how to be affectionate without being cheesy?

[kikie]

i've been told time n time again that i'm a cold person ... i think it comes from lack of expression in the family, etc. ... but the point isn't where it comes from, but how to fix it, right? ... I realize now people need to feel acknowledgement and welcomeness when they're interacting with me ... and i do have it - i simply do not express it... i find lots of things ppl do to be nice very cheesy ... i also don't wanna come across as interested when being nice to a new guy ............

 

so i dunna, any advice??

 

Thanks!

[Miss Mojo]

hi kikie,

 

i understand where you're coming from here...and i do agree that it doesn't really matter where it comes from, it's how you can tackle it that is the main issue.

 

do you have any children in your family? brothers or sisters, nieces, nephews, cousins etc??? it wasn't until my little cousins came along that all the affection inside of me came out. they are so adorable and i always want to cuddle them. children are so hard not to give affection to, and you might find that being around people that you feel a lot of affection for might bring you out of your shell. i found that's what happened with me....i was quite offstandish with my last boyfriend when we first met, but i soon came out of my shell and we learned what was comfortable for the both of us (heck, we were cheesy, but it was great).

 

if you've had any experiences with boyfriends where you have found it hard to not come across as cold, that could play a part in it too....or you could just naturally be a person who is not particuarly affectionate unless you're around the right people. but that is not a bad thing and it doesn't really matter what other people think because you don't want to put yourself in any situations where you feel uncomfortable. we're all different when it comes to affection.

 

if you know you are capable of being affectionate, then don't worry too much. you will sense what your limits are around certain people and most likely won't overstep that mark or invade their comfort zone. you will also know when it's appropriate to be affectionate when you get to know people, and sense if they like affection. most people don't like others being affectionate with them until they get to know them, so really, i think you're pretty safe....and perhaps these people should take the time out to get to know you before making judgments about you being 'cold'.

 

you won't come across as cheesy if you just learn to relax and enjoy the people you are with.

 

i grew up in a close family, but we were never particulary "touchy-feely" if you know what i mean. i have always had a lot of time for my family and friends, and i have a lot of affection for them, but actually *being* affectionate was a different story.

 

...and a genuine smile can create so much more warmth than those false hugs and air kisses that so many people dish out.

[kikie]

thanks!!! U'r very right

 

My problem is, mostly, with my bf ... i just generally find that I'm more nice with people I care less about (weird, i know) ... and esp. if i think a guy is a potential date, i stop being nice at all (just automatically ...) ... but i stay really nice to guys i'm sure i'll never date... wth? ... hehe

 

oops, my tomato bushes fell over, i have to go. thanks for your response.

[Miss Mojo]

...i'm still cacking about the tomato bushes.

 

i can quite relate to your comment about being affectionate to people you are not attracted to, yet you are a bit stand-offish towards the ones who you view as a potential date.

 

are you only stand-offish to the potential date guys when you don't know how they feel about you??? i know that's what i'm like....i think i'm afraid that they'll read my thoughts through my actions (insane, i know), and being easily embarrassed, i tend to back off.

 

anyway, i'll let you get back to the tomato bushes

thanks!!! U'r very right My problem is, mostly, with my bf ... i just generally find that I'm more nice with people I care less about (weird, i know) ... and esp. if i think a guy is a potential date, i stop being nice at all (just automatically ...) ... but i stay really nice to guys i'm sure i'll never date... wth? ... hehe oops, my tomato bushes fell over, i have to go. thanks for your response.