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on winning back the *ex*


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We used to be together, and kept trying to get back together, but our timing was always off =( I know we like each other... (ok so i slipped and did the *ex sex* thing a couple of times in the last month or two...) the problem is, his most recent ex-girl. They went out for 8 months, and then she cheated on him, so now he is scared and all that other stuff (I'm sure you know how that is), and he doesn't want a g/f. Before that girl, he said I'd be the next girl he went out with. (But I was with someone else when he started dating her; like I said, our timing sucks.) Anyway this is the part where I say all the *oh I'm so in love with him and I want him back* (I am, and I do!) stuff... I just want to know what, if anything, I should do, b/c like I said, I know we like each other, (and he's not the type to use ppl for sex; I just don't want to be "only" *friends w/ benefits*... we didn't even have sex when we were together; that was 2 or 3 years ago though...) but he doesn't want a g/f right now... I guess I just want to make sure I'm right there when he decides that he DOES... thanks in advance =)

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What you are doing is wrong!!!

 

Waiting around for somebody to decide to date you is truly crazy. If the guy really wanted to be with you, he would be with you RIGHT NOW!!! That crap about not wanting a girlfriend right now may be partly true, but I promise you if he were interested in gettint back with you he would work you into his schedule in some way right now.

 

That scared crap is a bunch of bunk too. He knows you...it's not like you're a stranger. So he's obviously already made judgements about you and the situation and made the decision just to lay low.

 

OK, let's say he just isn't ready now. There is absolutely NO WAY you are guaranteed first string once he decides to date. This guy has lots of time to look over available women. What's going to happen is that he will remain in his current status until one day he meets someone he's really turned onto and that will be that.

 

You don't think one day his alarm clock is going to go off and he will say to himself "Well, I guess this is the day I will ask her out." It just doesn't happen that way.

 

For your sake, I hope the two of you get together some day. However, sitting around waiting for somebody to be ready to ask you out is the craziest thing any human being can do.

 

Do yourself a favor. Unless he is the only man within 100 miles of you, make yourself available to go out with others. That will make you a whole lot more attractive to this guy if he does decide he wants to see you.

 

Again, there is absolutely no guarantee whatsoever that you are next in line on his dating list. The greatest chance is that you are not...no matter what he may tell you to make you feel better or to get you off his butt.

 

No matter what delusion you have been suffering, the likelihood of a man returning to something he left for good reason is not good unless it's just the only situation available. If he really wanted to be with you, he would have been back long ago.

 

I really hope I'm wrong. But if the two of you are meant to be together, it won't hurt you to be dating around when he makes his decision.

 

I'm not trying to poo poo your feelings or whatever, I just don't want you to make a fool of yourself.

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Dear Rach,

 

Just be his friend for the time being. Don't try to bring sex into the equation right now either, it will ruin any possibility of a relationship in the future. I think that he may come around eventually but right now he's hurting over his last relationship. You don't want to be the "rebound" girl for him do you? You won't be if you just give him the time he needs to recuperate from this last relationship. It sounds like you're ready but he's not, if you are his friend and you want to be more then you need to give him time.

 

Time will only tell. I know it's hard, you have a million feelings, you're infatuated and you don't know how to stop it, try to get a little distance from him so it is not such a distraction. You say you know you both like eachother, then give it a little time and space and it will work out better. Don't be in such a rush, rushing things never helps.

 

Hope that helps! Good luck!

 

marzipan

We used to be together, and kept trying to get back together, but our timing was always off =( I know we like each other... (ok so i slipped and did the *ex sex* thing a couple of times in the last month or two...) the problem is, his most recent ex-girl. They went out for 8 months, and then she cheated on him, so now he is scared and all that other stuff (I'm sure you know how that is), and he doesn't want a g/f. Before that girl, he said I'd be the next girl he went out with. (But I was with someone else when he started dating her; like I said, our timing sucks.) Anyway this is the part where I say all the *oh I'm so in love with him and I want him back* (I am, and I do!) stuff... I just want to know what, if anything, I should do, b/c like I said, I know we like each other, (and he's not the type to use ppl for sex; I just don't want to be "only" *friends w/ benefits*... we didn't even have sex when we were together; that was 2 or 3 years ago though...) but he doesn't want a g/f right now... I guess I just want to make sure I'm right there when he decides that he DOES... thanks in advance =)
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Thank you both for responding =) Well I'm not exactly turning people down just because I'm waiting... honestly I don't really want to be with anyone either, but for him, I would definitely make an exception! =) I don't bug him about it; but sometimes the subject comes up... we talk about when we were together; and about getting back together... and he has always wanted to but like I said the timing was off... one time he called me completely wasted and said we should get back together and just not tell my then-current boyfriend *LOL* But you know how drunk talk goes... anyway thanks for the advice and I know, I'm not rushing him or anything; I don't say anything unless the subject comes up b/c I honestly care for him, and I do want him to heal so he'll feel better and not just so I can "get" him... thanks. =) ~*Rach*~

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Dear Rach,

 

You're welcome :). It sounds like you've got a sensible head on your shoulders and you know exactly what you're doing.

 

Good luck and I hope it works out!

 

Marz

Thank you both for responding =) Well I'm not exactly turning people down just because I'm waiting... honestly I don't really want to be with anyone either, but for him, I would definitely make an exception! =) I don't bug him about it; but sometimes the subject comes up... we talk about when we were together; and about getting back together... and he has always wanted to but like I said the timing was off... one time he called me completely wasted and said we should get back together and just not tell my then-current boyfriend *LOL* But you know how drunk talk goes... anyway thanks for the advice and I know, I'm not rushing him or anything; I don't say anything unless the subject comes up b/c I honestly care for him, and I do want him to heal so he'll feel better and not just so I can "get" him... thanks. =) ~*Rach*~
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