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I don’t think I love my daughter


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Old 16th February 2018, 10:29 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
It’s not subconscious if you know all about it and can articulate it. That makes it a choice. A choice which reveals a lot about you and your character. Especially since you avoid the question of how you were treated as a child which leads me to believe that your childhood was perfectly normal. For you to do this to your daughter when it isn’t a subconscious repetition of learned behavior, but is an active choice, just makes you sound amoral and dead inside.

People have told you in this thread that you need to grow up…playing the victim that she didn’t get an abortion and therefore ruined your life is what they’re referring to. Do you know how many people walking around are the result of an unintended pregnancy? 40% of births are from unintended pregnancies according to the CDC. Why are you having a 4 year long pity party about sex resulting in a baby while very other decent person takes responsibility for their actions?

Did you ever discuss an unintended pregnancy or abortion before having sex with her? Somehow I doubt it. So, it seems pretty clear that you “ruined” your own life.

Did you actually use a condom or did you think that she would stay with you if you got her pregnant? You might as well tell the truth…did you think that you could turn a fling into a longterm relationship by getting her pregnant? I’m willing to bet that’s what happened and that’s why you’re so pissed about having to take care of your daughter, your plan didn't work.

BTW, you’re not punishing her mom, you’re punishing your daughter. It’s not your daughter’s fault that her mom doesn‘t want to be with you. And to be honest, if she’s a normal, emotionally-healthy woman, the worse you treat your daughter, the less she would ever consider a relationship with you.

She doesn’t want to be with you and now you’re going on a 4 year long pout about it. Get over yourself, people break up every day, a break-up is not a reason to treat your child poorly.



Perfect. Is this who you want to be? Come on, OP, it's time step up and do what you know is right. Stop punishing your daughter for your decisions.
Actually, her getting pregnant is what she’s done to ruin my life, thanks for assuming it was. It’s the fact she sabotaged a relationship I had with a girl I really liked, made up all these stories that aren’t true. Tells other girls intimate details about my life that I really don’t like to share, and then constantly texts me for sex. She is always manipulating me and making me feel worse about myself than I already do. And for the record I had a really bad childhood that I hate talking about.

Yes, I did use a condom. I repeatedly asked if she was on birth control, and she said yes. In my eyes, that was probably another form of manipulation because she knew how much I liked her at the time. She was the girl I had the biggest crush on and for whatever reason we just never got together until then.
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Old 16th February 2018, 10:34 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
This is also what I get from your posts - you're making your daughter pay for what your ex did to you. This is a little immature but you can learn to be a good co-parent to your daughter as opposed to using her as your ticket to get back with her mother - which is why you are accommodating her all w/e, I think.

Don't use your kid as a pawn. Your ex made it clear she doesn't want you back, and it's also very clear you can be a good father to your little one. Detach yourself emotionally from your ex; I know it's difficult but it can be done.

It's not your little one's fault.
She’s not my ex. She’s someone who used me for sex and personal gain. Taking that little girl all weekend is not to get her back, but to keep my daughter safe from her intoxicated driving from her weekend binges.
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Old 16th February 2018, 10:39 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
Yes, I did use a condom. I repeatedly asked if she was on birth control, and she said yes. In my eyes, that was probably another form of manipulation because she knew how much I liked her at the time.
Have you gotten a paternity test?

Honestly, this woman sounds awful and an unfit mother based on the things you've said about her.
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Old 16th February 2018, 10:41 AM   #49
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
She’s not my ex. She’s someone who used me for sex and personal gain. Taking that little girl all weekend is not to get her back, but to keep my daughter safe from her intoxicated driving from her weekend binges.
Has she ever had CPS called on her?
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Old 16th February 2018, 10:57 AM   #50
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Have you gotten a paternity test?

Honestly, this woman sounds awful and an unfit mother based on the things you've said about her.
I’m sorry, I thought I responded when you first asked this. Yes, paternity was established.
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Old 16th February 2018, 11:49 AM   #51
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She’s not my ex. She’s someone who used me for sex and personal gain. Taking that little girl all weekend is not to get her back, but to keep my daughter safe from her intoxicated driving from her weekend binges.
Yes, I get that. You also said you tried to make her your gf and she said no in a previous post, so either you are a very selfless father or you're letting your emotions for your ex (love, hate, frustration, anger all at the same time) run away with you.

You can still be a good father and keep your distance from your ex. If you're concetned about your child's satefy, ask for full custody.
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Old 16th February 2018, 3:01 PM   #52
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Actually, her getting pregnant is what she’s done to ruin my life, thanks for assuming it was. It’s the fact she sabotaged a relationship I had with a girl I really liked, made up all these stories that aren’t true. Tells other girls intimate details about my life that I really don’t like to share, and then constantly texts me for sex. She is always manipulating me and making me feel worse about myself than I already do. And for the record I had a really bad childhood that I hate talking about.

Yes, I did use a condom. I repeatedly asked if she was on birth control, and she said yes. In my eyes, that was probably another form of manipulation because she knew how much I liked her at the time. She was the girl I had the biggest crush on and for whatever reason we just never got together until then.
Sorry dude, it’s hard to be sympathetic and nice to someone who admits to not loving their own child. If you hate the mom so much, why don’t you treat the mom that way?

And I still don’t feel that you’re justified in your actions even with the new details that you’ve provided. The fact is, it doesn’t matter what your ex has done to you, that is not a reason to take it out on your child.

Stop being a victim, take control of the situation. If you were mistreated as a child, get into therapy so that you don’t continue the cycle. If your ex is spreading your business to your new love interests, block her on all social media so that she can’t see who your new friends are and who your new love interests might be. Texts you for sex? It’s time to utilize your self control and stop having sex with someone you claim to hate.

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I repeatedly asked if she was on birth control, and she said yes. In my eyes, that was probably another form of manipulation.
You swear up and down that you used a condom consistently. The same way it’s possible for pregnancy to occur with condom use, is the same way pregnancy can occur while on birth control. Unless she told you that she lied about BC, you don’t know that she wasn’t on birth control. So, sorry to be harsh, but stop playing the victim. The pregnancy happened, the only way to 100% prevent it was to not have sex. But you did. You made the choice to have with sex with her, so you have to live with the consequences of the choice you made.

You had a huge crush on a girl, had a fling, and found out that she isn’t the nicest person ever. That’s not a reason to treat your child poorly.

I understand that it's easier said than done, but you talk like you have no control over any of your actions. You do, and it's not right to treat your child poorly because of your decisions. Treat your child like gold and your ex like crap...problem solved.

Last edited by Yosemite; 16th February 2018 at 3:03 PM..
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Old 17th February 2018, 2:15 AM   #53
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
She’s not my ex. She’s someone who used me for sex and personal gain. Taking that little girl all weekend is not to get her back, but to keep my daughter safe from her intoxicated driving from her weekend binges.
Well, you obviously love your daughter enough to want to protect her!

My suggestion, seek counseling and find it in you to open your heart on all levels so you can be the best daddy to your little girl. Since there is stuff from your past and childhood that irks you about being around kids (even your own) that can be fixed. Those issues aren't going to go away until you face them and deal with them in a healthy way. Your kid deserves your unconditional love so please, fix what's broken inside of you.
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Old 18th February 2018, 2:13 AM   #54
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Today we were bored, and our local music shop was having a sale. So we went and picked up a keyboard and she’s just loving it. Maybe this’ll be something we can do together.
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Old 18th February 2018, 3:08 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
Today we were bored, and our local music shop was having a sale. So we went and picked up a keyboard and she’s just loving it. Maybe this’ll be something we can do together.

that's an awesome connection to nurture...music..its a way to start to bond.....deb
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Old 18th February 2018, 3:13 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
Today we were bored, and our local music shop was having a sale. So we went and picked up a keyboard and she’s just loving it. Maybe this’ll be something we can do together.
This is great, Cool frank! Wish I could "like" this post a thousand times!
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Old 20th February 2018, 8:10 PM   #57
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Cool frank, kudos to you for your self-awareness, and frankness in your replies. It is refreshing.
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Originally Posted by Cool frank View Post
Actually, her getting pregnant is what she’s done to ruin my life,
Cool frank, the mother of your daughter becoming pregnant did NOT happen in a vacuum, and without your willing participation at the time of conception!

But. What you're struggling with is just a normal part and experience of most any first-time parent, (so you don't need to feel that you're out of the ordinary or 'abnormal' in any way.)

All that it'll take, is to figure out a way to not feel guilty when you need a babysitter because you have normal, adult needs for normal, adult social interactions, including sex if and when you want it and you have a willing partner; or 'abnormal' for having such needs in the first place.

On the other hand, and regardless of your age or other life dreams, you have now been a willing participant in the act that brings new children into this world. So it's no longer constructive for you to think in terms of "what my child is doing is 'not a good look' to score me new/other romantic, love or sexual partners."

In the interest of brevity, I would offer for you to look up books, resources, professionals that can help you be the best of who you are for the rest of your life, given that you have already sired a child. Based on what you've already posted, 'abandonment issues', 'childhood clinginess', 'parent selfishness'. Also, 'emotional intelligence'.

Wishing you and your daughter all of the best in life.
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Old 21st February 2018, 12:05 PM   #58
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She’s not my ex. She’s someone who used me for sex and personal gain. Taking that little girl all weekend is not to get her back, but to keep my daughter safe from her intoxicated driving from her weekend binges.
The fact that you feel like this should give you some proof that you do love and care for your daughter.

Sure, its not perfect and you have a lot of issues regarding the mother, the situation, how things developed, etc.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 8:51 PM   #59
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I appreciate your candor. Now, I'm not into four-year-olds either. It's good your basic protection instinct was there when it was needed. Kids that age are at their worst. So hang in there and remember one basic training rule and wait it out until she's not an out of control toddler anymore. Another couple of years.

Basic rule: Only reward good, quiet behavior. Don't give her attention only when she's loudly demanding it. Wait until she's acting quiet and then give her attention and she'll eventually learn you like her best when she's not going nuts. Same way with food or toys or whatever. Let her know that once she quietens down and settles down, she'll get a cookie or whatever. It's one simple rule.

You do need to train her to stay in her own bed. Tell her the whole house is totally safe and that she needs to stay in her room and you will check on her once she's asleep.

I don't know how much custody you have, but I don't think they can force joint custody on you. And that's up to the court, not the mother. it's something to be determined in Court, but I don't think you should try to buy her off and leave the poor girl fatherless. The child does deserve a father, so make the best of it and things will get better as she gets a little older and isn't an out of control toddler age (about 7) and then eventually she'll care more about her friends than you.
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Old 22nd February 2018, 10:38 PM   #60
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Your choice to be a parent here is not optional.

You are the parent whether you like it or not. And so the child is your responsibility.

Money isn't good enough... you have a responsibility to act the part. The poor little girl!
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