Feelings have Changed, How?

[Megan]

I need some advice please. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. He told me that within 1 week his feelings completely changed and he doesnt have the same feelings as he did before. How does someone's feelings change so quickly like that? Before he would tell me how much he loved me, and how much nothing would ever come between us, and how he would always be with me. And now he's ended it and I really never got a reason. His friends ask him and he says that He just doesnt have the same feelings. He still gets jealous, and defensive. I know this bc he still talks about me to his friend or whatever and he still cares about what I think of him... I think hes changed and so does some of his friends, hes just not the same person he was. And he called up my friend and asked him why he told me that. He also had brought this girl into work to piss me off. I dont know why he does that if he doesnt love me anymore and has no feelings toward me. Just bc I talk to guys at work he shouldnt get jealous bc hes the one who broke up with me. My ex and I dont talk really, and he just acts all macho and cool and he thinks he's really tough and I dont understand. He never acted like that before and all of a sudden a sudden change came over him. Before we broke up I noticed that he had mixed feelings about what he wanted to be when he got out of college...and before he was really set on being an airforce pilot...also he was a work aholic but now he rarely comes to work...and he loved me, and now he doesnt. I just dont understand how someone can change their feelings like that so quickly on me. I love him to death still eventhough I ignore him and I dont really pay any attention to him. I want him back very bad, and I dont want to date any other guys because I still love him. I just dont get whats up with this sudden change in feelings, and being a jerk to me sometimes and nice othertimes. And in the beginning of the break up he didnt know if he really wanted to or not...and he told me not to expect us to get back together, and then he told me he was in the middle and was 50/50....and the day after he told me he was all over the place...and the next day after that he hung up the phone on me and told me it was over. Since then I haven't talked to him about our relationship bc I'm afraid. I've wanted so many times. He really really cared about me once, he loved me so much once, he cried so many times bc he loved me so much...and he just threw it all away just like that. How can someone throw away a relationship just like that? I just dont get it, and I love him so much and I dont know if hes going to come back or not since its been a month...I just don't get it...

[WGirl]

Well, I too have a hard time believing that his feelings

 

changed over the course of one week. He had to have been unhappy in the relationship longer than that and just didn't say anything. How long did the two of you date?

 

I hate to say this but the only other thing is that he

 

was full of ##### and leading you to believe that he cared about you more than he actually did.

I need some advice please. My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. He told me that within 1 week his feelings completely changed and he doesnt have the same feelings as he did before. How does someone's feelings change so quickly like that? Before he would tell me how much he loved me, and how much nothing would ever come between us, and how he would always be with me. And now he's ended it and I really never got a reason. His friends ask him and he says that He just doesnt have the same feelings. He still gets jealous, and defensive. I know this bc he still talks about me to his friend or whatever and he still cares about what I think of him... I think hes changed and so does some of his friends, hes just not the same person he was. And he called up my friend and asked him why he told me that. He also had brought this girl into work to piss me off. I dont know why he does that if he doesnt love me anymore and has no feelings toward me. Just bc I talk to guys at work he shouldnt get jealous bc hes the one who broke up with me. My ex and I dont talk really, and he just acts all macho and cool and he thinks he's really tough and I dont understand. He never acted like that before and all of a sudden a sudden change came over him. Before we broke up I noticed that he had mixed feelings about what he wanted to be when he got out of college...and before he was really set on being an airforce pilot...also he was a work aholic but now he rarely comes to work...and he loved me, and now he doesnt. I just dont understand how someone can change their feelings like that so quickly on me. I love him to death still eventhough I ignore him and I dont really pay any attention to him. I want him back very bad, and I dont want to date any other guys because I still love him. I just dont get whats up with this sudden change in feelings, and being a jerk to me sometimes and nice othertimes. And in the beginning of the break up he didnt know if he really wanted to or not...and he told me not to expect us to get back together, and then he told me he was in the middle and was 50/50....and the day after he told me he was all over the place...and the next day after that he hung up the phone on me and told me it was over. Since then I haven't talked to him about our relationship bc I'm afraid. I've wanted so many times. He really really cared about me once, he loved me so much once, he cried so many times bc he loved me so much...and he just threw it all away just like that. How can someone throw away a relationship just like that? I just dont get it, and I love him so much and I dont know if hes going to come back or not since its been a month...I just don't get it...

[Megan]

Ah we only dated for about 5 months...but he would always thank me for being with him and he couldnt believe he was with me. And I got so attached to him and I know I was going too and I would always say, "I hope we are together for a long time" and he said "Dont ever use the word, hope, always use the word know" (So "I know we'll always be together") See I think it took longer too for his feelings to change...but Our anniversary is the 19th and he got me this nice present and the sweetest card. he thanked me and he told me how much he loved me in it. And on the 1st of Dec he broke up with me. The day before we broke up we were talking about Christmas and Christmas eve. Nothing seems to add up and I just dont get it...

Well, I too have a hard time believing that his feelings changed over the course of one week. He had to have been unhappy in the relationship longer than that and just didn't say anything. How long did the two of you date? I hate to say this but the only other thing is that he was full of ##### and leading you to believe that he cared about you more than he actually did.

[Nic]

the only person who knows why he broke up with you is obviously him, but being a young guy in college, my guess is that he is just not ready for the intensity of "we'll always be together" at such a young age. sure, he probably did love you, and he may still love you, but that doesn't always stop people from needing or wanting to see other people.

 

him breaking up with you was probably playing on his mind for some time, and it wouldn't have been an easy decision for him. he may still feel the same way about you, but want different things now.

 

but sometimes things don't always make sense, even to the person who made the decision to break off the relationship. you will only send yourself insane trying to analyse the reasons why he broke up with you and get yourself no where. just don't take it personally because it's not about you, it's about him.

 

try to look at what you had with him as something that was very special and as a good experience in your life. at the moment, it may be hard to see it that way, but you will in time.

 

sometimes even the happiest relationships come to an end for whatever reason, but take this opportunity to be thankful for having such a lovely relationship, and know that there is always something better waiting for you out there.

Ah we only dated for about 5 months...but he would always thank me for being with him and he couldnt believe he was with me. And I got so attached to him and I know I was going too and I would always say, "I hope we are together for a long time" and he said "Dont ever use the word, hope, always use the word know" (So "I know we'll always be together") See I think it took longer too for his feelings to change...but Our anniversary is the 19th and he got me this nice present and the sweetest card. he thanked me and he told me how much he loved me in it. And on the 1st of Dec he broke up with me. The day before we broke up we were talking about Christmas and Christmas eve. Nothing seems to add up and I just dont get it...

[Tony T]

People who are immature have immature feelings. The guy was just extremely immature and incapable of having lasting feelings for anyone. This sort of fickle response is what you would expect from someone in junior high...or maybe senior high school. He obviously has a case of arrested development.

 

Your best bet is to date guys who are a bit older or a bit more mature or both. While your feelings ran very deep, his did not. His definition of love was probably very different from yours, based on his emotional age and his family background.

 

But, I will tell you, people are capable of changing rapidly at any age...but usually not as fast as this guy. Perhaps he had been shifting his feelings for a while and you just didn't notice because you were too caught up in the romance of things.

[Stargazer]

Sweetheart,

 

You have posted this problem of yours about 5 times now, you keep getting the same advice, but it's not getting through to you.

 

I'm really sorry that you've been hurt like this, I feel and understand your pain. I've been there and drove myself into depression because I didn't get it either. The truth is so hard to see, understand and accept.

 

The truth here as I see it is one of two things, one - he did feel all the things you say he did, he loved and cared for you BUT he changed his mind for his OWN reasons (which is why it's so hard for you to swallow this pill, you believed him). If that's the case then please somehow try and accept that you will NEVER EVER know his reasons for changing his mind, you will NEVER EVER be able to get into his head and know what was going on there, in which case you will NEVER EVER 'get it' and will keep searching for answers that you will NEVER EVER find.

 

Two - he didn't mean any of those things and played on your vulnerability to him, said what he had to say to keep you attached, to fulfill his own needs until he no longer needed or wanted what you were offering. From my experience guys who geniunely love and care as you say he did don't just go from feeling like that to nothing in that space of time. They don't go from love to complete bastard toward you overnight. In which case it's no longer valid for you to keep believing and focusing on what came out of his mouth then. Listen to what he's saying now and what he's doing now. I'm really sorry that you can't let this go. Try and accept that what he felt once is no longer true for him now. He changed his mind, it's got nothing to do with you, you did nothing wrong. Please stop analysing every single thing he said and did, if you want to analyse anything take a good long look at yourself. You will find the answers there.

 

Loosen your grip, let it go, sweetheart, somehow let it slowly go.

[Bummed out]

I have read so many of your responses to everyone and you make so much sense....are you a professional or what? Anyway I enjoy reading them and find I get more from your responses than everyone's story...please continue to provide them....

People who are immature have immature feelings. The guy was just extremely immature and incapable of having lasting feelings for anyone. This sort of fickle response is what you would expect from someone in junior high...or maybe senior high school. He obviously has a case of arrested development.

 

Your best bet is to date guys who are a bit older or a bit more mature or both. While your feelings ran very deep, his did not. His definition of love was probably very different from yours, based on his emotional age and his family background.

 

But, I will tell you, people are capable of changing rapidly at any age...but usually not as fast as this guy. Perhaps he had been shifting his feelings for a while and you just didn't notice because you were too caught up in the romance of things.