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Finances and Parenting


Leigh 87

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So I want to talk about money and parenting. It is not like this is a topic I have access to engaging with among the parents I know, who asks people about money, even their friends?:sick: Seems in bad taste. So, here I am, trying to talk about something I cannot really speak of in my real life.

 

How many parents here waited years until they saved a lot and were ready to have kids?

And second of all: how many of you who waited until the "correct" financial time (so X amount of savings), knew they had known fertility issues yet still waited?

How many of you had an accident and proceeded despite not being financially ready?

OR, conversely and this is a hard topic: how many of you had abortions due to not being financially ready for kids? And: did any of you have known fertility issues yet go ahead with the termination due to not having enough money and wishing to finish college/uni first?

And lastly, are there any women like me out there (or should I say: couples, as we are in it together) - that could not really afford kids (no savings and only one partner working an average to low paid job) yet proceeded to get pregnant and keep the pregnancy anyway?

 

 

Please select which category you fell under at the time of conception and birth, and I would love for you to share with me how it shaped you in parenting.

 

There is no need to read further on, only if you are bored and have extra time but the above are the factors I want people to consider and respond to. Read ahead for a story, and why I am asking the questions I have proposed to you all.

 

I ask because: I have pcos, I will need assisted conception to have kids (or else it will take about 10 years before m body "naturally" conceive) and therefore I do not believe in being on the pill or using condoms, given my age (31) and the fact there is a large chance I cannot even have children at all, AND the fact I am with my life partner we do not want to be much older than 41 when we have an active ten year old running around.

 

Despite not being financially ready, we figure that, we cannot in good conscience, "prevent" any miracles happening; all in all, assisted conception sets couples back many thousands of dollars and is heartbreaking to endure.. So a miracle baby conceived for FREE seems more financially sensible to us in the long run.

 

Have any of you former - low income parents just made it work with accidental pregnancies, and still managed to reach goals in life despite being poor at the time of your childs birth? One friend of mine has no money, got pregnant and her partner died.. she had the baby and is well looked after my her mum and family - and is studying nursing and will be able to provide her daughter a decent life as a nurse in Australia - imagine if she did not have her baby - the last link of her diseased partner? All for what, to prevent being broke for 3 years? In the grand scheme of things, I just do not see why a few years of hard work sat Uni/college to better yourself and eating baked beans in the mean time - is worse than an entire lifetime with out a child that either: you may never get the chance to conceive again, or is the only link to a dead partner..

 

In healthy couples with no fertility issues I do agree that postponing having children is the best option, but I also see that the minority of couples may find their best option towards living their best life - may involve having kids before they are financially "ready".

 

The second factor to consider here is: did those of you who had kids when you were poor have a solid plan of action already in place to get OUT of your bad financial situation? We do. We are in the midst of establishing ourselves career wise, after starting later in life due to wanting to travel and be hedonistic when young. I get good grades and am less than two years off from graduating a podiatry degree an my Fiance is in a great field with loads of jobs and will never be out of work - he is close to getting a job with a well paid company and he has done as such before, and is just waiting for his big break and his "forever job".

 

So it is not like we are useless, hapless bums with no talents. We are both clever in some areas and know our strengths, and are over half way towards working towards matching our potentials with a decent, secure, respectable job. Our kids would be comfortable and well looked after, able to afford the movies and sports and a good school - by the time they were 6 or so. Providing we both are fortunate enough to maintain our normal health status and have no issues crop up - there is no reason why a podiatrist and a truck driver in Australia cannot afford to provide a good life for up to two children

 

I would love to hear your stories about being poor with a baby and not allowing a baby to stop you from achieving financial freedom. I now know that "waiting" for the right time is not for me, due to my age. Screw waiting until age 35 to even start, which is when around the time when we will be "ready" financially with loads of savings. The way I see it is: being childless due to leaving it to late can never be reversed, while it is not too late to get a comfortable job; I see single mums in my degree and at my University all the time - turning their financial situation around with a three year degree.

To me, under 2 more years of being poor (there is a 100% employment rate for podiatry where I live) is a walk in the park, compared to a lifetime of childlessness:sick: (to a woman who years for kids, involuntary childlessness is ranked equal to having cancer or a physical illness according to reputable research).

 

I would love people to weigh in on this debate, my favourite lecturer at Uni waited. They waited too long. She is now 45 without kids. They were financially able to care for a child years beforehand, but the husband and friends urged them to save more, get a nice house, get secure jobs....

And now she is childless. Not by choice - everyone assumes she is a mother, she is just the type who is made to be a mum. It is heartbreaking for her, we have talked a lot about it and yeah, she even arrives at stages where she says " Leigh, I could just quit my job sometimes to work with little children, singing to them on the floor as a day care provider":(

 

Please share how the status of your affairs during conception has impacted on your parenting to this present date.

 

Did being poor instil a new drive in you to fight extra hard so your kids could live well?

 

Or were some of you unable to ever better yourselves and remained poor for life, due to being poor delivery?

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Please select which category you fell under at the time of conception and birth, and I would love for you to share with me how it shaped you in parenting.

 

Well, I had two chapters and they played out in very different ways.

 

First marriage, waited until we were 28 to have a child. Marriage was already on the rocks, separated when my son was young and I never learned - or prioritized - parenting until divorced with joint custody. Lots of regrets over my lack of involvement early on but I worked hard to make up for it after we split. I was flat broke after the divorce so the money I made went to providing for my son. We had a lot of happy times doing fun, free stuff.

 

Second marriage in my mid-30's, wife got pregnant on our honeymoon. We wanted kids so no big deal. The real challenge came when she "accidentally" got pregnant quickly again, now two kids 363 days apart plus my son. We'd long decided she'd stay home with the kids, so raising three children on one salary was a challenge. Again, we prioritized their needs and did fun, non-Disneyland stuff.

 

I began to make more money, she went back to work and we lived comfortably, the path was set with both younger kids in middle school and my oldest starting college. And then somehow, when I'm 47 (my wife is younger), pregnant again! Much discussion between us, though we never really considered not having the baby. My youngest son was born, wife stays home and and it's a financial scramble again. I feel I missed on some things at home because I really had to focus on my career, which included some travel. I've made a lot of money and we've lived well, but there's been trade-offs.

 

So while I wouldn't have a child were I receiving government assistance, in most other instances you find a way. If you don't define "ready" as Gucci onesies, Hawaii vacations and private schools, most resourceful parents figure out the finances. And me personally, I'd rather live life than spend too much time preparing to do the same.

 

Good luck with your plans, hope you get what you want...

 

Mr. Lucky

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Well that sure makes for a very interesting story Mr Lucky!

 

How did your children enjoy having sibblings of such varying ages? It would sure have been a fun experience I am sure.

 

Do you believe that one can better themselves and increase their earning potential POST kids, if they are poor when they conceive? We aren't talking medical school or start ups or starting some business/opening restaurants/ investing money after years and years working 3 menial jobs to get there - I am talking about getting a mid range degree (like I am) that pays well enough to support a small family, that is not a too hard to get degree, and that you are at least half way complete pre kids. It just seems to manageable to me to just make it work even if we conceived NOW; our uni makes allowances for this and has belated exams and the like.

 

I mean, is life really over financially with all your chances of bettering your situation truly down the toilet after a baby?

 

I have an impetus to risk having children before I am ready only because I am not very fertile, I realise it is not ideal to go ahead and have kids you can barely support - I just know it will be transitional, and I DO believe that you CAN absolutely buy a house even AFTER you have kids! I mean, if you work hard in a decent job - the pair of you in the relationship - why not?

 

A lot of people purport that if you are renting before kids, you will 100% rent your entire life. I have not found this to always be true, I know loads of parents purchasing their first house well into their 30s, once the mother returns to work and they are able to collectively, save a deposit; alone, you need a 120K plus income to support an average family AND save for a house AND cater to emergencies, rent, and insurances....

 

Financially, my infertility seems good for us; later starters, good jobs by our mid to late 30s, so we will be able to catch up financially with the one child (as we are very unlikely to conceive more than one child with pcos, and if we did it would be later in life once we are comfortable!).

 

This is all a moot point as we will not spontaneously fall pregnant so I will get to wait until we save a nice 50K or so beforehand as well as being done with podiatry college and it will all be that "right time" that all the parents talk about. If we do ever have children at all that is.

 

I guess it doesn't hurt to ask around how other parents managed on a low income with a baby as we will never use birth control or protection so you just never know, however unlikely it is!

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Well, my experience:

 

Got pregnant summer before junior year of college, at 20. Obviously, this was the wrong time, I had two years of school left and two more year of grad school. I did have a job, but that in no way made me financially stable.

 

I had my daughter in March my junior year and I went to class and worked to the very day I gave birth. After that my professors allowed me to take a break from classes and only come take my finals. I literally took my daughter with me, as a newborn, to college to attend finals. She sat next to me in a chair.

 

During the first five-six months of her life - my parents helped me with rent because I couldn't work yet. This is something I will forever be grateful and I honestly couldn't make it without them.

 

After that, in September, I went back for my senior year and back to work and my daughter went to daycare. I managed to graduate on time, went straight to grad school and finished grad school when she was three.

 

I was lucky to be in a very good field, that is quite profitable and sought after so I got a good job almost straight away and I've been really successful at it.

 

My daughter is now seven and in January of this year we moved into our own beautiful home in a great area and we are financially very stable.

 

So, that can be considered a success story.

 

However, as I mentioned - being in school and having a baby - I can't even begin to explain how difficult that is. I am lucky that I naturally function very well on little to no sleep. Because that's pretty much all I got for three years. You can forget about studying at home while your child is awake. You can only do that once you've put them to bed. I would put my daughter to bed around 9 and literally study until 2 am and then I was once again up at 5 or 6.

 

And as far as finances go - as I mentioned, we wouldn't have made it if my parents didn't help us out for those first few months. And they've helped buy some of the bigger and more expensive equipment so I could save my paycheck.

 

I do understand where you're coming from and the fear that the longer you wait, the lesser the chances are, but you are still very young. Having a baby while in shool will stretch you out both physically and financially. Maybe it's worth waiting a couple more years to have a chance to enjoy those baby and toddler years more later.

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My story is brief. I paid for undergrad and graduate school on my own. When I got out I owed 100k in student loans. I started working at 26, and worked on just standing on my own two feet for a couple years from a finanical standpoint.

 

Then at 30 I met my husband and married at just shy of 33. I'm now 35 and am doing much better financially. However, I still have at least three years left of student loans. And my student loan payments are equivalent to a mortgage payment.

 

So by the time I'm done paying off my student loans my child bearing years will be over.

 

So I chose my career over having children. I don't think I could manage them both.

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My story is brief. I paid for undergrad and graduate school on my own. When I got out I owed 100k in student loans. I started working at 26, and worked on just standing on my own two feet for a couple years from a finanical standpoint.

 

Then at 30 I met my husband and married at just shy of 33. I'm now 35 and am doing much better financially. However, I still have at least three years left of student loans. And my student loan payments are equivalent to a mortgage payment.

 

So by the time I'm done paying off my student loans my child bearing years will be over.

 

So I chose my career over having children. I don't think I could manage them both.

 

Oh yes, that's another thing I forgot to add. I was lucky enough that my parents paid for my grad and undergrad education. Had they not, I would have had so much debt right now and probably wouldn't be doing so well financially.

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How did your children enjoy having sibblings of such varying ages? It would sure have been a fun experience I am sure.

 

It was fun and we shortly had a couple of built-in sitters for our youngest. Certainly, it was a house full of energy (and at times, chaos, drama and teen-age angst).

 

I mean, is life really over financially with all your chances of bettering your situation truly down the toilet after a baby?

 

No universal truths, but to me the reverse is true. I always took pride in being a good provider and knowing that effort goes towards supporting your family gives a clarity of purpose. We certainly had the lows (my middle son was a preemie with the resulting medical bills, had Catholic Charities not provided a turkey one Christmas we'd have dined on mac and cheese) but fought our way out of it. Proud to say I've put three kids through college so far and my youngest is currently a sophomore at the university. It certainly helps if both partners are on the same page.

 

we will never use birth control or protection so you just never know, however unlikely it is!

 

We said the same thing, next thing you know I was changing diapers at 47. Hope the same happens for you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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I didn't have kids. I'm 65 and really glad I didn't because I can't imagine how I would have supported them. I've worked two jobs most of my life to support just myself. With each passing decade, I have told myself, I am so glad I didn't. I wouldn't have been able to follow my dream if I'd had them young. If I'd adopted when older, I'd have sunk financially. Despite my best efforts, there were gaps in employment and also times when I was too depressed to care for myself, much less a child, though my rescue dog pretty much saved me during that time.

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Well, my experience:

 

Got pregnant summer before junior year of college, at 20. Obviously, this was the wrong time, I had two years of school left and two more year of grad school. I did have a job, but that in no way made me financially stable.

 

I had my daughter in March my junior year and I went to class and worked to the very day I gave birth. After that my professors allowed me to take a break from classes and only come take my finals. I literally took my daughter with me, as a newborn, to college to attend finals. She sat next to me in a chair.

 

During the first five-six months of her life - my parents helped me with rent because I couldn't work yet. This is something I will forever be grateful and I honestly couldn't make it without them.

 

After that, in September, I went back for my senior year and back to work and my daughter went to daycare. I managed to graduate on time, went straight to grad school and finished grad school when she was three.

 

I was lucky to be in a very good field, that is quite profitable and sought after so I got a good job almost straight away and I've been really successful at it.

 

My daughter is now seven and in January of this year we moved into our own beautiful home in a great area and we are financially very stable.

 

So, that can be considered a success story.

 

However, as I mentioned - being in school and having a baby - I can't even begin to explain how difficult that is. I am lucky that I naturally function very well on little to no sleep. Because that's pretty much all I got for three years. You can forget about studying at home while your child is awake. You can only do that once you've put them to bed. I would put my daughter to bed around 9 and literally study until 2 am and then I was once again up at 5 or 6.

 

And as far as finances go - as I mentioned, we wouldn't have made it if my parents didn't help us out for those first few months. And they've helped buy some of the bigger and more expensive equipment so I could save my paycheck.

 

I do understand where you're coming from and the fear that the longer you wait, the lesser the chances are, but you are still very young. Having a baby while in shool will stretch you out both physically and financially. Maybe it's worth waiting a couple more years to have a chance to enjoy those baby and toddler years more later.

 

Wow you are awesome.

 

I would hate to have had to be a full time mom and full time student with a job. Having had insomnia since a kid, I know what no sleep is like.

 

Having a professional job was essential to me as I just wouldn't feel like myself if I worked a menial job into my 30s. And having a very specific field and area I was interested in (medical and science and anatomy) I knew I would have done absolutely anything, in order to get that darned degree.

 

If I fell pregnant I have support. My parents and fiance would support me. Plus my one day a week job said they would allow me to bring a baby with me to work. Had two jobs and quit one to focus on college.

 

I could defer the degree. I could go part time. I only have a year and 4 months left until I graduate. I wouldn't need to kill myself to graduate and put food on the table. Fiance van currently support a child but would have no savings plus my parents would help if required.

 

I would be able to finish my degree. Pregnant or with a baby. Without working much, if at all. Many pregnant women have been through my degree. I am very very blessed in that my uni is AMAZING at helping students who have setbacks. They have special exam periods and grant extensions and basically, they allow people who can't keep up due to pregnancy, illness or bereavement to catch up and sit exams at a later date.

 

So while my fiance alone could afford to support me easily, there would just me no big savings or luxuries and also, the degree would be harder with an infant.

If I got pregnant next year early, I would actually graduated just before delivering. It really isn't long to go now in my degree.

 

Our current situation isn't something I would accept for a child. But.... I would be thrilled to have a child at any time now. Despite people's apprehension, I don't believe to start off in my position and improve your finances after your first baby. Its isn't like we wouldn't afford food or nappies and it isn't like I would need to be as strong as you, and work and study full time until the day I gave birth. So our situations ate slightly different.

 

We haven't got savings but are at a stage where he earns enough to support a family of three big dogs, a cat, and a girl who needs 200 plus a week in medical expenses.

 

Actually, he is able to get 100K plus a year jobs easily but they involve being an interstate log haul big truck driver. He chooses to earn less and be at home. So he would need to sacrifice and get one of the interstate jobs for the two or so years it would take to get me out of college and working again post baby........

 

I am truly inspired and feel very hopeful that people with little to no savings can in fact, manage to save, buy a house and live well despite giving birth whilst they are very low income and studying.

 

I guess it is just a matter of perspective. Two or three years of pain (studying and working with an infant due to having no money) is worth it to be a parent to many women.

 

I have seen too many women leave it until too late and regret it bitterly. I feel very strongly that fertility cannot be altered where as jobs and career can be.

 

I am sure you are so much happier with your blessing of a little girl AND your degree and subsequent career - than you would have been hypothetically, childless with perhaps more money or without having to endure those hard years to get stable.

 

I would be significantly less happy if I had more money and waited until I was stable yet remained childless, compared to if I was uncomfortable and poor for a few short years and got a child AND ended up with a good career anyway that was simply frosted a few years.....

 

Your story has left me with little doubt that I can manage with a baby before I graduate.

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My story is brief. I paid for undergrad and graduate school on my own. When I got out I owed 100k in student loans. I started working at 26, and worked on just standing on my own two feet for a couple years from a finanical standpoint.

 

Then at 30 I met my husband and married at just shy of 33. I'm now 35 and am doing much better financially. However, I still have at least three years left of student loans. And my student loan payments are equivalent to a mortgage payment.

 

So by the time I'm done paying off my student loans my child bearing years will be over.

 

So I chose my career over having children. I don't think I could manage them both.

 

My drive to raise my own child doesn't even let me entertain that notion.

 

I just... could not give two sh*ts about student loans or saving for a house first..... mate, if I did ALL of that before kids ,I would be 40 before I even tried.

 

I don't personally feel I am choosing kids over a career should I fall pregnant now before we have savings. I will still go on to be a podiatrist. I don't feel I have to pick between the two.

 

I don't think it's black or white. I don't believe I will be broke and poor forever if I have baby before we get savings or purchase a house or before student loans are paid off.

 

I feel like if the strong drive to have to raise a child was there, you would. With a good job already, you wouldn't let the fact you have to pay of all 100% of all your debts first get in the way at age 35. Maybe if you were in your 20s sure, even I actively avoided kids at that age due to not being ready financially.....but as soon as I reached a point where I was on a path to a good career, and had less than two years to achieve it then I stopped trying to prevent kids.

 

33 is the age I am personally going to start infertility treatments. I would try now but have uni and while we are not financially responsible enough to wait until we are late 30s to have the house and savings and loans paid off - cos that's how long it'll take to get all that done- we are also not daft enough to just go and start trying actively for a child - having unprotected sex every day is not true to conceive for us since I have pcos and need fertility treatments to conceive.

 

I just couldn't bring myself to actively prevent a miracle conception from occurring despite being poor. I can't explain it and maybe it's because of my known infertility disorder or perhaps the drive I have to HAVE to raise a child is simply stronger for some women than it is others.

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I have seen too many women leave it until too late and regret it bitterly. I feel very strongly that fertility cannot be altered where as jobs and career can be.

 

Bingo. And I had just as much fun with my kids - and their lives were just as fulfilled - when money was tight. They want your love, time, attention and involvement, everything else is secondary...

 

Mr.

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j

 

 

We said the same thing, next thing you know I was changing diapers at 47. Hope the same happens for you...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Oh your wife just got very, very lucky...

 

I am likely the rule, not the exception and will need assistance to fall pregnant. I highly doubt I will just spontaneously fall pregnant, this thread was just a " just in case" kind of thing, for me to learn about other poor people who had kids poor and managed to overcome it really, just at the reallllly tiiiiiiny chance, I do fall pregnant on acupuncture/ Chinese medicine and natural stuff alone.

 

I am awaiting graduating Uni, getting a full time job and saving for infertility treatments to get my children. Or child - if any at all!

 

I would actually kill to get so lucky to fall pregnant poor would still be the biggest blessing of my life, more than any of my travel days times 1000.

 

We never get what we want in life while we want them, so I have decided to move on from expecting children, and I actually plan my life child free as there really is no guarantee that the infertility treatment will work - much less naturally falling pregnant between now and age 32 (when I graduate and work full time and afford treatment).

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Bingo. And I had just as much fun with my kids - and their lives were just as fulfilled - when money was tight. They want your love, time, attention and involvement, everything else is secondary...

 

Mr.

 

It's not like I WANT to be poor, and struggle to provide basic needs, let alone added bonuses like tutoring and college/ university help...

 

And it isn't like I am here to be convinced that I should save and have X amount, my student loans paid off first and a house first and to start at age 38 which is when I will afford all those things....

 

I just wanted to hear the positives to going ahead and achieving your dream of having children even when you are poor - rather than waiting and potentially going without kids.

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If you wait till you have enough money saved you will never have kids... to me all that is doing is putting it off.. an excuse as it were..

 

When you have a kid(s) you just adjust your lifestyle to accommodate a child, you put the child and their needs first and foremost and having the newest iPhone all of a sudden becomes unimportant in your life.

 

You rearrange priorities and begin a new life when a child is born and the old one blends in and disappears...

 

One a child is around for a while you have learned to accommodate them into the finances then all of a sudden things open up some...

Children are expensive.. but not so expensive to not have..

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If you wait till you have enough money saved you will never have kids... to me all that is doing is putting it off.. an excuse as it were..

 

When you have a kid(s) you just adjust your lifestyle to accommodate a child, you put the child and their needs first and foremost and having the newest iPhone all of a sudden becomes unimportant in your life.

 

You rearrange priorities and begin a new life when a child is born and the old one blends in and disappears...

 

One a child is around for a while you have learned to accommodate them into the finances then all of a sudden things open up some...

Children are expensive.. but not so expensive to not have..

 

 

 

I completely agree. I mean, I don't think living pay check to paycheck and struggling to pay the bills is a fun way to live either, but with less than two years left until I am a podiatrist (it has a 100% employment rate atm) and my partner already on an average wage - I doubt we will be broke or poor or struggling for the basics for long.

 

My dad became disabled despite both my parents saving for over ten years post marriage before they had me.. they had the house, good jobs, they did everything right..

 

And then dad fell ill and we had to live on one wage anyway. They made sacrifices and provided me with a great life still. You just never know what will happen.

 

The only thing I am sure of (in a way I have never felt so sure about anything in my entire life) is that I will deeply regret not having children at all.

 

If I was in my 20's and without known fertility issues, I would have put off trying until I was graduated and working a couple of years but being 31 already and having a known fertility issue - I just can't do the whole " becoming financially stable/house/ loans paid off" thing.

 

My friend who is a podiatrist married to a doctor and had a 50K wedding, their own house and spent over 2K on a stroller - she think I should wait until late 30;s if need be - and wait until I save/buy a house and all of that stuff... It is easy for her to say this; she got to experience the joy of motherhood (which the intensity and level of happiness shocked her) and she is not faced with a fertility issue or being broke at 31. She has not had to pick between having kids at all, or saving until she is late 30s and risk never having them.

 

I am sure she would never give up her new daughter for any amount of money luxuries or being able to own her place versus be a home owner.

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IMO if you’re in stable relationship and can cover basic cost, waiting after 30 is foolish. You can save later but you can’t fix exhausted ovarian reserve. Also it’s grim but thinking about costs involved in taking care of disabled child (having one after 35 is very likely) greatly override the costs for a healthy child.

 

If we look at needs and wants for child rearing, wants are were the myth kids are expensive comes from. Piano lessons or braces are expensive but guess what, no one died of not having these. So it all comes to having roof over your head, nutrition and money for unexpected health costs. Everything else is optional.

 

If I were you Leigh, I won’t wait a day to start trying... Health conditions only aggravate with age and it’s easier to take a break now than when you’d be full force professional ...

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Wow you are awesome.

 

I would hate to have had to be a full time mom and full time student with a job. Having had insomnia since a kid, I know what no sleep is like.

 

Having a professional job was essential to me as I just wouldn't feel like myself if I worked a menial job into my 30s. And having a very specific field and area I was interested in (medical and science and anatomy) I knew I would have done absolutely anything, in order to get that darned degree.

 

If I fell pregnant I have support. My parents and fiance would support me. Plus my one day a week job said they would allow me to bring a baby with me to work. Had two jobs and quit one to focus on college.

 

I could defer the degree. I could go part time. I only have a year and 4 months left until I graduate. I wouldn't need to kill myself to graduate and put food on the table. Fiance van currently support a child but would have no savings plus my parents would help if required.

 

I would be able to finish my degree. Pregnant or with a baby. Without working much, if at all. Many pregnant women have been through my degree. I am very very blessed in that my uni is AMAZING at helping students who have setbacks. They have special exam periods and grant extensions and basically, they allow people who can't keep up due to pregnancy, illness or bereavement to catch up and sit exams at a later date.

 

So while my fiance alone could afford to support me easily, there would just me no big savings or luxuries and also, the degree would be harder with an infant.

If I got pregnant next year early, I would actually graduated just before delivering. It really isn't long to go now in my degree.

 

Our current situation isn't something I would accept for a child. But.... I would be thrilled to have a child at any time now. Despite people's apprehension, I don't believe to start off in my position and improve your finances after your first baby. Its isn't like we wouldn't afford food or nappies and it isn't like I would need to be as strong as you, and work and study full time until the day I gave birth. So our situations ate slightly different.

 

We haven't got savings but are at a stage where he earns enough to support a family of three big dogs, a cat, and a girl who needs 200 plus a week in medical expenses.

 

Actually, he is able to get 100K plus a year jobs easily but they involve being an interstate log haul big truck driver. He chooses to earn less and be at home. So he would need to sacrifice and get one of the interstate jobs for the two or so years it would take to get me out of college and working again post baby........

 

I am truly inspired and feel very hopeful that people with little to no savings can in fact, manage to save, buy a house and live well despite giving birth whilst they are very low income and studying.

 

I guess it is just a matter of perspective. Two or three years of pain (studying and working with an infant due to having no money) is worth it to be a parent to many women.

 

I have seen too many women leave it until too late and regret it bitterly. I feel very strongly that fertility cannot be altered where as jobs and career can be.

 

I am sure you are so much happier with your blessing of a little girl AND your degree and subsequent career - than you would have been hypothetically, childless with perhaps more money or without having to endure those hard years to get stable.

 

I would be significantly less happy if I had more money and waited until I was stable yet remained childless, compared to if I was uncomfortable and poor for a few short years and got a child AND ended up with a good career anyway that was simply frosted a few years.....

 

Your story has left me with little doubt that I can manage with a baby before I graduate.

 

Oh it can absolutely be done. It's harder, but as long as you have enough money for a roof over your head and food on the table and you have support, yes it can be done.

 

Will it be harder - yes. Don't forget - stretched out finances and lack of sleep leads to cranky, stressed out people.

 

However, if you're aware of all these hardships and prepared for them, then it's really between your and your partner. You don't need to own a home or have tons of savings to be a good and stable parent.

 

I really do not regret having my daughter one bit and I know those first years were hard but built me up as a parent and a person.

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major_merrick

I think it all depends on how wise you are. Most people I know are foolish and lose their money paying for services and luxuries. It is possible to cut costs to a bare minimum to be able to afford the security of a home you own. Some of this also depends on the area where you live.

 

 

 

When I was growing up, my mother had my sister and after she was weaned decided that it was up to me to take care of her. I had zero experience and zero ability, but I discovered what the bare minimum actually is - and it isn't much! I had to find food because there was nothing in the house, and a twelve year old can't work a job. I begged, borrowed, and stole. What medicine there was I was usually able to get through friends. I got clothing...somehow. But we made it!

 

 

 

I think the cost of raising children (barring medical expenses) is usually found in items other than food and clothing. So figure out what the bare minimum is, and work from that. Cut out the services you don't need. My husband has several young children. Of course, our home has multiple incomes, but we still cut out things we don't need. We don't have television. Our internet is very basic and is used for work, as are our phones. We almost never eat out, and that is something that is not for kids. There are no vacations. If something needs to be fixed (cars, appliances, plumbing) we do it ourselves rather than hire it done. Kids' clothes are hand-me-downs, thrift store finds, or homemade.

 

 

 

No matter what income level you are at, more things are possible if you waste less. I think raising children is possible if your finances aren't quite right yet, but you have to be careful how you do it and throw out a lot of "advice" from people telling you how your child needs everything under the sun.

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IMO if you’re in stable relationship and can cover basic cost, waiting after 30 is foolish. You can save later but you can’t fix exhausted ovarian reserve. Also it’s grim but thinking about costs involved in taking care of disabled child (having one after 35 is very likely) greatly override the costs for a healthy child.

 

I am so glad you understand where I am coming from. I know I am not "old", but it is not as though I would be "choosing between" a career or having kids, or between being poor for life and having a baby (Or not).

 

I really doesn't seem like an either or choice.... I mean, we are very blessed to have family around and a good relationship. HE could go and earn 1500 plus a week now if he wanted but he is trying to get out of interstate truck driving long haul style trips BUT - the decent paycheck is there tomorrow, if he so chooses. He is transitioning out of it, and seeking normal 8 to 12 hour days, close to home with lesser pay - until he gets the capital to start a business or he gets in with the top 2 trucking companies that do reasonable hours/work life balance (the rest are 16 to 20 hour days and 100% UNSAFE - do not drive near trucks on the road, trust me....)

 

If we look at needs and wants for child rearing, wants are were the myth kids are expensive comes from. Piano lessons or braces are expensive but guess what, no one died of not having these. So it all comes to having roof over your head, nutrition and money for unexpected health costs. Everything else is optional.

 

By the time the kid was at the braces stage, we will be well off/comfortable as we have both worked very hard towards career goals that we are half way to achieving. We don't need another 10 years just to be financially secure. And I think that is when the braces would come in?!

 

It is only now, we would have no savings until I graduate and also work at least part time.

 

I small child may feel left out if he is too poor to.. well, leave the house and do anything other than eat sleep and attend school. But again - it is only the baby stages that we would be poor, I graduate within 2 years so....

 

It would just be very very tight, but again - we are in a stable relationship and we could feed the baby and get it medical care and clothes etc

 

PCOS is a disease that does not get worse with age necessarily - it is all over the shop, and age is NOT a factor in PCOS and the associated issues; some women get better as they age and have babies easier after taking ten years for their first, some of them get worse after babies while just as many of us PCOS sufferers remain with screwy hormones for our entire lives with no reprieve with age.

 

If anything and on average - PCOS afflicted individuals have a higher rate of pregnancy in mid to late 30s. It is common for a PCOS sufferer to be infertile throughout her 20s and 30s, only to spontaneously conceive in her very late 30s or early 40s.

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Oh it can absolutely be done. It's harder, but as long as you have enough money for a roof over your head and food on the table and you have support, yes it can be done.

 

Will it be harder - yes. Don't forget - stretched out finances and lack of sleep leads to cranky, stressed out people.

 

However, if you're aware of all these hardships and prepared for them, then it's really between your and your partner. You don't need to own a home or have tons of savings to be a good and stable parent.

 

I really do not regret having my daughter one bit and I know those first years were hard but built me up as a parent and a person.

 

I could tolerate that stretched and financially risky time of life for a year or two, but yeah, it is not fun way to live long term!

 

I find it hard to get my head around women who think they WANT kids yet wait until they have an IDEAL financial situation - I mean.. Sorry to say but it is sort of upsetting for them to see you, you at least has a beautiful daughter who you are probably SO much happier with than without - AND you went ahead and got a career anyway:bunny: And yet these older women miss out, and end up with the same career you have but no child; many regret it for the rest of their lives. Anecdotally, I know one such women myself.

 

When these types of women who are comfortable with the notion of missing out on the joys of parenthood (for those who WANT kids that is, not everyone has this biological pull!) - when they try and impart on ME their own dogma.... I just want to cry for them. I really feel tremendously sad for them, that they are missing out on what is possible the happiest feeling a woman can have in life - WHILST they simultaneously do not have to give up a career or travel or everything in order to experience such a biologically driven, satisfying experience.

 

I am so glad you had your daughter. It just goes to show that some things, like a career and having a nice house, are not mutually exclusive.

 

I mean, life is "hard" as it is - we all have to work hard and go to work when we do not always feel like it...what is another year or two of financially hardships, for the sake of having a child?

 

I also do not see these couples who "waited" for the right time, and subsequently missed out on parenthood, travelling to the Bahama's or the Maldives every few months, or jetsetting around the world. People who are intelligent and find things they are good at and are good enough with people to work in a team - tend to achieve a pretty good comfortable state of being, with OR WITHOUT kids......

 

I have never seen someone who is say, fortunate enough to get an educated and a good career be well off - only to become poor due to kids.

 

The way I see it is, we will just not travel overseas again until we retire/later in life, and perhaps once with our 1 or 2 children in the interim - where as without kids - we could travel once a year but it would not exactly be in first class, or in super luxury, we would not be driving Aston Martin cars without kids.. We would just travel more. We would likely live in a similar house and neighbourhood.

 

I love to travel but... Flying economy class once a year and exploring the world and going back to the same house and the same type of neighbourhood as I would reside if I HAD conceived children - does not even come near to 1% close to convincing me that yearly travel would be more fulfilling than raising a child.

 

I am actually thinking that yearly overseas trips, economy class, is the only thing I am REALLY trading, financially, in place of children. That and fancy beauty treatments which I do not have due to ultra sensitive skin.

 

I am sure you would be a lot less content without any children. Women with a true, biological drive should read your story. It just made save them from a world of pain when they are 40 plus and childless not totally by choice.... A real kick up the bum when they did not even have known fertility issues, and could have conceived in their 30s....

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IMO if you’re in stable relationship and can cover basic cost, waiting after 30 is foolish. You can save later but you can’t fix exhausted ovarian reserve. Also it’s grim but thinking about costs involved in taking care of disabled child (having one after 35 is very likely) greatly override the costs for a healthy child.

 

If we look at needs and wants for child rearing, wants are were the myth kids are expensive comes from. Piano lessons or braces are expensive but guess what, no one died of not having these. So it all comes to having roof over your head, nutrition and money for unexpected health costs. Everything else is optional.

 

If I were you Leigh, I won’t wait a day to start trying... Health conditions only aggravate with age and it’s easier to take a break now than when you’d be full force professional ...

 

Doubtful we can even "try" before we seek out infertility treatment anyway. I get 28 day cycles but atm, every third cycle keeps bleeding unless I pay 100s a week on natural supplements and acupuncture... So all our money goes into making my body function normally like other women (constant bleeding is awful).

 

So.... This thread is not really a reality or even a possibility to someone like me, who is focused on simply paying 100s just to get my body having normal, healthy 28 day cycles.

 

It just sounds crazy to many people that, despite our low finacial status, I will actually be thrilled if by some miracle, my keto /sugar free diabetic diet, alongside the fact I am healing my body naturally - will result in a miracle baby. We would be thrilled if it happened naturally because who WANTS to inject themselves with hormones and endure infertility treatments:sick:

 

I am glad we are open to it now, as when I am about 33 we will be aggressively starting infertility treatment - and I would kick myself knowing that I did not do everything I could to avoid that pain - and it is pain and hell, enduring the hormones, the month after month of failed cycles, the feeling hopeless that your body needs medical drugs just to ovulate and even then you cannot conceive. It is hell, plain and simple.

 

I actually feel really pleased that we have the opportunity of affording the natural treatments required to give me the best shot possible at conceiving naturally, before resorting to the hell of infertility treatments.

 

In fact, it will be a walk in the park to fall pregnant naturally and be poor for a year or two - compared to how awful it would be to take infertility drugs and then likely have to do IVF.....

 

I hope I fall pregnant poor. Because in the long run, I would have avoided the trauma of infertility treatments AND still get a career in the end anyway.

 

Ideally - I would love to get pregnant naturally and with plenty of savings but that just is not an option available to us and it really is a matter of me choosing which option I am happier to live with; the chance or a natural conception whilst poor but when in my early 30s.... or waiting until we have money and endure years of infertility drugs only to have a 50% shot at the treatments not even working:sick:

 

I see my decision to aim to have a baby "poor" as a fantastic decision however messed up is sounds, and do not see any value in waiting at this stage in my life.

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I think it all depends on how wise you are. Most people I know are foolish and lose their money paying for services and luxuries. It is possible to cut costs to a bare minimum to be able to afford the security of a home you own. Some of this also depends on the area where you live.

 

 

 

When I was growing up, my mother had my sister and after she was weaned decided that it was up to me to take care of her. I had zero experience and zero ability, but I discovered what the bare minimum actually is - and it isn't much! I had to find food because there was nothing in the house, and a twelve year old can't work a job. I begged, borrowed, and stole. What medicine there was I was usually able to get through friends. I got clothing...somehow. But we made it!

 

 

 

I think the cost of raising children (barring medical expenses) is usually found in items other than food and clothing. So figure out what the bare minimum is, and work from that. Cut out the services you don't need. My husband has several young children. Of course, our home has multiple incomes, but we still cut out things we don't need. We don't have television. Our internet is very basic and is used for work, as are our phones. We almost never eat out, and that is something that is not for kids. There are no vacations. If something needs to be fixed (cars, appliances, plumbing) we do it ourselves rather than hire it done. Kids' clothes are hand-me-downs, thrift store finds, or homemade.

 

 

 

No matter what income level you are at, more things are possible if you waste less. I think raising children is possible if your finances aren't quite right yet, but you have to be careful how you do it and throw out a lot of "advice" from people telling you how your child needs everything under the sun.

 

 

I am super waste conscious. I shop only at second had stores - but still have ammassed a wardrobe with very expensive brand clothes which I find for under 10 dollars mostly.

 

I dunno. I just do not feel good paying even sale prices for expensive brands, when I find them all in bargain shops that are in turn, recycling and better for the planet too.

 

I would never put my kids in all brand new clothes when I know I can get them second hand and still get the same brand names and quality, for less than 1/4 of the usual price.

 

Overseas travel once in their lifetimes, tutoring to get them ahead and optimise their talents and buying a safe second had car so that they can learn to drive at a young age - are the only luxuries I can think of that I believe I would enjoy delivering a child. And braces and for a girl, any necessary beauty stuff if she has severe acne and needs say, decent skincare and dermatologists help to feel good about her skin.

 

I will be doing it differently from my parents. No hand outs, they will wash up and get a job at 15 part time - I will meet them half way - I will pay for a car or an interstate trip with their friends providing that they work a day a week at Mc donal's and show they save 1/4....

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MuddyFootprints

I had all kinds of things I'd never do and always do before I became a parent, too.

 

It's day by day, skin of your teeth, roots of your hair, the last quarter in your wallet some days.

 

Worth every bit of it, but don't think that you are going to do it the way you think right now. Kids change you and you'll probably turn into a completely different parent than you ever envisioned.

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I had all kinds of things I'd never do and always do before I became a parent, too.

 

It's day by day, skin of your teeth, roots of your hair, the last quarter in your wallet some days.

 

Worth every bit of it, but don't think that you are going to do it the way you think right now. Kids change you and you'll probably turn into a completely different parent than you ever envisioned.

 

 

You are completely right of course, but there are some mistakes my own parents made which I refuse to repeat at all costs. Namely, my child (if I am ever able to conceive with pcos) - will not be as spoilt rotten as I was.

 

I have NO clue what sort of parent I will be discipline wise, or... basically how I will do anything - I have no idea if I will want to go back to work right away in order to keep my sanity, or if I will wish to stay at home for years and never return to work - who knows, who cares honestly - as long as we are all as happy as we can be and are following the methods with which most benefit us at the time!

 

So while how I parent will be a total mystery until I am handed the option of parenthood (which again, women with PCOS may not be able to have children) - there ARE a few things I will point blank NOT do; over spoiling, is definitely one of the no no's for us... The teenager could tell me they hate me and to f*ck off all they wanted too; I will not budge on the getting over spoilt thing:lmao:

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Well, my experience:

 

Got pregnant summer before junior year of college, at 20. Obviously, this was the wrong time, I had two years of school left and two more year of grad school. I did have a job, but that in no way made me financially stable.

 

I had my daughter in March my junior year and I went to class and worked to the very day I gave birth. After that my professors allowed me to take a break from classes and only come take my finals. I literally took my daughter with me, as a newborn, to college to attend finals. She sat next to me in a chair.

 

During the first five-six months of her life - my parents helped me with rent because I couldn't work yet. This is something I will forever be grateful and I honestly couldn't make it without them.

 

After that, in September, I went back for my senior year and back to work and my daughter went to daycare. I managed to graduate on time, went straight to grad school and finished grad school when she was three.

 

I was lucky to be in a very good field, that is quite profitable and sought after so I got a good job almost straight away and I've been really successful at it.

 

My daughter is now seven and in January of this year we moved into our own beautiful home in a great area and we are financially very stable.

 

So, that can be considered a success story.

 

However, as I mentioned - being in school and having a baby - I can't even begin to explain how difficult that is. I am lucky that I naturally function very well on little to no sleep. Because that's pretty much all I got for three years. You can forget about studying at home while your child is awake. You can only do that once you've put them to bed. I would put my daughter to bed around 9 and literally study until 2 am and then I was once again up at 5 or 6.

 

And as far as finances go - as I mentioned, we wouldn't have made it if my parents didn't help us out for those first few months. And they've helped buy some of the bigger and more expensive equipment so I could save my paycheck.

 

I do understand where you're coming from and the fear that the longer you wait, the lesser the chances are, but you are still very young. Having a baby while in shool will stretch you out both physically and financially. Maybe it's worth waiting a couple more years to have a chance to enjoy those baby and toddler years more later.

Love your story! Hope you and your daughter continue to have happy years together! :love:

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