Community Forums

Reload this Page Community Forums > Familial > Parenting

Should we tell our teens about the affair?

Parenting Discuss tips, concerns, and all the mayhem involved in raising kids.

Like Tree40Likes
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th March 2018, 9:11 AM   #16
Established Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 11,040
Originally Posted by Devistated. View Post
In his attempt to make things better, he wants to tell our two older sons that he had an affair and wants to have an open discussion about it.
Seems an attempt to offload some of his guilt while he continues to control the situation. Devistated, in this case - and others, do what feels best for you...

Mr. Lucky
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th March 2018, 12:50 PM   #17
Established Member
jnel921's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NY
Posts: 867
As someone whos has been through this twice and has past the 5 year mark of reconciliation with my current H I would advise you not to. I have posted my experience here over the years and didn't speak to my kids about this up until last year but this is only because my D found old text messages where I spoke about the subject.

Affairs are very personal and adult as one poster noted. Kids have no business knowing the details or figuring out why things happened and its not fair to them to pick sides.

The children are innocent victims. If you and your H decide to D the best thing you can do for your kids is to show them you have some kind of love and R for their father. He should do the same.

Venting and sharing with your kids on both sides is the worst thing you both can do. If your H wants to talk I suggest you do M counseling. This is what we did and made a world of difference. Speaking to an impartial and objective person is the best way to go.

If you both are committed to fixing your relationship then do so without involving your kids. It is hard road you are facing. But with love easily to get through. It does get easier if your H is truly remorseful and if you are open to forgiveness and rebuilding your M.

Kids have their own set of issues that you both need to be clear minded and focused on. Don't dump this on them.

Good Luck to you.
When life gives you lemons...make lemonade.

Last edited by jnel921; 10th March 2018 at 12:52 PM..
jnel921 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th March 2018, 9:24 PM   #18
Established Member
major_merrick's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,093
Your kids are not your equals. You do not "owe" them explanations, and you shouldn't burden them with things that they do not need to know. Your job is to provide for them physically and emotionally...which includes even creating some sort of artificial stability so that they come out normal, productive, and well-adjusted. I would even invent some sort of cover story to explain away the current stress and lower the tension they are feeling. As others have said, I would suggest counseling if you intend to keep going with the marriage. If you intend to divorce, I still wouldn't tell them until much later on.
Die Liebe ist ein wildes Tier....Sie atmet dich sie sucht nach dir....Nistet auf gebrochenen Herzen....Geht auf Jagd bei Kuss und Kerzen
major_merrick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14th March 2018, 1:48 AM   #19
Established Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 57,795
Don't. If they find out on their own then discuss it and allow them to ask questions etc, but right now, don't tell them. Yes you're a family unit but your H is married to you, not to your kids. You two are the parents and your H telling them will shatter their view of him.

They don't need to be burdened with this.
whichwayisup is offline   Reply With Quote


Thread Tools
Display Modes


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Those sites that teens use outofdarkness Parenting 12 30th April 2007 1:52 AM
Teens and Sex togethertoolong Parenting 8 31st January 2007 10:31 PM
Parents of pre-teens.. Touche Parenting 74 20th November 2006 12:06 AM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:45 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.

Copyright © 1997-2018 All Rights Reserved.