how far is too far?

[CJ]

hello everyone,

 

my boyfriend and i have been going out for a year and a half. we're fifteen, and really love each other. i was just wondering, is there a limit we should set for how far we go physically? we both dont want to have sex, but other than that? i know society says hold off on everything, but still. we are both eachothers first g/f, b/f. it seems as though society doesnt want you to show that much affection. we arent like other couples at our school whomake out in the hall and stuff. we hold hands, and give eacother a kiss once and a while. we do make out and stuff, i'm just wondering if it would be a wise choice to go further, just not to the extent of having sex. we've talked about it, but we're stuck because we dont know what to do. any info would be helpful, thanks.

[Tony T]

It sounds like you're doing just fine in the relationship. Do what makes the two of you happy, as long as it's in private and as long as you don't hurt each other.

 

Don't worry about society. I don't think society cares a whole lot about what the two of you do together, as long as it is in the spirit of love and having a good relationship. Just use good judgement and keep what happens between the two of you private and personal.

 

I'm assuming neither of you have big mouths like a lot of 15-year-olds. Never discuss personal things you do with each other in the relationship with others, unless there's some very important reason to do so.

[Miss Mojo]

hi cj,

 

i was just wondering, is there a limit we should set for how far we go physically? we both dont want to have sex, but other than that?

 

your limit's will be whatever you feel comfortable doing with each other. it's fine that you both don't want to have sex yet. there's no need to rush into anything, and you will both know when you're ready. i think it's really good that you have clarified with each other that you don't want to take this step yet.

 

i know society says hold off on everything, but still. we are both eachothers first g/f, b/f. it seems as though society doesnt want you to show that much affection.

 

i wouldn't worry about what anyone else out there thinks of your relationship with him at all. you sound like two sensible people, and as long as you aren't hurting anybody and you are both happy at the point you are at in your relationship, then it is no one elses business what you do together. don't let what other people think dictate what you do. you know what you're comfortable doing together and what you're not, and that's perfectly fine.

 

we do make out and stuff, i'm just wondering if it would be a wise choice to go further, just not to the extent of having sex. we've talked about it, but we're stuck because

 

we dont know what to do.

 

it's always a bit nerve-wracking in your first relationship. you don't know what to do because you've never been in this situation before. i was even worried about my first kiss. i was like, "oh my god, what if i don't do it properly? what do i do?". but i found with my first boyfriend, things progressed very naturally. there is no right or wrong way of doing things, as long as you both respect each other's wishes, which is what you guys are doing. hands might wander etc, but that's what makes it special and can make it fun - you'll discover what you like best and what you didn't like too much and take it from there. just let it all happen naturally, and you'll be fine.

 

you guys sound like you are going great. don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks, and don't tell anyone else about what goes on behind closed doors (that is a big no no, which too many young people seem to do, and very tacky). respect each other, take your time, and things will run very smoothly as they appear to be doing now.