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Old 21st March 2018, 5:11 PM   #1
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Sleeping arrangements

My boyfriend has a 7 yr old daughter and 10 year old son. They sleep in same bed together. The little girl cant sleep alone. She was sleeping with daddy before I came along a little while ago. Who knows I think when Im not tgere she is sleeping with daddy. When the kids are with their mother all 3 sleep in same bed. Is it just me or is this messed up? I might have mentioned to my bf that he needs to address this issue before his son gets too much older. Like its just so weird
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:17 PM   #2
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Well, it is at least a bad idea anyway. Both kids could end up with serious problems later in life,...especially if it ends in incest or abuse.

The fact that you boyfriend can't see that is also a big problem to me,...where in the heck is his head and his common sense at?
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:17 PM   #3
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My boyfriend has a 7 yr old daughter and 10 year old son. They sleep in same bed together. The little girl cant sleep alone. She was sleeping with daddy before I came along a little while ago. Who knows I think when Im not tgere she is sleeping with daddy. When the kids are with their mother all 3 sleep in same bed. Is it just me or is this messed up? I might have mentioned to my bf that he needs to address this issue before his son gets too much older. Like its just so weird
The kids will grow out of it in their own good time.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:21 PM   #4
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The kids will grow out of it in their own good time.

I hope so. But we arent talking about toddlers here. Ive never seen this before
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:23 PM   #5
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I hope so. But we arent talking about toddlers here. Ive never seen this before
My niece slept with her mother till her early teens. She grew out of it.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:25 PM   #6
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Well, it is at least a bad idea anyway. Both kids could end up with serious problems later in life,...especially if it ends in incest or abuse.

The fact that you boyfriend can't see that is also a big problem to me,...where in the heck is his head and his common sense at?
Good question. But apparently its not my place to offer advice on parenting. Its a new relationship.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:28 PM   #7
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My niece slept with her mother till her early teens. She grew out of it.

I can see sleeping with mommy but not sleeping with older brother or daddy in your early teens. This is a one week on one week off custody arrangement.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:30 PM   #8
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I agree you’re not in the position to give unsolicited parenting advice, considering you’ve been together for such a short time. You just observe and break up if there are dealbreakers.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:40 PM   #9
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I let both of my kids sleep with me as long as they wanted to after our divorce. One girl, one girl. Both of them outgrew the desire to do so before they turned 13.

I have a king sized bed.

I don't regret it at all.

I frequently babysit for a friend's children, they are 8yo girl, 5yo boy (plus 4 other other siblings). They usually want to sleep together and it's a non issue. The 5 year old likes the security of his big sister.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:53 PM   #10
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You have a lot of opinions about how this man should parent his children. As has been said before, it has been two months... not long enough for you to have any say in the parenting of his children. If you don't like it, vote with your feet.

And, would I be correct in assuming that you are staying over when he has the children? I will tell you that my boyfriend has a child... We have been together for two years now and I have stayed over when his son was present once. In my very humble opinion, two months is way too early to be staying over when his children are home - particularly because you have so many concerns and your relationship is not firmly established.
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Old 21st March 2018, 5:54 PM   #11
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You have a lot of opinions about how this man should parent his children. As has been said before, it has been two months... not long enough for you to have any say in the parenting of his children. If you don't like it, vote with your feet.

And, would I be correct in assuming that you are staying over when he has the children? I will tell you that my boyfriend has a child... We have been together for two years now and I have stayed over when his son was present once. In my very humble opinion, two months is way too early to be staying over when his children are home - particularly because you have so many concerns and your relationship is not firmly established.
Yeah, I agree. I've dated since my divorce and never once had a man stay over if the kids were here. I've dated someone with kids and stayed at his house maybe twice when his kids were there, and I slept on the couch.
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Old 21st March 2018, 6:27 PM   #12
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You have a lot of opinions about how this man should parent his children. As has been said before, it has been two months... not long enough for you to have any say in the parenting of his children. If you don't like it, vote with your feet.

And, would I be correct in assuming that you are staying over when he has the children? I will tell you that my boyfriend has a child... We have been together for two years now and I have stayed over when his son was present once. In my very humble opinion, two months is way too early to be staying over when his children are home - particularly because you have so many concerns and your relationship is not firmly established.
Agreed. I mentioned this already, but my boyfriend of over two years has never spent the night when my daughter is also home. He only stays over when she's at her dad's which is every other weekend. Two months in is waay too early and I would say more confusing and harmful to the children then sharing a bed.

I do not see a problem with sharing a bed with her big brother if she's afraid to sleep alone. Why do we have to see sinister things in everything?
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Old 21st March 2018, 6:38 PM   #13
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You have a lot of opinions about how this man should parent his children. As has been said before, it has been two months... not long enough for you to have any say in the parenting of his children. If you don't like it, vote with your feet.

And, would I be correct in assuming that you are staying over when he has the children? I will tell you that my boyfriend has a child... We have been together for two years now and I have stayed over when his son was present once. In my very humble opinion, two months is way too early to be staying over when his children are home - particularly because you have so many concerns and your relationship is not firmly established.

This is good advice. I havent slept over alot when he has the kids. I can scale that back
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Old 21st March 2018, 7:49 PM   #14
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Definitely not healthy. I have 10 year old boy/girl twins and they still share the same room because I don't have a choice right now, but this should change in the coming months. They've always been in the same room their entire lives (never shared beds though). I am just starting to notice things that are not emotionally healthy as they are entering puberty. His 10 year old son should definitely not be sharing a bed with his sister! He's got to think of another plan soon, within the year for sure I would think.

I know some families are into "bed sharing/co-sleeping" and that is fine, that is a whole other thing where the entire family is involved and not just a brother/sister which is more 'intimate'. I'm sure you'll get differing opinions here, but from what I see and in my experience I don't think it's a good thing at this age.

Last edited by vanhalenfan; 21st March 2018 at 7:52 PM..
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Old 22nd March 2018, 11:36 AM   #15
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I really just think you should stop dating the guy. You've only been seeing him for a couple of months and you hold a lot of judgements towards him and his kids. I'm not saying your judgements are wrong or right, I'm saying the fact that you feel such judgement indicates that this is not a good match for you. He is not going to change himself or his kids for the sake of your happiness. What you see is what you get and you obviously don't like what you see so why are you continuing in this doomed relationship?

As for his kids sharing a bed I don't really see a problem. When I was a kid my mom was a flake who often sent me away to live with other people. My favorite people to live with were my grandma and my uncle. My uncle was only 3 yrs older than me and to me he was my brother. My grandma didn't have an extra room for me so my uncle and I shared his room. We had our own beds but until I was about 8 or 9 I would often get into bed with him. With my life being so chaotic because of my immature and irresponsible mother, my uncle was my security. He was my safety and my best friend. The last time I lived with him was when I was around 11 and he was 14. We still had to share a room but by then I had naturally become more independent and no longer had any need to climb into his bed. But when I was little and he was my one beacon of love and security I'm glad nobody turned my innocent need to feel safe into something dirty.
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