yourself. Now I bet he'll have nothing but respect for you. He sounds very, very, very immature. He wants you when he can't have you, but doesn't want when he can. It's the age old story, you want what you can't have. It seems to drive him even crazier when you don't show him you care. It's a loss of control on his part. Kind of like a "how dare you not hurt and move so very easily when I break up with you." It sounds like he doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to want anyone else until you've mourned for a while over him. It helps build his ego. Just reverse it. If you dated a guy that you thought you liked, and then you broke it off with him, because you didn't really like him enough, then he ends up going right out and dating a girl that you knew he liked a lot before he even met you, your ego would be bruised. It's like saying, "I didn't effect you enough to make you never look at another woman and I wasn't able to make you like me more than that other girl?" That's exactly what he's saying. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. I wish more people were as strong and respectful of themselves as you are. You're demanding respect and because of it, you'll get it. Now I bet this guy has changed his tune, and will probably not let you go very easily. If I were you, I'd continue to get rid of him, there are so many other guys out there who will treat you with respect. This guy doesn't even sound like a good friend, so I'd forget that too. He may be fun to be with, but so will someone else in the future, who'll be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
tkgirl Posted November 5, 2001 Share Posted November 5, 2001 I really appreciate all the insight! I feel better now about what I did, how I handled the situation... I was feeling sort of bad, like maybe I was making a bigger deal out of what he said than it was. But I DO want to be respected and if he can't do that, then he's not worth the time, right? Well... I just want to say thanks again! This website is great because of all the nice people out there (like you guys!) that want to help each other. I hope that I can lend some helpful advice here sometimes too! Bye for now! tkgirl I think what you did was the right thing. He was disrespecting you and you stood up for yourself. Now I bet he'll have nothing but respect for you. He sounds very, very, very immature. He wants you when he can't have you, but doesn't want when he can. It's the age old story, you want what you can't have. It seems to drive him even crazier when you don't show him you care. It's a loss of control on his part. Kind of like a "how dare you not hurt and move so very easily when I break up with you." It sounds like he doesn't want you, but doesn't want you to want anyone else until you've mourned for a while over him. It helps build his ego. Just reverse it. If you dated a guy that you thought you liked, and then you broke it off with him, because you didn't really like him enough, then he ends up going right out and dating a girl that you knew he liked a lot before he even met you, your ego would be bruised. It's like saying, "I didn't effect you enough to make you never look at another woman and I wasn't able to make you like me more than that other girl?" That's exactly what he's saying. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it. I wish more people were as strong and respectful of themselves as you are. You're demanding respect and because of it, you'll get it. Now I bet this guy has changed his tune, and will probably not let you go very easily. If I were you, I'd continue to get rid of him, there are so many other guys out there who will treat you with respect. This guy doesn't even sound like a good friend, so I'd forget that too. He may be fun to be with, but so will someone else in the future, who'll be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ts Posted November 13, 2001 Share Posted November 13, 2001 d I really appreciate all the insight! I feel better now about what I did, how I handled the situation... I was feeling sort of bad, like maybe I was making a bigger deal out of what he said than it was. But I DO want to be respected and if he can't do that, then he's not worth the time, right? Well... I just want to say thanks again! This website is great because of all the nice people out there (like you guys!) that want to help each other. I hope that I can lend some helpful advice here sometimes too! Bye for now! tkgirl Link to post Share on other sites
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