punky Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 I live with my boyfriend and I often catch him (after the fact) of masterbating. Like running across the history on the internet and seeing porn sites, or cumstained paper towels ect. It really bothers me. Is there anything I can do or am I just overreacting cuz all guys probably do that. Please help. It hurts my self esteem quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 I don't think this is something that all guys do and you are never overreating by feeling what you feel. If there is no other harm being done by what he is doing...if your sexlife is not being affected...I would reckon that he is entitled to a certain amount of privacy. Leaving his paper towels around is pretty stupid, sickening and inconsiderate, however. I know it may seem to you that he may be so attracted to these online images that he is aroused. It may also hurt that his sexual attention is focused on these unknown people rather than on you. Some could even say it's a form of cheating, a form of disloyalty. But it would be my opinion it is probably slightly a more acceptable form of cheating than going outside for something real. I think you ought to let him know just how this makes you feel. You'll have to tell him in a very sensitive way so he is not thoroughly embarrassed, if he is inclined to be so over these things. If he gets defensive, you will make no progress whatsoever. You have to act totally and completely understanding. If he continues this practice excessively after you have let him know you are hurt by it, then you must make some serious decisions about this relationship. If you feel this is really an addiction for him, go to the homepage of this site, go to the top of the page and click on to get to the links page, then click addiction and recovery, then click sexual addiction. You will see that masturbation can be an addiction...as well as addiction to porn. There are recommended resources for getting help with this...if you feel your boyfriend would be willing to be helped. I also recommend the following link, which is specifically about addiction to online porn. It may give you additional insight. Just copy the link and paste it into your browser: http://www.msnbc.com/news/426238.asp Unless you say something, this problem will NOT go away. If it is really bother you, you have no choice but to resolve in. However, remember this is a very sensitive issue and must be dealt with that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Quandary Posted January 6, 2001 Share Posted January 6, 2001 I went through this with my ex-boyfriend too. I found it very disturbing. I tried talking ot him about it... I finally realized that it was not even done for pleasure, it was an urge that he could not control... So I let it slide, but it seems that once the internet porn stopped hitting the spot he found much worse things that would. (Went to strip clubs, ended up cheating thus why he is my ex) How is your boyfriend? How long have you know that he is doing this? Have you talked to him about it at all? How long have you been with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted January 8, 2001 Share Posted January 8, 2001 I probably would be disgusted with the guy for being such a slob about it (with the paper towels), but I think that all guys masturbate at one point or another, and, as Tony says, if it doesn't interfere with his attention to you, it might not be all that disgusting. As a woman, it seems unsavory that guys like to leer at plastic-busted babes who act like sluts, but I have learned to understand the male need to look and imagine. I do realize though, that there is such a thing as porn addiction, which renders some guys incapable of having a real relationship with a woman because of the unrealistic stuff (like rough anal sex) they do in those movies and in the magazines. So, if the guy is great in all other respects, I might forgive him his little "secret" and concentrate on the good stuff he has to offer. I went through this with my ex-boyfriend too. I found it very disturbing. I tried talking ot him about it... I finally realized that it was not even done for pleasure, it was an urge that he could not control... So I let it slide, but it seems that once the internet porn stopped hitting the spot he found much worse things that would. (Went to strip clubs, ended up cheating thus why he is my ex) How is your boyfriend? How long have you know that he is doing this? Have you talked to him about it at all? How long have you been with him? Link to post Share on other sites
iggy Posted January 20, 2001 Share Posted January 20, 2001 I live with my boyfriend and I often catch him (after the fact) of masterbating. Like running across the history on the internet and seeing porn sites, or cumstained paper towels ect. It really bothers me. Is there anything I can do or am I just overreacting cuz all guys probably do that. Please help. It hurts my self esteem quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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