Jump to content

Question about children and a parent's new partner


Recommended Posts

Just spent a fabulous weekend with my daughter. One topic of conversation that came up was her father - my xH - planning to have his new partner move in.

 

xH and I had already discussed it and various legal arrangements we have that may need to change, etc. And my daughter tells me he discussed it with her as well, essentially asking for her blessing. We are both pleased for him, and really want him to be happy. And his partner seems made for him!

 

But apparently his partner's children have not been so understanding and are actively campaigning against their relationship progressing to this next stage.

 

My daughter and I really can't understand why. He's kind and good hearted, assertive as needs be, employed, well off, attractive, and has tried really hard to include them... Can't really understand what they might have to object to.

 

And they're not babes in arms. The youngest (of three) is 18, the oldest is mid-20s engaged to be married.

 

The end of their M apparently wasn't very amicable. But as my daughter puts it... 'Even if your parents don't like each other, you still want them to be happy. Right? Why don't they want their Mom to be happy?'

 

Good question. Well asked. I don't know. Do you have any ideas?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not sure I have any good ideas on why they'd object, but unless they have some silly idea that their parents could reconcile, then it probably has to do with money, in some way.

Link to post
Share on other sites
The end of their M apparently wasn't very amicable. But as my daughter puts it... 'Even if your parents don't like each other, you still want them to be happy. Right? Why don't they want their Mom to be happy?'

 

I'd guess the key lies in the fact the divorce was contentious and bitter, there can be perceived pressure on kids, even adult ones, to take sides. And so Mom's moving on may carry some hard feelings as a result of this.

 

You're asking teenagers and young adults to act maturely. almost a contradiction in terms. As the saying goes, this is probably a wound only time can heal. Is your ex's partner letting their resistance influence her decision to move in?

 

Mr. Lucky

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm making a few assumptions here to illustrate a point - just because your children had a stable home, with two parents who loved them, an amicable divorce, and you are all happily settled into a new life... doesn't mean that the same is true for your ex-h new partner and her family.

 

You have no idea what has happened in that family, what life has been like for those children, what the dynamics were in the home both before and after the divorce. It's not really fair to make assumptions of what you think they "should" be feeling, when you have probably not had the same experience.

 

I know, you are not really doing that - just trying to understand. I'm simply suggesting, family dynamics are complicated and unique to each family, given the nature of the relationships and the different people involved.

 

I do hope it works out for everyone though. If experience has taught me anything it is, most things do get better with time...

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...