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Adult children's disrespect. Am I being unreasonable?


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Old 26th December 2017, 2:04 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UpwardForward View Post
The deviousness, destruction of the three of them (husband/mistress/their attorney) turned me into a vegetable, at the time.

I would guess her ex-husband is using their kids to snoop on her lifestyle. Invade her.

Yes. My ex husband dropped my teenage daughter off at my house once while I was out. At a later date, he mentioned one of my books to me. It was in my bedroom, on the bookshelf. He'd clearly been snooping around. Talk about an invasion of privacy.
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Old 26th December 2017, 2:04 PM   #17
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You can't make - or depend on anyone in the household to follow the rules when you're out of the house .. . let alone, out of the country.

Last edited by UpwardForward; 26th December 2017 at 2:30 PM..
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Old 26th December 2017, 2:52 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
He's the father of your children and they are half him.

Be mindful of what messages you send...
They're fully grown adults.
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Old 26th December 2017, 9:24 PM   #19
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They're fully grown adults.
Who enjoy the company of their father.

Look I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do but loving your kids more than you hate your EX means it's not always about you.

Them spending time with their dad in their home isn't about the op. It's their home too, actually more than it is hers since she is hardly ever there.
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Old 27th December 2017, 1:07 PM   #20
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With all the theft, deviousness, disruption that happened with my divorce, exhusband would have only been using my kids, had he discovered my new address, and entered my home.

Even if he hadn't seen them daily, at work - he still had them to his home, on their vacations, holidays, etc.

As with OP, my kids were young adults. They were welcome to live with me as long as they wished. To keep my abode/sanctuary that of peace and privacy, would have been all that I asked.

I would think OP's kids' father would have had other ways or places to visit his kids, incl his own home.
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Old 27th December 2017, 2:04 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Yes & no.

I completely understand your reaction, but from an objective perspective, you have to stop thinking your whole place is now contaminated.

Do have a long, stern chat with your children about boundaries & respect. If they don't apologize, kick them out. They can go live rent free with dear old dad & his new wife. You can get a sublet & make some money while you are not using the place.
This. It is YOUR home and the rules need to be respected!
Your kids could have met their father outside of your home if they wanted to see him. They are very lucky to have you.

I once moved back home for a short period of time when I was an adult.
For a while, my behavior was very spoiled and ungrateful. I ended up writing my parents an apology letter as soon as I became more mature and humble.
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Old 27th December 2017, 2:41 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by UpwardForward View Post
With all the theft, deviousness, disruption that happened with my divorce, exhusband would have only been using my kids, had he discovered my new address, and entered my home.

Even if he hadn't seen them daily, at work - he still had them to his home, on their vacations, holidays, etc.

As with OP, my kids were young adults. They were welcome to live with me as long as they wished. To keep my abode/sanctuary that of peace and privacy, would have been all that I asked.

I would think OP's kids' father would have had other ways or places to visit his kids, incl his own home.
I remember those days when my kids were smaller and I used to let my XH come into my apartment to watch them. He would bring a backpack and what I didn't realize until later was that he was filling it with the pettiest of things. He would take razors, bars of soap, just random things and when I would notice and bring it to his attention he would think it was funny but I thought it was selfish and sick. Who knows what else he took or was looking for.

After this things changed and he was no longer allowed in my home and its been this way for over 20 years now.
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Old 29th December 2017, 7:42 PM   #23
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Call the police station and ask them if they or someone they could recommend could come and do a "sweep" of the home for any bugging devices. If your husband was really bad, yes, he might have done something like that. If not, at least you'll have the peace of mind of knowing he didn't when he had a chance.

I would be angry at the kids too. So stop providing them a free place to live. Let them get their own place or take over rent (if that's what it is) on that one. They should either be in school or working. If in school, you need to lay down the law with them and tell them this is YOUR house and you need to make it your house and if they don't like the rules, they can go get a job but that you won't pay for them if they are being jerks.
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Old 10th January 2018, 7:07 AM   #24
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lock your bedroom door. after you put all your personal private and valuable things inside.

leave the place to the twins with one more(in the spirit of the new year) chance.

explain to them that if they go "against your will", you will react by throwing their crap in sack and heaving it out the sidewalk.

good luck
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Old 28th February 2018, 9:21 AM   #25
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Just sit down both and talk calm Everything can be solved with conversation.
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