SolG Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I've been sworn to secrecy... so this is my outlet. I've been bursting at the seams to tell someone. So you're it LoveShackers! My daughter and her beau are eloping in early 2020. They'll be getting married in one of our fav European cities. They'll be there because my daughter will be a bridesmaid at a destination wedding and they've decided to tie the knot while they're there as well. The couple whose wedding they're travelling for have agreed to be their witnesses. When she told me I obviously immediately asked for the date while simultaneously opening SkyScanner to look for flights. Only to be told I can't go. I completely understand; you can't secretly elope and have only one immediate family member there. That just opens the door to resentment from the rest who weren't told. But I'm still soooooo excited! They will be investing in an imagery package (stills and video) so we'll all get to see it after the fact. And I'm allowed to plan the celebratory 'we got married party' for after they get home. And I'm also thinking I'll probably upgrade their flights - they're too young to be able to afford to be able to fly business class themselves. It's going to be such fun! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 How exciting! And also how cool of you to be OK with their wishes . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Eloping is the way to go! Congratulations to them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I'm glad you can still share their joy. I'd be heartbroken to be told I could not attend. Give them some time. In a few months, ask them if they would be willing to let the cat out of the bag 90 days beforehand so that anybody who wanted to travel to celebrate with them could. I'm talking immediate family. You, the other parents & siblings only. Offer to take everybody out to dinner. Maybe that will enable you to be there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 I'm glad you can still share their joy. I'd be heartbroken to be told I could not attend. I'd have similar doubts about my wife's ability to handle being left out with equal grace. OP, congrats on the upcoming nuptials... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 what a great mom you are SolG. Congrats! Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 awww...that's sweet. Congratulations to your daughter and her soon to be husband! I'm not sure why your daughter thinks she can't have one immediate family member with her. Especially since that family member is her mom. Moms have their own special place and I think that most people understand and accept that. If I was doing something and the only person I wanted with me was my mom I can't imagine anyone saying "well how come your mom was the only one invited?" Because she's my mom! duh 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) Congratulations! It's wonderful of you to be OK with their plans. I do hope that they eventually decide they'll allow immediate family to be present though. When H and I got engaged, I actually considered eloping, but he told me it meant a lot to him to have his close family and friends present, so we did a small wedding. Looking back at it now, I'm really glad we did. We have had and will have many milestones and romantic moments together as a couple, just the two of us, but how many days in your life can you have all of your loved ones there to celebrate your union? My dad's and MoH's speech were memories that I'll cherish forever. Either way, congrats again! Edited February 22, 2019 by Elswyth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
divegrl Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 This is awesome!!!!! Congratulations!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
noelle303 Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 That's awesome, congrats! I think it's amazing that you respect their wish to just be the two of them, shows what a great and respectful mom you are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 22, 2019 Share Posted February 22, 2019 Congrats to your daughter and her beau, SolG. . Like most everyone else has expressed, I also marvel at your understanding, kindness and peace. I'd tend to agree with d0nnivain, to check in with the betrothed couple in late-2019, to see if their own views and desires have changed to the point of being able to also include in their 'real-live' experience, any of their other loved ones, friends and well-wishers. And I'm also thinking I'll probably upgrade their flightsThat is also a lovely thought! Before, though, I'd be tempted to just check and make sure that the whole 'other bridal' party aren't all booked together on the flight; wouldn't want to separate them, if that's the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SolG Posted February 25, 2019 Author Share Posted February 25, 2019 My daughter's father and I have been telling her since way back when that marriage isn't about weddings, and that we actually think eloping is smart because by and large weddings are a waste of money. So we really can't complain now that she's actually following our advice! Note to parents - they really do listen. They are actually worried about her other half's family more than anything. They'll definitely be shocked - especially his mother. However, he's the eldest with three younger sisters. So hoping the fact they have potentially three more weddings - with daughters - that will make up for missing this one. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted February 26, 2019 Share Posted February 26, 2019 My first husband and I got married at the courthouse without telling anyone, my husbands mother and sister never forgave us for it. They refused to talk to me ever again. Which I thought was really sad. I hope it works out better for your daughter and her fiancé. Congratulations to them! May they have many happy years together. My son is also getting married in early 2020, I'm so excited for them too!! Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 Congratulations!! I wish my son eloped. Especially today :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted March 12, 2019 Share Posted March 12, 2019 i got married, in a foreighn country, with 12 guests and family members. i had heard my bil was also getting married around xmas/newyears. i sent my bouquet to my stbesil with my mil. pretending that she was there to "catch" it. over the holidays we went up to the US and stayed with my new bil and stbesil. she showed us their wedding bands and talked about what she would carry since they were going to the "court house". we decided she would carry a small family bible that had been in her family for generations. when the day came, she and my bil got up and starting putting on their wedding clothes. his boys were up and for some reason mil and fil showed up???? any way, they got in their car and started down the highway to an out of the way courthouse, and we all got up and followed them. a caravan. parking right up front. we waited for them to come out. not much they could do to stop us. we talked, took pictures, kissed and congratulated them. that night they held a new years party we all knew was really a wedding reception. so, we got to "be there' but none of us went inside since my sil was adamant about eloping. i have mentioned to my daughters how hurt i would have been had i been the mother that missed her daughters wedding. we respected her choice but she's gotta respect that we are adults and can drive around the courthouse looking for their car all we want. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Whatsname Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 My sister married in Australia (we live in UK) and my mother and I were not invited, she was out visiting her husbands best friend and it was months in the planning. Every time my, now deceased, mother watched that video she broke down in tears - not of joy but regret that she missed the wedding, She was the only one in the two families who was supportive of their relationship and marriage (they had been previously brother and sister in law but their partner passed away and this brought them together). It pissed me off royally that when I offered to pay for my mum to fly out to witness it my sister put up barrier after barrier to stop it happening. When I married for the first time it was in a place where my mother could get to easily in one day and back home again, I don't think I ever saw my mum so happy until the day I brought my son home to see Nanny for the first time... Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Congratulations! I have also told my daughters their marriage (when/if they decide to do so) should be about the lifetime commitment and not the wedding day. I cannot be upset if they elope. I married my husband when we were stationed on Guam. There was no way our families were coming from PA and MI to see our wedding. It's nice that you plan on upgrading their airline tickets! Best of luck to all. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted May 8, 2019 Share Posted May 8, 2019 Congratulations! You must be a lovely Mother for your daughter to trust you so much. xox Give Mom-advice-seminars. Write a guidebook. Link to post Share on other sites
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