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Would you be Single Parent


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Old 16th June 2018, 3:37 PM   #1
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Would you be a Single Parent

So my ex has wanted to be a mother. This is the reason, why we did not stay together. I just could not be pushed that fast to be a father after 5 months of dating.

Anyways. She got pregnant. I don't know if its the new guy she is seeing, or she was looking into Insemination. There is no info on the Father. If it was him, then she would say so and so and I are expecting. The new guy she just started seeing in Feb. I can't imagine he would be going along with having a kid with her. I think it was Insemination,as I last saw hr this past March as we are still friends.

I just wanted to ask you all. Men and Women. If you did not find the love or your life as yet and the clock was ticking. Would you go for being a single parent, without the other partner around/your not romantically involved with you at all.

To each their own. I am happy for her. I just don't understand the need to have a child with out the other parent around. Its one thing if your widowed, but to bring a child in with out the other person side by side.

I can see some women being like this. Not men. I wonder why that is. None of my single men friends want kids with out the woman by their side.

This post is not to burn my Ex. Its just to ask why bring a child into this world with out both parents being together if possible.

It has not hit me yet. For some reason. I have no desire to bring a child into this world, unless the woman and I are very gelled with each other as co-parents and our child will see and be raised with two parents that love each other and can work out problems between each other in a loving humours way.

Last edited by Mysterio; 16th June 2018 at 4:25 PM..
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Old 16th June 2018, 4:30 PM   #2
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Yes. I have a cousin who became a single parent via artificial insemination; her son is now 11 years old and they have done well. I also know a few single women who became mothers via the foster care system/adoption.

It may not be ideal- all the women I know mentioned above would have preferred to have had a partner. But none of them met the right guy (two of the foster care moms I know were married but got divorced) and didn't want their dream of motherhood to be lost.

If my husband and I hadn't gotten together, I would have tried to be a single mom. At one point while we were dating, I thought my husband had changed his mind and didn't want kids anymore. I was heartbroken because I knew that would be the end of us. Luckily, I was mistaken, and we are happy parents today.
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Old 16th June 2018, 5:09 PM   #3
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Here is my thing. Why does it seem to me that Single Parents between the Men and Women. No Man would ever contemplate that.

If my ex was really wanting to be a mother. After me. How hard is it to find a man that wants to have a child with her. Or any woman. Those men are out there.

For me. I have to have things done in a methodical way. So that means if a woman really wants to have a child with me and parent them. She has to be very loving/giving and physically affectionate to make that happen and it going to be at least a 3 yr road possibly 4.

Year One-Date and become BF/GF/ Yr 2 get into reality. Yr3- Live together/Engaged/Married. Yr 4 have a child if so desired. My Ex is 41.

Bottom line. Why are men not wanting to have kids out of wedlock on purpose. Yet Women have no problem with that.

For me. Once again. I do not want to have a child out of wedlock. If I bring a child into this world. Its within a loving relationship. If I am a single parent. Its because the woman passed away. No Divorce or anything like that. At least on my end.

I also don't have that desire to have a child if she is of the same mind set as I. If she wants to have a child with me. Its 4 yrs from when we meet or 3 at the quickest. I can't see myself meeting a woman and then a Yr later having a child with her. Not unless we are engaged to be married. Or she is someone I am so charmed by.

I have yet to meet such a woman like that. There will be no oops pregnancy. Will full intent pregnancy only.
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Old 16th June 2018, 6:21 PM   #4
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Yeah, back before I got married I was looking into that. It was part of the reason I traveled to the FSU. Adoption here in the US for single males is 'fuggetaboutit'.

Though married, I watched my cousin father his two kids from infants taking them to jobs with him (his wife worked for .gov) while he ran his landscape crews (he ran a landscape company that landscaped much of what now is Silicon Valley). There were always pictures of him and his kids on job sites either being carried like a papoose or walking with him. That inspired me.

I've never been much of a statistic on anything so have no idea on the men/women/kids thing. I didn't really care what society did, only that they and the legal community were in my way. The enemy.
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Old 16th June 2018, 8:35 PM   #5
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I think it would be extremely rare for a single male to do this because, let's face it, women do most of the work when it comes to rearing babies! (Gay couples are the exception)

However, I have several friends who have become single moms by choice in their forties . A couple of them chose international adoption, and I know three who did AI and gave birth (one gave birth twice ). They are ALL absolutely amazing mothers. They were, first and foremost, confident and career driven/successful to begin with (so they have the financial ability to support their kids), AND have great family support. I love their little families . (Well, maybe not one of them because she's an extreme liberal/feminist who I think is 100% determined that her toddler son will be gay just so SHE can prove a point, but that's a whole 'nother issue ).
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Old 16th June 2018, 9:10 PM   #6
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However, I have several friends who have become single moms by choice in their forties . A couple of them chose international adoption, and I know three who did AI and gave birth (one gave birth twice ). They are ALL absolutely amazing mothers.
My experience also with friends. And it makes sense that those who want to be parents and go to extraordinary lengths would be more involved than accidental moms and dads...

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Old 16th June 2018, 9:15 PM   #7
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Its selfish, IMO...

There are just vital life lessons and experiences kids get from both parents...No man could be a perfect mom and no woman could replace a father...Even if the parents don't get along, its still best that there are both influencing a child's life..

At least if you are going to do it, adopting an underprivileged kid would be a better option than going to a sperm bank for some "designer" sperm..like some of these people do.......

As for the OP..you did the right thing by not having a kid with this woman....My only advice now is stop worrying about what she does and worry about what you want and need...

To answer your question the only way id be a single parent is if she died...If I am honest though id probably be looking for a "replacement" mom in that scenario...

TFY
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Old 17th June 2018, 2:44 AM   #8
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I am not worried about it. I got out of it I know that we were not compatable Long term. I just believe that I will live a long life 87 to 97 and I will meet a great girl and win in the end. I believe in myself. Its a great relationship with a woman first thats basically gelled. Before creating a life together.
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Old 17th June 2018, 8:41 AM   #9
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I was 20 when I got pregnant with my daughter and I decided to parent even though I was fully aware that I was going to be a single parent.

I know it's not technically the same since the pregnancy was accidental, I am pro-choice and I considered abortion, but decided against it. So I do consider parenthood, and single parenthood as well, to be a choice of mine.

Some people would say I'm crazy to choose to be a single mom at that age, but I don't regret it one single bit. I wouldn't be a good wife, it's just not for me. But I am an excellent mother and we have a very happy and stable family, just the two of us and our extended family.

People are different - some want that love story and to find the perfect person and that's their primary goal and some want parenthood and finding someone is simply their stop on the way to parenthood.

I love being a single parent and have no plans to get married ever.
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Old 17th June 2018, 11:20 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
Here is my thing. Why does it seem to me that Single Parents between the Men and Women. No Man would ever contemplate that.

If my ex was really wanting to be a mother. After me. How hard is it to find a man that wants to have a child with her. Or any woman. Those men are out there.

For me. I have to have things done in a methodical way. So that means if a woman really wants to have a child with me and parent them. She has to be very loving/giving and physically affectionate to make that happen and it going to be at least a 3 yr road possibly 4.

Year One-Date and become BF/GF/ Yr 2 get into reality. Yr3- Live together/Engaged/Married. Yr 4 have a child if so desired. My Ex is 41.

Bottom line. Why are men not wanting to have kids out of wedlock on purpose. Yet Women have no problem with that.

For me. Once again. I do not want to have a child out of wedlock. If I bring a child into this world. Its within a loving relationship. If I am a single parent. Its because the woman passed away. No Divorce or anything like that. At least on my end.

I also don't have that desire to have a child if she is of the same mind set as I. If she wants to have a child with me. Its 4 yrs from when we meet or 3 at the quickest. I can't see myself meeting a woman and then a Yr later having a child with her. Not unless we are engaged to be married. Or she is someone I am so charmed by.

I have yet to meet such a woman like that. There will be no oops pregnancy. Will full intent pregnancy only.
I think there are single men who have adopted older kids from the foster care system. However I agree that it's mostly women who get that strong pull to have a baby. Men might want to become a parent too but they are more pragmatic about it. They want to x amount of dollars saved first, own a house, have the job of their dreams, etc. LOL...if everyone took that approach most of us wouldn't even exist.

For women, I think it's biology. Having a baby to nurture seems to be an innate desire for lots of women (not all) and on top of that, there is an ideal window of time to get pregnant and to have a healthy baby. After 35 fertility drops and chances of birth defects rise. Lot and lots of women have perfectly healthy babies in their late thirties and into their forties but most don't want to take the risk that they wont' ever have a baby because they waited too long.
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Old 17th June 2018, 11:28 AM   #11
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Its selfish, IMO...

There are just vital life lessons and experiences kids get from both parents...No man could be a perfect mom and no woman could replace a father...Even if the parents don't get along, its still best that there are both influencing a child's life..

At least if you are going to do it, adopting an underprivileged kid would be a better option than going to a sperm bank for some "designer" sperm..like some of these people do.......

As for the OP..you did the right thing by not having a kid with this woman....My only advice now is stop worrying about what she does and worry about what you want and need...

To answer your question the only way id be a single parent is if she died...If I am honest though id probably be looking for a "replacement" mom in that scenario...

TFY
Well most people have babies for selfish reasons, married or not. I do agree that it's best for kids to have a mother and a father but plenty of kids who have both parents at home are still not living ideal lives. Just being married doesn't mean that people will be good parents.

A woman choosing to have a baby by insemination may have already considered that their baby will need someone to be a father figure and have somebody who has agreed to be that person. Maybe the mom has a brother or lifelong male friend who has agreed to take a fatherly role to the child.

In an ideal world every baby would be born to a loving, emotionally and financially healthy mom and dad who are happily married to each other throughout the babies entire childhood. But the world is not ideal.
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Old 17th June 2018, 4:17 PM   #12
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I think that if a woman has not found a partner to have a kid with. If she wants to have insemination and be a single parent fine.

Men would just mentor a boy or join Big Brothers. They would not go out and have a kid on their own. None of my male friends that are single would never adopt a child. Some of my single female friends. One in particular to me feels like she only wants to have a BF so she can have a child with.

As I keep saying for me. Only way I have a child is being married. So that is at least yr 3 being with the woman and having a lot of time in with each other.
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Old 17th June 2018, 8:24 PM   #13
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Well most people have babies for selfish reasons, married or not. I do agree that it's best for kids to have a mother and a father but plenty of kids who have both parents at home are still not living ideal lives. Just being married doesn't mean that people will be good parents.

A woman choosing to have a baby by insemination may have already considered that their baby will need someone to be a father figure and have somebody who has agreed to be that person. Maybe the mom has a brother or lifelong male friend who has agreed to take a fatherly role to the child.

In an ideal world every baby would be born to a loving, emotionally and financially healthy mom and dad who are happily married to each other throughout the babies entire childhood. But the world is not ideal.
I get your point...

But having said that, kids that are brought into the world with proper m/f parents are at least, in most cases, going in with ideal intentions...Sure, as you say, shyt falls apart, and that;s just life...Then we all try to do the best we can and give the kids as normal as a life as we can...

I guess I take some issue with some of these almost menopausal women that now think that they can do this and have an arrogant anti male/father figure attitude about it...Do what you want, its a free country, but I just don't think its an ideal situation for the kid(s)...IMO,. its not..

TFY
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Old 18th June 2018, 1:38 PM   #14
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I think that if a woman has not found a partner to have a kid with. If she wants to have insemination and be a single parent fine.

Men would just mentor a boy or join Big Brothers. They would not go out and have a kid on their own. None of my male friends that are single would never adopt a child. Some of my single female friends. One in particular to me feels like she only wants to have a BF so she can have a child with.

As I keep saying for me. Only way I have a child is being married. So that is at least yr 3 being with the woman and having a lot of time in with each other.
Well...that's you. People are different.

I also want to point out that a marriage is not a guarantee for anything. Marriages fail all the time.
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Old 18th June 2018, 1:55 PM   #15
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Children, for all intents are forever, spouses are not, historically speaking. If a person is thinking strictly in terms of having a forever bond, we typically get that from our children.

Good luck with the notion that you’ll find a spouse that you can raise a child with long term. It does happen, of course, but you’ve got about a 50/50 chance. Most people don’t walk into a marriage thinking they’ll have kids and divorce. Or, as in my own case, as opposed as I was to divorcing when kids are involved, I didn’t anticipate having a spouse who would make me want to shoot my brains out. I was never that big on having kids, either, but he was. There are actually a lot of men out there who want a family and it’s a dealbreaker if the woman doesn’t want that.

If your ex was that hung up on having kids, she would be inclined to do that in any way she could. Being a single parent is a very tough job but she’s driven enough to get past that hurdle.
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