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I donít think I love my daughter


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Old 23rd February 2018, 4:25 AM   #61
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Cool Frank you're very young, and correspondingly immature to take this on. Not everyone is at your age... but it does appear that you are developmentally. (Which is kinda understandable before 25 with a prefrontal cortex that's not fully developed and without a stable relationship/ context to support its growth.)

Where are your parents in this? If they're in your life I'd say consult and spend time with them with your daughter. I'm not saying dump her on mom and dad and do a runner, but rather share the burden and experience the joy of grandparents in their grandchild. And your siblings if you have them. Aunts and or uncles can be doting blessings.

If you don't like her mother... fine. If you can't make a functional nuclear family... fine. Make her a safe space otherwise. Maybe through the love of those you love (and love you) you can make your daughter a 'family' that eventually you'll be a caring part of for her too.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:49 AM   #62
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It's not the same thing but I don't like my 7 year-old cousin either. Her mom is a total bitch, she's delusional and she loves drama, also hooked my uncle for the sole purpose of having a baby and have her way with everything. Insulted my parents and grandparents numereous times. My uncle has a liver disease and he even got a liver transplant in the past and he's constantly sick. Even knowing this she makes him do chores, making him carry heavy stuff, drive for long hours, and she won't cook or clean. I hate her and even though I know it's wrong I can't stop myself feeling the similar emotions to her daughter. She resembles her mom so much. Every time when I look at my cousin, I remember her mother and how I hate her.

What's that got to do with you? Maybe your emotions for your daughter's mother are channeled at your daughter. After everything, you just wanted to get laid and she had to put you in this mess. I only read your first post but it's possible that you may be resenting her.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 2:52 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by anika99 View Post
Agree with most other posters.

You're a young guy and you need some free weekends to yourself.
Wow, I just don't understand how everyone is bending over backwards to support the OP here. I can refer you guys to my thread earlier when I was upset my boyfriend had cancelled a dinner on me, and everyone was jumping down my throat that "KIDS ALWAYS COME FIRST". Well, I havent heard one person here say his daughter should come first. Everyone is just being weirdly "understanding"....... Who are you people? Lol.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 3:25 PM   #64
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Kids should always come first 100 percent of the time. for whatever reason, this poor child needs a parent on weekends and someone has to parent this kid on weekends. Parenting isn't always fun either. This weekend my son is grounded from electronics. Do you think that's going to be easy for me as a parent to have her son nagging at her and begging her all weekend for a video game. It's hard but what's best for him and I prepared myself to keep his attention on other things so neither of us get stressed out. I love my son and grounding is hard at this age. They are stubburn, and I know this entire weekend will not be easy but that's life. Kids come first and it means in most cases, you come second. Depending on how many children you have. There are times you can do things for yourself but after they are taken care of.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 5:05 PM   #65
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Originally Posted by SolG View Post
Cool Frank you're very young, and correspondingly immature to take this on. Not everyone is at your age... but it does appear that you are developmentally. (Which is kinda understandable before 25 with a prefrontal cortex that's not fully developed and without a stable relationship/ context to support its growth.)

Where are your parents in this? If they're in your life I'd say consult and spend time with them with your daughter. I'm not saying dump her on mom and dad and do a runner, but rather share the burden and experience the joy of grandparents in their grandchild. And your siblings if you have them. Aunts and or uncles can be doting blessings.

If you don't like her mother... fine. If you can't make a functional nuclear family... fine. Make her a safe space otherwise. Maybe through the love of those you love (and love you) you can make your daughter a 'family' that eventually you'll be a caring part of for her too.
My mother was killed in an accident with a drunk driver when I was 12 and my father was killed in a robbery when I was about 8 he was a bad person. My brother lives out of state, and Iíd follow him if I had the money. So, no real familia support.
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Old 23rd February 2018, 7:30 PM   #66
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Really sorry about you losing your parents. You didn't have much chance to get parental modeling from them.

You know, I sympathize because you didn't want kids, but if you're going to have sex, you do always have to take all precautions and then still be aware that an accident can happen or that someone may have been planning for it to happen, and the sad truth is, just the same as I'd tell a teen mother who made this mistake, it's done now, and you have this responsibility. You may be able to cut back on some of the visitation through the court system, but I don't blame the mother for wanting some time off from her and wanting you to take responsibility either, and I don't really care why.

It's not easy and this age is horrendous, but you owe this child to at least give it your very best shot at making her feel loved and guiding her into maturity. And I have high hopes that you will form that bond once you get the resentment out of your system and just accept that this is how things are now.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 7:44 PM   #67
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Iím sorry, I thought I responded when you first asked this. Yes, paternity was established.
Interesting in that I have an employee I was helping with some personal leave paperwork. And while I didn't ask him what it was for (not allowed), he volunteered he was traveling to another city to try and reestablish a relationship with a now-adult son he walked away from when the child was your daughter's age. Said it was something he had to do.

I wonder what advice 44-year old Cool frank would give you ???

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