bunnzy Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 My boyfriend has 3 children, (refer to my past thread for any advice you want to give on parenting for me!!!) The oldest is 10, then 9, and then 6. My boyfriend is freaking out a little because the 10 yr old girl is developing and he doesnt know much about pads and tampons!!! He hasnt had a talk to her about 'sex' or 'cycles' he says he wasnt interested in those things until after high school (weirdo- of course now he can't get enough...), and if she is interested she'll ask questions. My parents educated me about sex when i was 8 and about cycles when i was 11, (but i didnt develop until i was 15) Our religion doesnt believe in sex before marraige or masturbation either, it teaches us to take care and respect out bodies. My boyfriend wants me to educate the girls about womanly cycles, since he is so blissfully ignorant! Is it too early to talk to them at 9 and 10 though? the oldest already is growing some pubic hair, (her aunty saw on accident when she was having a shower and she was very embarrassed until we told her it was ok) how long after you grow hair do you expect to get your period anyway? I can't really remember how i learnt, a book from the library and my parents, i think. I would appreciate knowing how you guys talk to your preteens about this. I don't feel comfortable about her learning about anatomy at school, its too objective and teaches 'safe sex' not abstinance. So i guess the main questions are; How to gauge how mature the girl is, and how ready to hear about shaving her underarms, using tampons and sex? How to make her feel comfortable asking questions without being embarrassed or silly? and Do i sit down and have one long talk, or a few different ones? Like one day, i'll pull her aside and teach her about pads, then a few days later i'll teach her about the cycle, next about hygeine etc...? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Most likely she will laugh at you inside while looking at you with enormous interest as if she is very surprised to hear about those things. Just kidding. Girls learn from their friends who learn from their older siblings, etc. I actually don't know the generation of kids entering teenage nowadays, but nobody really taught me about sex, except for the step-father who molested me. That's very sad and I wouldn't have found out anything about sex until 13-14 or even later if that didn't happen to me. I think she already knows about pads and cycles though and there is nothing sexual in that. Tampons she won't need right away. I believe it's much more important to teach her that there are molesters in this world who may want to use her body. It happens to an awful number of children and it's very neglegent to not warn your own children about this. Never count on the "she would never do that" belief. It's something that is happening to them, they don't do it by choice. I have told my 7-year old sons about the possibility that it might happen. One of my sons reported that a man tried to take his pants off in a bus full of people and me in front of them! But at least he recognized the intention and told me about it. I don't think it's wise to teach children about sex. It might come as a shock to them and IMHO, they don't need to know anything about it until they show interest. Children learn from school, TV, internet, books, friends... the information are available everywhere. What is important is for her to be protected by you with advice and warnings. When she is around 13, you can teach her about boys and the possibility of being taken advantage of, getting pregnant, getting an STD, etc. Now you will only make her feel embarrassed and fill her head with information that will raise her curiousity. She will not quench her thirst for knowledge by asking you questions anyway. In any case cycles are an innocent topic and you can tell her all about it right now. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 10, 2005 Share Posted October 10, 2005 Where is the mother of these girls? To be honest, my ex wife would pitch the mother of all fits it my girlfriend explained the birds and bees and puberty to my kids. Make sure that you are welcome in this venue. And if you are, I commend you for your foresight and willingness to tackle a touchy subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunnzy Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 The mother is a very bad influence on these children. She did drugs, (im not sure if she still is) smokes around them and is a bit of a nymphomaniac. I am afraid that if my boyfriend and i do not educate them they will get the wrong idea about sex. They probably are too young at the moment to talk about sex, but i will approach the ex wife and see if she is comfortable with me helping the 10 yr old with her periods. Even if she isnt, my boyfriend will be and will support me 100%. Hes awesome. Thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 It is NOT too early to talk to them at ages 9 and 10. In fact, please do! I came from parents who didn't talk about ANYthing to do with health, let alone what my body would do. He11, reproduction would have been completely out of the question. Imagine my surprise when I started at 10 1/2 and didn't know what was going on . . . it is something that is unforgivable, IMHO. You don't even have to get into the sex talk right away. Just let them know what to expect with body changes first. Tell them that everyone's time line is different. There is a book that I've seen in department stores that is entitled something like, "How to Take Care of Me." There was also a video put out several years ago by the Public Broadcasting Company, featuring the stars of Sesame Street (the people, not the muppets) that was an excellent film for discussing these issues to boys and girls. When I told my daughter, I would show her only the parts of the film that I wanted her to see at the time. I'm sure that you will find many resources for helping you with the discussion. I take my hat off to you for your interest in your boyfriend's children. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 my daugther is 10 and our doctor told us she will be starting soon and I was 10 as well. she recommened a book call the feeding and caring of me., by the american girls club. It only for girls and covers topics such as period changes in the body, hygene, shaving, body order etc.. it made to be able to be read at thier level so they can read it by themselves or with you. Also call her peditrition for adivce. Talk to her now. My daughter already has acne. She said don't let her shave yet and don't use bleaches or diplotary creams because at that age thier skin is too sensitive also she didn't recommend waxing. It gives a how to on shaving. The docotor also recommened soap because at 10 the acne soaps for teenagers like oxcy clearsil are too harsh, dove sensitive skin, pure & free, are goods soaps. really it is time I would do it with the 9 years old as well. As for sex my daughter knows the mecahnics of it but not the emotional part. I think for her it's abstract like learning about how plants grow. She knows how babies are concieved adn everything she knows we have sex but I don't think she is cincerend further than that. kids are a lot smarter and more sopisticated than you think. Also with the abstinance just don't make her feels ashamed of her feelings. everyone has sexual feelings and if you shame people it could lead to trouble just have an open honest dialog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunnzy Posted October 11, 2005 Author Share Posted October 11, 2005 That book sounds great, im not sure if i can find it in Australia, but i'll have a look around. We teach abstinance because we know how good sex is, not how 'bad' it is. I have not had sex with my boyfriend, and we won't until we are married because we respect each other so much, and we know that level of intimacy belongs only in marraige. Of course that doesnt mean we don't get urges now, and it isnt sometimes damn frustrating. But we know that they are good urges, even sacred to a point, and we don't want to disrespect that. There are physical benefits to abstinance, such as no chance of STDs or pregnancy. But there is a higher level of intimacy in a marraige if you know you have saved yourself for marraige. I have lost my virginity to a rapist, but i do not think that counts. By boyfriend was previously married and has three kids, so he obviously isnt a virgin either, but we have not made love together. I definately will teach her that emotional side, but it probably is too early. Because her dad was a single parent, she has had to be a bit of a mother to her siblings, she is too mature for her age, and i just want her to slow down a bit and enjoy being a child. Link to post Share on other sites
BadBadGirl Posted October 11, 2005 Share Posted October 11, 2005 i started my period at an extremely early age. talk to her. it is never too early, trust me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 12, 2005 Share Posted October 12, 2005 Is it too early to talk to them at 9 and 10 though? Absolutely not! As you see, they're starting to show signs of puberty already. The age of puberty has dropped since you were in it and it's important that they know about the reproductive system and how it works and that they learn correct information from you instead of myths and rumours from their friends. Her father should be involved in the discussions, should not act as though it's embarrassing or wierd. He needs to develop a mature relationship with his daughter so she knows she can come to him for advice if you happen to not stick around (don't know what your status is). Don't forget that the Internet is a fantastic resource. Look for good sites (that don't have an agenda to promote) for help with this. Here's one I found for starters: http://www.talkingwithkids.org/sex.html Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 can't you order it on amazon. I agree as hard as it is be open and hones and encourage coomunication. I is essential esp since she will soon be a teenager and faced with pressure form boys and need to be able to talk to you two. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 ANother good book I have used with my daughters (and this may be the same one you are referring to but maybe not) is called The Care and Keeping of You. THe Body Book for Girls. It is an American Girl themed book published by the American Girl Library. It is graphic enough when it needs to be but covers all aspects of going through puberty-- Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 that's the one I meant I got the title wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
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