Deceit and lying..Can you tell when someone is lying?

[John]

Deceit and lying....Can you tell when someone is lying by eye-movements, tone of voice, etc?

 

What do people think? Are there any specific signs or patterns? Do all people agree that we can spot someone who is lying? What is your input?

[Tony T]

Every individual reacts differently to deception. Once you get to know someone very well, you can probably tell if they are lying intuitively. But even lie detectors are not conclusive using the most scientific of principals including pulse rate, perspiration, etc. and the results are not admisable in court.

 

Even if you detect certain eye movements, twitching of the eye lid, nervousness, etc., this does not conclusively show that a person has lied to you.

 

If you suspect deception, check on the details without relying on tale tale signs. They cannot be relied upon. There are books on the subject in bookstores, some purporting to have highly reliable methods of detecting deception. However, they may have some helpful hints but they are certainly not the last word.

[Tess]

Do you know why some people will be feel better after they told the truth???

 

Any thoughts???

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

Every individual reacts differently to deception. Once you get to know someone very well, you can probably tell if they are lying intuitively. But even lie detectors are not conclusive using the most scientific of principals including pulse rate, perspiration, etc. and the results are not admisable in court. Even if you detect certain eye movements, twitching of the eye lid, nervousness, etc., this does not conclusively show that a person has lied to you. If you suspect deception, check on the details without relying on tale tale signs. They cannot be relied upon. There are books on the subject in bookstores, some purporting to have highly reliable methods of detecting deception. However, they may have some helpful hints but they are certainly not the last word.

[Miss Mojo]

hi tess,

 

i know this question was directed at tony, so i hope you don't mind if i give my opinion.

 

Do you know why some people will be feel better after they told the truth???

 

there could be a couple of reasons for this depending on the person:

 

a) some people feel better telling the truth because they think it is only fair on the person they are with;

 

b) some people feel better telling the truth because they are only thinking of how it will make it them feel, not the other person.

 

sometimes it is good to tell the truth because positive things can come out of it e.g. "it was me who put that $1 million in your bank account because you are special to me" (haha, that's a nice fantasy isn't it?!)

 

sometimes it is not so good to tell the truth because it can really hurt a person e.g. "i slept with another person because you are bad in bed" (whoah, prey tell i never have someone say that to me!).

 

it all depends on the situation you are in and the kind of person you are dealing with. there is such a thing as "good honesty" and there is such a thing as being "brutally honest".

 

Any thoughts??? -----------------------------------------------------------

 

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Do you know why some people will be feel better after they told the truth???"

 

Deception puts a very heavy weight on the conscience, emotions, and psyche. It often requires the use of great amounts of energy in perpetuating. Deceptions immediately place a heavy weight on the soul, even of those who's consciences have been chipped away by years of deception and immorality.

 

The truth can set you free of such an incredible weight. It's like paying off a car or house. We are set free of a debt to ourselves when we come clean and tell the truth. We no longer have to hide from ourselves. It can be euphoric.

 

I suppose this euphoria is a reward for making the decision to right a wrong, to tell the truth and face the consequences. The consequences of admitting to deception are never as bad and the consequences of lying in the first place.

 

Many people chose to lie, not by telling an untruth, but by concealment...not disclosing something that another should absolutely know. Concealment places the same weight on a person and the same euphoria can be achieved once the information is revealed.

 

I hope this helps.

[Tess]

hi tess, i know this question was directed at tony, so i hope you don't mind if i give my opinion.

 

Do you know why some people will be feel better after they told the truth??? there could be a couple of reasons for this depending on the person: a) some people feel better telling the truth because they think it is only fair on the person they are with; b) some people feel better telling the truth because they are only thinking of how it will make it them feel, not the other person. sometimes it is good to tell the truth because positive things can come out of it e.g. "it was me who put that $1 million in your bank account because you are special to me" (haha, that's a nice fantasy isn't it?!) sometimes it is not so good to tell the truth because it can really hurt a person e.g. "i slept with another person because you are bad in bed" (whoah, prey tell i never have someone say that to me!). it all depends on the situation you are in and the kind of person you are dealing with. there is such a thing as "good honesty" and there is such a thing as being "brutally honest".

[Tess]

Do you think what they would be choose between 'A' and "B'?

 

Here it's : I have been relationship with a guy for 2 years. While in relationship ,I warned him," Once cheater , always cheater" and I asked him if there were your relationship out here that I didn't know about that. Well, he just kept this mouth shut ,hoping for the best.

 

However, Before he told me the truth as his affair out here, he said," I wanna tell you something..dun get angry ok? I do love you from my heart & I'm not lying at all.I had a love affair out here."

 

I asked him," Why didn't you tell me about your affair for along time?"

 

He said," I like you more,but you just never let me understand you more"

 

He also said," I feel better after I told you ,i don't want lie to you"

 

So do you think what kind the person he is ? Since He is snake.

 

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hi tess, i know this question was directed at tony, so i hope you don't mind if i give my opinion.

 

Do you know why some people will be feel better after they told the truth??? there could be a couple of reasons for this depending on the person: a) some people feel better telling the truth because they think it is only fair on the person they are with; b) some people feel better telling the truth because they are only thinking of how it will make it them feel, not the other person. sometimes it is good to tell the truth because positive things can come out of it e.g. "it was me who put that $1 million in your bank account because you are special to me" (haha, that's a nice fantasy isn't it?!) sometimes it is not so good to tell the truth because it can really hurt a person e.g. "i slept with another person because you are bad in bed" (whoah, prey tell i never have someone say that to me!). it all depends on the situation you are in and the kind of person you are dealing with. there is such a thing as "good honesty" and there is such a thing as being "brutally honest".

[Miss Mojo]

hi tess,

 

firstly, i can't say if a guy would choose between a) or b), only because everyone is so different and you just don't know what people are thinking in that situation.

 

now, as for cheating...(this is only my opinion - i have been cheated on before)if i am ever with a guy again who cheats on me, i will kick his sorry butt out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. he wouldn't get the chance to say sorry.

 

as you can probably tell, i have very strong views about cheating.

 

firstly, trust is totally destroyed and it is exhausting trying to build that trust back (if you can at all).

 

secondly, i think cheating is scum. i would just as soon leave a relationship before i ever cheated on someone. or if i did think i might cheat on someone, i would take a long, hard look at why i was feeling that way and hold back.

 

personally, i know i will never cheat on someone because i know what it feels like to be cheated on and i would never subject a person to that kind of emotional pain. i also feel that cheaters always have some sort of an excuse or another. i had the most hellish relationship a few years back and i had many opportunities to cheat, but i didn't.

 

basically, when someone cheats, it wrecks a relationship in a lot of ways and can really damage a person. some people should really look before they leap.

 

whether or not a person decides to stay with someone who has cheated on them is entirely up to them. sometimes both partners are willing to work on what's lacking in the relationship. personally, i could not stay with a cheater because i would constantly worry that it might happen again and the trust just wouldn't be the same. even if they showered me with flowers, sorry notes and a ton of remorse, i would still think they were up to something or just being sorry to try and cover up something. it really is very damaging. but that's only me, and cheating makes me feel paranoid.

 

tess, he is a snake. he probably did tell you because he felt you had the right to know. you had the right to know so you could make a decision on whether or not you still want to continue a relationship with him. he probably told you out of respect for you, but that doesn't hide the fact that he was being dishonest for a long time and that he hurt your feelings.

 

i would deifinitely leave a cheater if it happened again. i know there are guys out there who wouldn't cheat on me and upset me like that. i know there are guys out there who have the same views as me and i know that there are guys out there that who i could have a secure relationship with that is built on trust and respect.

 

i hope i have helped you, tess. i feel i have rambled on a bit here!!

[Tess]

hi tess, firstly, i can't say if a guy would choose between a) or b), only because everyone is so different and you just don't know what people are thinking in that situation. now, as for cheating...(this is only my opinion - i have been cheated on before)if i am ever with a guy again who cheats on me, i will kick his sorry butt out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. he wouldn't get the chance to say sorry. as you can probably tell, i have very strong views about cheating. firstly, trust is totally destroyed and it is exhausting trying to build that trust back (if you can at all). secondly, i think cheating is scum. i would just as soon leave a relationship before i ever cheated on someone. or if i did think i might cheat on someone, i would take a long, hard look at why i was feeling that way and hold back. personally, i know i will never cheat on someone because i know what it feels like to be cheated on and i would never subject a person to that kind of emotional pain. i also feel that cheaters always have some sort of an excuse or another. i had the most hellish relationship a few years back and i had many opportunities to cheat, but i didn't. basically, when someone cheats, it wrecks a relationship in a lot of ways and can really damage a person. some people should really look before they leap. whether or not a person decides to stay with someone who has cheated on them is entirely up to them. sometimes both partners are willing to work on what's lacking in the relationship. personally, i could not stay with a cheater because i would constantly worry that it might happen again and the trust just wouldn't be the same. even if they showered me with flowers, sorry notes and a ton of remorse, i would still think they were up to something or just being sorry to try and cover up something. it really is very damaging. but that's only me, and cheating makes me feel paranoid.

 

tess, he is a snake. he probably did tell you because he felt you had the right to know. you had the right to know so you could make a decision on whether or not you still want to continue a relationship with him. he probably told you out of respect for you, but that doesn't hide the fact that he was being dishonest for a long time and that he hurt your feelings. i would deifinitely leave a cheater if it happened again. i know there are guys out there who wouldn't cheat on me and upset me like that. i know there are guys out there who have the same views as me and i know that there are guys out there that who i could have a secure relationship with that is built on trust and respect. i hope i have helped you, tess. i feel i have rambled on a bit here!!