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Just realized I'm in the parenting home stretch and still haven't screwed it up


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Old 18th February 2018, 6:51 PM   #1
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Just realized I'm in the parenting home stretch and still haven't screwed it up

My firstborn turns 17 this week. And I just realized that she's nearly an adult.....I'm in the home stretch.....and there are still ZERO signs of us (her parents who couldn't keep their marriage together) effing it up. Kudos to us!

She won't be going to a top-tier school, not even close since she scored in the 1% in math on her PSATs (she has dyscalculia)....and doesn't want to leave home for college. She'll probably be going to community college and her chosen career (horse farm ownership) will not make her wealthy in the slightest. But she's happy, kind, and oh so respectful of her elders. She's a hard, hard worker and has never used drugs or alcohol that I know of. And I HOPE she's heeding all my lectures about safety with her romantic relationship with her boyfriend!

She was only about 8 when her life started to turn upside down with regard to her parents' marriage and all of the changes, all of the MANY moves it would mean for her and her brother. She has ADD and an anxiety disorder. Yet, she plowed through and came out so, so strong because of all of it and in spite of her sucky parents who couldn't make their relationship work. She has one more year of high school after this, but I am relieved to see the peaceful light at the end of the tunnel. Truly feeling blessed.

Not all kids from broken homes come out broken. And not all divorced parents have to fear their kids are going to turn out awful. Now I know <3.
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Old 18th February 2018, 8:26 PM   #2
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Well done to you. Young people have always copped much criticism, so it's delightful to hear someone acknowledging great kids.

I think your daughter's work choices sound perfect for her. Success isn't about how much money you make, but in how happy you are.
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Old 18th February 2018, 8:54 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
Young people have always copped much criticism, so it's delightful to hear someone acknowledging great kids.
YES! And that's my point, especially as the parent of children from a "broken home." There's SO much negativity and dread around rearing teens, and it's just not (all) true. Teenagers can be pretty fantastic to be around .
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Old 18th February 2018, 9:13 PM   #4
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Great to hear CO

I remember when I was a kid and my parents fought a lot, I was terrified of separation. Luckily, that never happened because that would have surely put me in depression. It doesnít matter how she performed on a test; she sounds like a mature person who knows what career she wants which is uncommon even for a lot of adults. Thatís a testament to her parents. Good job!
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Old 19th February 2018, 1:42 PM   #5
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Kudos to you indeed! I was so scared for my daughter when my ex left. She was only 5. She is now 12 and still a great kid! He and I are able to co-parent nicely. She knows we both love her no matter what and that's what matters when you are raising kids. Obviously you are very proud of your daughter, as you should be! Sounds like she is making great choices. Best wishes to you all!
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Old 23rd February 2018, 7:33 PM   #6
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Well done. Horse farm ownership is all I could think of that I wanted to do when I was college age too, but what kept me from it is 1) No money and 2) the thought of being married to a real conservative cowboy, which is how they were in those days. He's have lined me up and shot me for breaching the fence, pretty sure. So was glad when record stores came along.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 8:11 PM   #7
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i am on the home stretch all my kids made it to adulthood,they are alive..all five of them....... in spite of being broken and coming from a broken home where i never married the fathers...was engaged twice .....

.........i have taught them to be kind and to help others they have good hearts and they do help people even more broken than they are.....they bring them home.....they befriend the broken...they would give their last dollar to someone who needed it ...they are loyal have a keen sense of justice and accept full responsibility for their issues...they understand consequences happen....because they face them head on like a car crash they help their friends face consequences by going to court with them for support..........even though i feel...i effed it up a lot........because unfortunately they did to turn to alcohol and drugs....they all finished school even though they were nearly all bullied.....they are forgiving souls .....and quite a few times befriended people who bullied them

my kids.....have major problems......and it basically all started when our home became a broken one....i am often disappointed by my kids...because i only want the best for them.....and i want them to survive their issues....to be survivors....like me...

im really glad to read that your broken home didnt break your child when so many times it does break children.......

with me.....i may not be able to say im proud of some of my kids life choices ...what i can say ...is that i love them .....even when it hurts to love them...and ill keep loving them .....bad or good life choices..ill never base my love on my expectations for them...ill never abandon my post as mum...im in it for life....\


.i have minimal expectations....I just want them to be happy and safe drug and alcohol free and find their purpose in life....whatever that purpose may be............and more importantly for them to feel my love wherever they are and to be loved by others...which they are very much so ....loved by others for who they are...and very much loved by me.........

......and then i feel if they can feel my love at the bottom of some dark hole they have dug themselves into and can reach out to me for me to help them and be there for them.... and not reach out for someone else....then i have done my job as mum..i am a good mum..maybe i am the lowest of the good mums.....i am a nurturer not a disciplinarian..i actually really suck at discipline....i just cant maintain ....because i feel horrible and i have to hug them....it is my biggest failure....and i really try to discipline even though it depresses me to do it...


but i have to pray and hope my love for my kids in spite of them having major issues........over rides any mistakes i have made or anything i should have done but havent........and i have made quite a few.....one really good thing i have done.....is always listen....and that is why i do know.....when my kids are struggling......and also their broken friends....i know about them struggling too


i am glad you posted this cautiouslyoptimistic.....its a very hopeful post for me.....one day maybe.......i might write the same like you and feel as confident that broken homes doesnt have to mean broken kids.......xo...deb.........
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Last edited by todreaminblue; 23rd February 2018 at 8:27 PM..
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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:30 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic View Post
Not all kids from broken homes come out broken. And not all divorced parents have to fear their kids are going to turn out awful. Now I know <3.
True that, my oldest who was 3 when his Mom and I divorced is the most grounded of my 4 offspring. And he checked all the divorce boxes - 50/50 split custody, new stepbrothers and sister, parents didn't speak, etc. He's a fine man with a great career and, even more important, an excellent Dad himself.

And yet my daughter, given every advantage, has wasted her 20's on a 10-year battle with addiction. Almost impossible to predict how they'll turn out...

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