average Joe Posted May 22, 2001 Share Posted May 22, 2001 Hey, my girlfriend and I have been together for about two months now and she says that she loves me and everything. But I'm feeling a lack of confidence in the fact that I don't make her happy because I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on her. She is like a perfect 10 for me and I really don't want our relationship to end before it really begins. I feel so down that I can't buy her a nice pair of earings or pretty flowers and things like that because I'm so deep in the hole of financial difficulties. She tells me that she's not very materialistic but I feel like I'm losing her. I've noticed that she doesn't call as often as she used to and I'm not getting as many emails as I used to get from her. Am I driving her away because of this? What can I do to change the way she feels if I am? Link to post Share on other sites
Dave Posted May 22, 2001 Share Posted May 22, 2001 If she is into money, you dont need her man! Let her go and find some other dude with $$$. If you feel like you are not able to give her all the nice gifts you are willing to give, why dont you get a credit card, and buy few nice things for her, come one, a few hundred bucks is not that difficult to come up with. I took my girl to Hawaii, and put the entire trip on my Master Card. You live once man! Enjoy it! And if she really is materialistics, I strongly urge you to find someone who will be happy and will keep calling you and e-mailing you even if you give her one flower once a year. ATure love is all about what comes from the heart, not from the wallet. I would go and dig out some flowers in the neighbors garden in the worst case! Or make one from a paper! Good luck! Hey, my girlfriend and I have been together for about two months now and she says that she loves me and everything. But I'm feeling a lack of confidence in the fact that I don't make her happy because I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on her. She is like a perfect 10 for me and I really don't want our relationship to end before it really begins. I feel so down that I can't buy her a nice pair of earings or pretty flowers and things like that because I'm so deep in the hole of financial difficulties. She tells me that she's not very materialistic but I feel like I'm losing her. I've noticed that she doesn't call as often as she used to and I'm not getting as many emails as I used to get from her. Am I driving her away because of this? What can I do to change the way she feels if I am? Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted May 22, 2001 Share Posted May 22, 2001 hey! as long as she's aware that of your financial position - ie u have loans or whatever (and u'r paying them off, so the financial trouble isn't forever) - and she sees u making effort to give her those little surprises, which by the way dont need to be expensive, she should be happy! i mean it would be difficult to maintain a relationship if the guy doesn't have $ to rent a movie, or take me out for lunch, but it all doesn't need to be fancy. instead of buying flowers, u can always go gather some yourself ... if u know how to work with wood, make her something ... etc. i mean u dont need much $ for lil surprises ... good luck =) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 22, 2001 Share Posted May 22, 2001 YOU ASK: 1. "Am I driving her away because of this?" If you are, that's great. Who needs some chick who wants to be around you for money? Now I will say, part of the mating game for women is finding a man who can support them and their children. That's just plain survival. But if this lady doesn't have faith that you get ahead soon, then send her on her way. You don't need a lady who won't stand by you and have faith in you when things are down. 2. "What can I do to change the way she feels if I am?" You can go to your parents or to the bank and borrow thousands of dollars and buy her a new car, some nice diamond jewelry, take her on a Mediteranean vacation, etc. She would love that. And she would definitely change the way she feels about you. She would feel you were the world's NUMBER ONE SUCKER!!! Then once all your money ran out, you would owe your parents and the bank, have to bust your butt to pay them back and you would no longer be able to shove money in this girl's face. Then her feelings toward you would definitely change and she would say...GOODBYE, SUCKER!!! If you really think she's losing interest because of you lack of money, go find a more practical, sensible, less selfish girl. And, by the way, when you start looking for a gal to marry...find a practical, sensible one who's not a golddigger. You'll never thank yourself enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Excellent answer kikie! I wholeheartedly agree! Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 hey! as long as she's aware that of your financial position - ie u have loans or whatever (and u'r paying them off, so the financial trouble isn't forever) - and she sees u making effort to give her those little surprises, which by the way dont need to be expensive, she should be happy! i mean it would be difficult to maintain a relationship if the guy doesn't have $ to rent a movie, or take me out for lunch, but it all doesn't need to be fancy. instead of buying flowers, u can always go gather some yourself ... if u know how to work with wood, make her something ... etc. i mean u dont need much $ for lil surprises ... good luck =) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 If this chick is really after money, a credit card will need to have a lot more than a few hundred dollar limit to please her. No matter what the limit, once the card's maxed out and the giving can't be sustained, she'll be out of there...HISTORY. Going into debt to keep a chick is insanity of the worst kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 These would be great solutions in an ideal world. This girl is backing off because she wants to see the money...not the hand-picked flowers. If she sincerely cared for this guy, what he did for her or what he gave her would make no difference as long as she felt cared for. I am sure this man has expressed himself well as he has said here he really does want this to proceed. She is clearly looking out for herself. Unless you've been living in a cave for 50 years, you know that people these days are different and to a lot of people finances are extremely important. Many women are looking out (instinctively) for their future families and don't want to get mixed up in poverty. Some have experienced indebtedness and insolvency themselves and didn't like it. Others have seen it in other families. It's not a pretty site. Many are not open minded enough to know that being short of cash is usually a temporary state. Some just don't want to even get something going in that state. You can hardly blame them if that's their choice. This man has clearly got to find a lady who is OK with who he is as a person and his place in life right now. I recommend that he keep his finances to himself. I would hope that he would have enough integrity to disclose his financial status to someone if the relationship became very serious. Link to post Share on other sites
boomerang Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 "I'm feeling a lack of confidence in the fact that I don't make her happy because I don't have a whole lot of money to spend on her." Is it possible that you are projecting on her your own insecurities for your financial state? I'm not a guy but I'm told that most men put a lot more emphasis in their careers than their romantic relationships. Also, a man who doesn't feel settled financially or career-wise is a lot less likely to seek a serious relationship. Is it possible this is all about self-esteem? "She tells me that she's not very materialistic" Why can't you take her word for that? Do you think you know her well enough two months into the relationship to tell what causes the change in her attitude, or that there is actually a significant change? "I've noticed that she doesn't call as often as she used to and I'm not getting as many emails as I used to get from her. Maybe she's busy. Don't make a huge deal out of it or she may think you're needy. If you do see other signs that she's not into you, then bring it up with her, but DO NOT sound like you know what's causing her distance because you don't know, and you shouldn't assume. "Am I driving her away because of this? What can I do to change the way she feels if I am?" Be secure and happy with who you are, that's the best turn on for a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
kikie Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 Look - there could be other reasons she's backing off ... this guy THINKS it's cuz of lack of cash ... how are you so sure it isn't something else? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 I believe in people's gut feelings. They are seldom off base, usually at least part true. This guy has a gut feeling she's backing off because of his financial situation. I have trust in his feelings. But the advice stands good, regardless of why she is backing off. He needs to find a lady who is more inclined to want to be with him and be a part of his life. You make a very good point. She could be backing off for any of a million reasons. But the guy is in the best position to have "that feeling" of knowing the reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 YOU WRITE: "She tells me that she's not very materialistic" Why would a woman even need to say these words unless she has something to cover up. I am reminded of all the people who say "I would be the last person in the world to hurt you"...and the very next week they dump all over you. If she wasn't materialistic, she would have no reason to announce such. If she didn't have something going on in her conscience, she would have no reason to make this statement. "Me thinks she doth protest too much." Billy Shakespeare It's my belief she said this, known in psychology as a reaction formation, to unconsciously get her off the hook for backing out of this deal because of her materialism. Now, I could be very wrong...but I love mysteries. I hope the poster moves forward with all this and sees where it goes. One thing is for sure. Only the craziest sociopaths would admit to leaving a relationship because it did not amply supply their materialistic needs. They just back off quietly, just like this gal is going. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 hi tony, the line below is a classic example of what makes me doubt someone: "I would be the last person in the world to hurt you" *cringe*!!!!!!!! i hate that line....if another guy ever says that to me again, i will clip him across the ear. i do not believe it. no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, and for people who have been naive (like i once was), or who are naive.....DON'T TAKE THESE AS WORDS OF COMFORT....trust me, i know first hand. that line is the number one way to let yourself down if you believe it. i can guarantee that nearly everyone who has been told that, has, at some stage or another turned around and said, "...but you said you would never hurt me!!!". yuk. heck.....we can't even guarantee we wouldn't hurt ourselves, can we?? i would never consciously or deliberately hurt another person or myself, but what's to say that oneday, i won't make a bad decision in life, or just simply do something without thinking it through properly???? anyway, i've gone off on a tangent here....just felt like responding to that! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 23, 2001 Share Posted May 23, 2001 It seems you have only stengthened my case. Many thanks for the tangent. Link to post Share on other sites
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