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Mother of my son won’t let me be involved


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Old 31st July 2018, 1:17 AM   #1
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Mother of my son won’t let me be involved

I have been with this woman for about a year and a half. Our son was kind of one of those “oops” type things, but I couldn’t be happier.

Since he’s been born I’ve wanted to be an active presence in his life and she keeps me at arms length. She stops me from coming over, she won’t say she’s my girlfriend, when she does let me go there it’s usually late at night right before she puts him to bed. When she does let me come over, we usually have sex. I don’t understand why she keeps wanting to sleep with me but won’t let me be active in their lives. I would love it. I love them...

This all started because when she was pregnant I thought she was cheating on me. I asked her to take a paternity test after the baby was born. She was furious and stone walled me from her pregnancy.

I asked her to marry me last month, but she said no. She won’t even let me give her money for our son.

What can I do to change her mind?
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Old 31st July 2018, 1:46 AM   #2
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Did she agree to the paternity test? You can go to a lawyer and apply for access to your child through the courts. Then she can't stop you from being a part of your child's life.
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Old 31st July 2018, 4:19 AM   #3
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Yep, one parent can never STOP the other from being involved. She put obstacles in your way and you've laid down. So really you're stopping yourself.
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Old 31st July 2018, 5:11 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by Bdad View Post
I have been with this woman for about a year and a half. Our son was kind of one of those “oops” type things, but I couldn’t be happier.

Since he’s been born I’ve wanted to be an active presence in his life and she keeps me at arms length. She stops me from coming over, she won’t say she’s my girlfriend, when she does let me go there it’s usually late at night right before she puts him to bed. When she does let me come over, we usually have sex. I don’t understand why she keeps wanting to sleep with me but won’t let me be active in their lives. I would love it. I love them...

This all started because when she was pregnant I thought she was cheating on me. I asked her to take a paternity test after the baby was born. She was furious and stone walled me from her pregnancy.

I asked her to marry me last month, but she said no. She won’t even let me give her money for our son.

What can I do to change her mind?
well, first, no more "oops" babies. always use protection.

next, you need a positive DNA test and a lawyer to represent you in family court in order to get custody, child support and visitation into the court records.

i can't see any other way then to play hard ball. she doesn't seem to give a damn about you being the father or being involved so if that's what you want, then go for it, legally.

good luck

time is flying by and if you don't get visitation, including overnights, you are going to miss out on your child's life and that's bad for your kid.
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Old 31st July 2018, 8:06 AM   #5
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Did she agree to the paternity test? You can go to a lawyer and apply for access to your child through the courts. Then she can't stop you from being a part of your child's life.
She did. He’s definitely mine, but the relationship hasn’t been the same since.
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Old 31st July 2018, 8:09 AM   #6
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well, first, no more "oops" babies. always use protection.

next, you need a positive DNA test and a lawyer to represent you in family court in order to get custody, child support and visitation into the court records.

i can't see any other way then to play hard ball. she doesn't seem to give a damn about you being the father or being involved so if that's what you want, then go for it, legally.

good luck

time is flying by and if you don't get visitation, including overnights, you are going to miss out on your child's life and that's bad for your kid.
Her method of birth control has changed since. We did do a dna test, and he’s mine. He’s also my little mini me.
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Old 31st July 2018, 8:20 AM   #7
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You need to find a good lawyer. One parent can not deny another parent access to the child.

No way would I be visiting this woman and having sex with her in this situation. Either she wants a relationship with you, or you file for shared custody. And... it doesn’t seem like she wants a relationship with you. And, I wouldn’t ever trust her anyway...
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Old 31st July 2018, 8:44 AM   #8
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Tell her you don't want sex you want to see your son. Tell her you are going to court to get your rights to your child.
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Old 31st July 2018, 11:56 AM   #9
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She won’t even let me give her money for our son.
Bdad, part of your problem may be perception. "Give her money" as in "here's $100" is different than sharing the monthly financial burden of raising a child. She may have seen that gesture in the same light as your paternity request.

Does she live by herself or with family?

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Old 31st July 2018, 12:50 PM   #10
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You have a legal right to see your kid & she's breaking the law by denying access. You probably can't change her mind but you can force her to let you see your kid.
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Old 31st July 2018, 4:30 PM   #11
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Why would you propose to a woman that isn’t trustworthy?
She isn’t above using your son as a pawn to hurt you.
The fact that you felt the need to demand a paternity test with no evidence of cheating shows that you don’t think highly of your son’s mother.
Regardless of your actions, your ex cannot keep you away from your child.
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Old 31st July 2018, 6:18 PM   #12
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Why would you propose to a woman that isn’t trustworthy?
She isn’t above using your son as a pawn to hurt you.
The fact that you felt the need to demand a paternity test with no evidence of cheating shows that you don’t think highly of your son’s mother.
Regardless of your actions, your ex cannot keep you away from your child.
Because I’m so in love with her. She’d been texting this guy back and forth and I just freaked out. I know for a fact she’s been with him since our son has been born.
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Old 31st July 2018, 6:21 PM   #13
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Bdad, part of your problem may be perception. "Give her money" as in "here's $100" is different than sharing the monthly financial burden of raising a child. She may have seen that gesture in the same light as your paternity request.

Does she live by herself or with family?

Mr. Lucky
She lives by herself. The money isn’t just $100 here and there, it’s been half the rent on the first, it’s been paying for groceries when we’ve gone to the store together, or trying to pay the utilities, or doctors co-pays for our baby. Things to help...
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Old 31st July 2018, 6:35 PM   #14
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She lives by herself. The money isn’t just $100 here and there, it’s been half the rent on the first, it’s been paying for groceries when we’ve gone to the store together, or trying to pay the utilities, or doctors co-pays for our baby. Things to help...
I would suggest a more formal arrangement.

Speak to a lawyer and get proper child support payments happening. And initiate shared access. Just bear in mind that your child will need time to get to know you and may have to start with smaller visits.

And remind yourself that a woman who's seeing someone else and still sleeping with you is not worth your tears. Distance yourself from her and use legal help to get closer to your child.

Last edited by basil67; 31st July 2018 at 6:38 PM..
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Old 31st July 2018, 6:38 PM   #15
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Because I’m so in love with her. She’d been texting this guy back and forth and I just freaked out. I know for a fact she’s been with him since our son has been born.
So your are sharing her with her boyfriend?

Maybe you should think about getting some self respect.
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