lisa Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 I meet a guy it was out of the blue , and kinda just happen it started out as just friends because I am married (but very unhappy) over the phone and e-mail we talked I new him in grade school but it had be a very long time . He was sweet and undestanding about everything he new I was going through areal hard time , he would e-mail me poems and cards and sweet little notes and really had me feeling special which is what I had been missing I really liked him and felt he was a good friend , then all of a sudden it started to change he started asking me about personal things about myself , and sexual things and I have to admit it was kinda exciting to me , but as time went on it became only about sex and he wanted me to go into detail about my sex fantasies and things like that , when I would talk to him he would be sweet then turn the conversation to sex in some way all of the cards stopped and so did the poems he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me ,that he has always loved me . He knows it will be a while before anything can happen between us as far as a relationship more then friends and says he will wait forever, I kinda get the feeling that I am some kinda obsession with him and am not sure what to feel about him , I know he is as lonely as I have been , but I don't understand the change from being friendly and sweet to being all about sex . Also when I ask him if he would like to go out as friends to lunch or to a movie he says he can't because we would have to have sex with me if he was around me . help I am not understanding this . Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 Hi Lisa, You've been married and have been on this planet for awhile now, you're seriously not that nieve to actually believe what he's saying against his actions? I understand you are lonely and that's the reason why you're logic has gone fishing but please don't allow yourself to fall for the words of the first guy who shows you any sort of attention, that's what you are doing here. Surely you know the answer here, it's pretty obvious. I gather you haven't even met this guy lately (grade school does NOT count) or have you, sorry it wasn't clear. I'm guessing you haven't recently met face to face, so I will say this: no one can feel, know and declare their eternal and undying love for you without having met you, that's ridiculous and the stuff of fairy land. You were vulnerable, he knew that, he said and did what he did to sweeten you up, you believed it, he's now shown his true colours. You are going to have to get used to this and wisen up a bit if you are going to continue net relationships, it's another form of a pick up, be a bit more guarded in the future rather than letting it all hang out. He's not obsessed, he just wants to have sex with you, period. He doesn't want anything more - look at his actions, he doesn't want to have lunch with you or go to a movie. Please! Yes he's certainly in love, always has been, that's why he wants to spend so much time with you, yes he certainly wants to spend the rest of his life with you and yes he definately will wait for ever. Have you got children? because I fear for their safety. Go get yourself a bulls*** detector and wear it at all times. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 Miss Lisa, you are married yet you concern yourself with this guy as if you were totally single. You may be having problems in your marriage for the same reason you are having problems with this guy. This guy you have been using as a relief from your bad marriage hasically has no respect for you. Yes, he started out sweet and nice but that's probably how he starts out every relationship...it's actually the way most guys start out relationships. Some stay nice, some go down hill at some point. You are lucky to see where this guy is coming from. He is out after sex and he's not unlike many highly charged guys out there who see women as sex objects. However, you get what you deserve. Until you have done everything you can to save your marriage, you deserve guys like this in your life. If you fail at saving your marriage, get a divorce. Once you are divorced, you will have earned the right to complain about jerks like this and to spend the time wondering about them. For now, you are one notch down from adultery and, if this guy would have played his cards correctly, you would have made it to that point with him. Since you say absolutely nothing about your husband or your marriage except that it's "very unhappy" I highly encourage you to work on your marriage and do whatever you can to try to save it. If you have given up, get out of it. I have absolutely no sympathy whatsoever for married people having difficulties with relationships of any kind, other than friendships, that they are having outside of their marriage. The guy you are talking to is not interested in friendship...he is interested in getting into your pants. If you want my real feelings on this guy you talk to on the phone, I think he gets excited just talking to you about having sex with you...and, if you let him, it would eventually lead to phone sex. If he were sane or decent and really wanted to meet you again in person, he wouldn't be talking to you like he is. Keep your marriage vows until you are divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Pat Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 Vulnerable women like you are the ones that are lured into dangerous situations and then we see movies about them on "lifetime TV". What planet are you from? This man sounds like he may be the ultimate manipulator and probably even dangerous. He has played with your head.. Those cards and etc. were just like him buying you drinks at a bar. They were absolutely meaningless. He was just trying to get you into bed. True love is something else. Get out of your marriage or work on it. You are a married woman. Life is Not GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 I admit I am very vulnerable , and to clear any confusion, I did everything to fix my marriage , he did not even try and we are getting divorced , and I will not have sex in anyway with anyone until my divorse is final , I can't say the same for my cheating no good husband , anywho this guy has made me think what his real interests are I even asked him if it is sex he wants and he says yes but he wants the whole package not just sex , but knows where I stand as far as doing anything with him ,and respects that, but says he is lonely and just hearing my voice turns him on , I have seen him once just because I had to see what he looked like (not that that matters) and it was a very brief meeting he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said I looked incredable to keep smiling it would be over soon and he would make me happier then ever . I guess I wanted to believe that he could be the one . see, I was told that someone was gonna sweep me off my feet and make me happier then I have ever been and i deserved it more then most because I have been through so much pain in my life (a very good phychic) and everything in the last 10 years he has told me has come true , I know there is alot of wacko people in this world But How do you know ? when they all start out sweet and nice ? The sicker they are the better they hide it , right ? I just want to meet someone who is gonna treat me right this time , I just want to be happy ! Do you have any advice on how to meet normal people in this crazy world we live in? I am not ready for a sexual relationship ,but I would like to make new friends . Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 I really could use one of those for both my husband and anyone new I meet Thanks : ) Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 TONY, I am Keeping my marriage vows until I am divorced. My husband did not ,but that is another story . I hear what your saying and will be more careful . It just seems like there is a big problem with men respecting women , Where does this come from ? I have always had a problem with men looking at me as a sex object because I am very attractive. how do I get past this? I need a man who wants all of me . what does a girl have to do to find a man who can see past the physical . Even my husband has shown through the years that the only thing he really wanted to do with me was sleep with me . I have also had a problem with some men not approching me because they felt I was out of their league whats up with that ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 Hi Lisa, Bulls*** detectors are available only from within, they come with age and experiences of people, life in general. Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 I would like you to respond to my response please : ) Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted December 29, 2000 Share Posted December 29, 2000 It is very clear to me that this guy wants sex and will try whatever he can to get it. He knows you are married, yet doesn't mind closing in on your husband's territory. Because you confided in him that your marriage was lacking, you opened the door to the wolf. Recently I have many married men come on to me with lines about how their marriage isn't working and about how they are not having sex with their wives. I guess they think I will fill in the gap for them but I don't believe in messing around with other people's husbands. This guy should have stayed away until you let him know you were separated. Then you would really find out what is on his mind, besides sex. Hi Lisa, Bulls*** detectors are available only from within, they come with age and experiences of people, life in general. Link to post Share on other sites
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