Ashley J. Posted February 28, 2001 Share Posted February 28, 2001 i was just wondering if anyone had any advice for me. my boyfriend and i have said i love you a few times...however it has only been during sex. we have been together for about 5 months and i honestly feel that i love him. now, he is a very reserved person when it comes to his emotions/feelings. he has not ever initiated saying i love you to me first. i am pretty confident that he does love me, but it would be great if he told me once in a while. i am still scared to say it to him, because i am paranoid that he might not, which would result in an extrmemly awkward moment for both? how can you ask someone if they love you, without sounding cheesey or too forward?? he is leaving tomorrow for a week for spring break and i really want to let him know. thanks..have a great day! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 28, 2001 Share Posted February 28, 2001 I don't think you should have to ask someone if they love you. Love is a feeling and, if you feel loved, that should be enough...for now. A lot of people throw that word around pretty loosely. A guy who says it when he absolutely means it, when he is talking with his heart, is a lot better than a guy who'll just spit it back to you because you said it or feel obligated to say yes when asked. If he is not very verbal with the "I love yous", it's probably because he came from a family that was emotionally suppressed or where there were little or not verbal or physical demonstrations of love. That would be because one or both of his parents may have come from that type of family. Or, yes, he may just be very shy. What is important right now is whether or not you feel loved. And, when you really think about it, the love you feel in your heart for him is the ONLY love you will ever feel in this relationship. He can tell you he loves you all day long but it won't make you feel love in your heart one bit more. Feeling loved has not nearly as much to do with words as just the feeling. Love is communicated much better at other levels. Talk is cheap. What we feel as a result of interaction and being with someone is what really counts. I suppose when you've been together a bit longer, it will be nice if he tells you he loves you now and then, if that really means a whole lot to you. It actually is nice to have someone tell you that...but much, much nicer when they tell you and you feel it too. If you're feeling insecure in the relationship, having to ask him if he loves you and getting an answer back that he feels obligated to give you isn't going to help you much. Even if he says he loves you, I doubt your relationship will change much. Oh, you may run and tell your girlfriends he loves you...but at the end of the day it's how you feel that counts. If he loves you more than any human every loved any other human since the beginning of time, you will never feel that. You will never be able to see or feel what is in his heart. You can only know what is in yours. One day, you will feel just great giving love and enjoying the wonerful feeling that brings to you. Getting it back won't nearly be as important. It won't even be necessary. Even when you finally decide to get married, when your fiance tells you he loves you...if you don't feel it he may as well not. And if you feel he does and he really doesn't, your marriage could be doomed. You should tremble at the possiblity of being with somebody you love with all your heart who does not love you but lies about it out of guilt, obligation, social pressure or whatever. There are weak-minded people who can be pushed into anything...including relationships and even marriage. The "L" word can't be forced and shouldn't be. Relax, enjoy your relationship, and tell him you love him...tell him often. If he doesn't come back with it or if he doesn't initiate it, then one day you'll have to tell him how important that is to you. At some stage of togetherness, verbal expressions of love should be an ingredient of a long term, intimate relationship. If after you tell him how important it is to you for him to say the words to you he still won't tell you, but you feel he loves you and you love him, that's when you'll really have the problem and wonder what you need to do. And you won't need to post that problem here. It will yours to deal with and deal with alone as you personally feel you must. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashley J. Posted February 28, 2001 Share Posted February 28, 2001 thanks tony for that info! you really opened my eyes!!! how do you know so much? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts