LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Familial > Parenting

Overprotective?


Parenting Discuss tips, concerns, and all the mayhem involved in raising kids.

Like Tree35Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 8th July 2018, 9:04 AM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Overprotective?

I have a parenting question and I would very much appreciate LS's advice.


My 13 yr. old daughter has been invited to spend a week with a school friend at an RV camp at the beach about 2 hrs. away from our home. They would be accompanied by the friend's grandmother. I have never met the grandma but have met the girl's parents and the girl has slept over at our house a few times.


My daughter of course is very excited but I on the other hand am very ambivalent to let her go. I would like very much to not let my fears get the best of me and allow her a fun summer adventure with her friend.
On the other hand, if something happened, I'd never forgive myself.
Also, cell phone reception in this area is spotty to nonexistent and there are no lifeguards/supervision beyond a few park rangers a couple miles from the campsite.


What would you guys do?
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 9:47 AM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,744
I don't have kids but I'd at least meet the grandmother. After meeting her reassess the situation. Talk to the grandmother about some of your concerns -- no lifeguards & spotty cell service. Maybe the cell service has improved. If it hasn't perhaps you can work out a system where your daughter could call .. . . going somewhere with better signal.

My answer would also depend on how well your daughter swims & how mature you think she is. At 13 my parents would have let me go, even though there was no such thing as cell service back then.

If you end up deciding she can't go, is there any way you could take one day off that week, to drive her down there so she could go to the beach & spend time with her friend under your supervision? Maybe if you get a better feel for the area & the grandmother you would feel more comfortable letting her go next year?
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 10:02 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Thank you d0nnivain, I like the idea of driving down for the day and having the girls spend time with myself there to supervise.


The grandmother is not from the area and first meeting would be at travel and leave time. Imagine my changing my mind then, bags packed, never mind, lol. I'll have to use my judgement now.


I am familiar with the area, it's quite beautiful. I spent whole summers much further away from my parents at a younger age than my daughter without a cell phone in sight.
I sometimes think my parents were insane...I mean nonchalant, ha ha.


Thank you.
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 10:10 AM   #4
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,744
Can somebody set up something like a Skype or something so you can talk to the grandmother? I mean are we talking a spry fun loving 65 something grandmother or an 80 year old with bad knees & poor eyesight?
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 10:19 AM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 8,149
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timshel View Post

I am familiar with the area, it's quite beautiful.
Well then, it shouldn't be a hardship to take a good book and enjoy a beautiful drive/day.

I think Donnivain gave excellent advice. I hope all works out well.
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 10:38 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Can somebody set up something like a Skype or something so you can talk to the grandmother? I mean are we talking a spry fun loving 65 something grandmother or an 80 year old with bad knees & poor eyesight?

That's what I am wondering. I'll try to gather more information without being rude.
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 10:43 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Well then, it shouldn't be a hardship to take a good book and enjoy a beautiful drive/day.

I think Donnivain gave excellent advice. I hope all works out well.

Thanks, I agree that a drive for the day would be a good compromise.


Am I being silly though? A day with mom included is not the same as a week away with a friend.



I would like to be reasonable, I know that some of my best memories were away with my friends having a new adventure.


Am I being prudish and unreasonable?
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 11:33 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,924
My kids are 20+ and I still get nervous when they head out to the lake. I still harp the danger of the terrible undertow, make sure they have packed sunscreen, have drinking water, remind them to watch the warning flags and to not go chasing after wind captured inflatables, to make sure they wear their life jacket in the canoes, no swimming after dark...blah. blah. blah.

My decision would be based on what I thought grandma's capabilities are and experience around water for all of them.

But, I'm a bit of a freak.
MuddyFootprints is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 12:03 PM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Thank you MuddyFootprints.

My training as a lifeguard/WSI only makes me more wary. My daughter is a good swimmer but not experienced. A strong swimmer is no match for the ocean anyway if the ocean is being itself.

In recent years, the last time I took my kids to this beach and subsequent googling (today,) bull sharks are common and being caught on shore by fishermen.


It's not only the water though. Who else will be RVing and two young girls lightly supervised....


I guess that I am answering my own question. I'm only a little pissed at myself for being too afraid. My daughter is smart and beyond kind. I hate to take something away from her.



Thank you for the responses, the trip would be in the first week of August and was told about the invitation yesterday.



Any input would be helpful as I am truly not sure what is the right thing to do but do have a few days to consider before a reply is necessary.
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 12:14 PM   #10
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Tri-State Area USA
Posts: 5,775
With lots of lectures about safety beforehand (including stranger danger, older boys at the partk, etc.), I'd let her go with the stipulation she calls you at least once a day to check in. Get a pre-paid phone card for her to use the campground office phone if you have to.

A campground actually sounds like the perfect place to start letting her spread her wings and experience a little independence.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 12:22 PM   #11
Established Member
 
Elswyth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 26,869
I agree with d0nnivan. Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".
__________________
~Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.~ -Spiritofnow-
Elswyth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 3:17 PM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 13,457
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".
And yet I'll gently remind, somehow we all grew up without any of these safeguards. No cell phones, bike helmets, toddler leashes or even seat belts for those of us old enough to remember. I think the spread of info online has made us all a little too paranoid about anticipating the worst possible outcome.

I'd establish a comfort level with Grandma though some of the ways suggested and then let her go. It sounds like a great trip for a 13-year old, I took a similar one with a friend and his Dad to Alaska when I was her age. We camped in the middle of nowhere, hiked glaciers and survived with only a few bug bites, memories I enjoy to this day. I'll bet she'd have a very similar experience...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
Happiness is not a goal; it is a byproduct -

Eleanor Roosevelt
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 4:18 PM   #13
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Tri-State Area USA
Posts: 5,775
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Lucky View Post
And yet I'll gently remind, somehow we all grew up without any of these safeguards. No cell phones, bike helmets, toddler leashes or even seat belts for those of us old enough to remember. I think the spread of info online has made us all a little too paranoid about anticipating the worst possible outcome.

I'd establish a comfort level with Grandma though some of the ways suggested and then let her go. It sounds like a great trip for a 13-year old, I took a similar one with a friend and his Dad to Alaska when I was her age. We camped in the middle of nowhere, hiked glaciers and survived with only a few bug bites, memories I enjoy to this day. I'll bet she'd have a very similar experience...

Mr. Lucky
It was a very normal thing for my sis and me to ride in the back of my dad's pickup, on the highway, on the way home from cheerleading practice, singing at the top of our lungs.....

Still alive . (We also camped all the time)
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 4:35 PM   #14
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elswyth View Post
I agree with d0nnivan. Tbh it's the "no cell phone reception" part that really scares me - if this had been a week with the grandma in a town with cell phone access where she could call you if she needed to, I might be more inclined to say yes. But without cellphone reception, if anything happens and she needs to contact you, she would be unable to. She would be trapped, with no one to rely on except herself. This is not a situation that I would consider "reasonably safe".

The possibility of not being able to contact home worries me as well. She would essentially be going off with the only adults as strangers.


I have to consider my responsibility as her protector.



Thank you Elswyth.
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th July 2018, 4:44 PM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 2,408
Thank you CO and Mr. Lucky, the points the two of you are making are the very reason that I am conflicted.


CO, she does have her own cell but would be without reception.


I realize that my own anxiety is the main denominator in my waffling. The struggle is to balance realistic concern with unrealistic fear. I was allowed to have independent experiences at my daughter's age...it is important to not suffocate her because of perhaps unfounded fear.


I do read the news and the internet as well as personal loss have made me far and away more protective than my parents ever were.


A family member has suggested that more than one night and not more than three should be considered. Of course with due diligence regarding conversations with the friend's parents and grandma (if possible.)

Last edited by Timshel; 8th July 2018 at 4:46 PM..
Timshel is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Possessive/Overprotective side and it's problems OverProtective Dating 5 17th August 2005 11:37 PM
Why am i so overprotective with a girl i never dated? SmilingMartin General Relationship Discussion 3 19th March 2005 9:53 AM
Overprotective Parents... nicolas465 Dating 3 10th April 2004 9:27 PM
My parents are too overprotective and I've had enough! rockstarmusician Family 6 5th February 2004 4:23 AM
overprotective boyfriend!!!!! help!!! AShLeY6984 General Relationship Discussion 2 29th November 2003 4:12 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 7:36 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.