MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 My daughter keeps showing her panties to people at school and has been accused of trying to pull down the pants of others . She is 8 yrs old and should know better. My exH had a talk with her last night. It will be my turn to talk to her tomorrow. How do I get her to stop this nonsense? She would not own up to it, and then said it happened by accident. Now I'm not dumb, I KNOW this has something to do with our separation in January and her need for attention but it also has alot to do with her personality - just goofy and happy-go-lucky in general. The kids spend 50% of their time with each parent. Her brother is 10 and somewhat laid back and mature. This is the same child who took a picture of her underwear down her pants (in another post). Yes I want to look into some family counselling....but in the meantime, how do I get through to her? Another scary note, is I think she gets it from me! I was exactly like this as a kid and hated/hate this about myself (ie. showing body parts to boys)!! I know in some sense it can be considered normal behavior, but I doubt that very much in this case. I never felt normal as a kid. Also, there is NO history of abuse of any kind, and I don't believe this is the case here either. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I really think you need to talk to your pediatrician about this. I think a child of 8 should be able to understand when you tell her a behaviour is inappropriate and behave accordingly. Is she developmentally disabled at all? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 How do you discipline an teach? Maybe you need to spend more quality time with her to help ease her transition as a child of divorced parents. If she continues to disobey you, what punishments do you use? Some people do not believe in capital punishment, but if nothing else works.... Does she get an allowance? Perhaps if she has to pay for her bad behavior literally, she will change the behavior. Grounding, removing privileges, summer school, etc.? What about the friends she hangs around with, could they be influencing her? Maybe you need to separate them, or only allow them together when you are there to monitor. If she can't behave by herself then treat her like a two-year old and don't let her out of your sight and enlist the help of day-care workers or whoever may watch her while you are at work or away from the house. When she's ready to not be treated this way then give her some grown-up responsibilities and let her earn your trust back and earn back her privileges / allowance. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 What does she watch on TV? What does her brother teach her? I worked at a daycare once where this little girl did the same thing. Turns out her brother was showing her porn and magazines behind his parents back and thats where she got it from. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 My step-daughter kinda does the same thing. She's six. She shows people her that her short skirts (that her mom dresses her in, father DOES NOT approve of) that they're "scooter shorts" or some crap. She flips up her skirt and shows them off, they're about like bloomers. Her father got all over her for doing it. She had done it in public. And there are some SICK people out there. We had a talk with her on how to be a lady, and that you don't show people your underwear OR pull up your skirt. She quit. She also came home with a training type bra on a few months back that her mom bought for her. SHE'S FRICKIN SIX YEARS OLD FOR GOD'S SAKE. She had shown it to several people, including a 'boyfriend'. We had to tell her it wasn't appropriate to be showing to people, and her dad asked her to not wear it again to his house, that she was only six. Thank God she quit. So I feel your pain. What type of u-wear is your daughter wearing? How is showing them, from the back, pulling up her skirt, from the front??? I recommend that you buy her granny white panties. Not anything she'll WANT to show off hopefully. And no skirts. Til she gets out of this phase. Focus on the 'trying to be a lady thing'. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 I can see a kid of six doing it but eight seems to be a little old. You could buy her pairs of short shorts to wear either instead of underwear or over her underwear. I used to do that in school, actually, when it was going to be really windy and I didn't want to have to be bothered clutching the skirt of my uniform to stop it from flying up. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Sit her down and tell her this isn't appropriate.. tell her why it isn't appropriate and then ask her how she is, if there's anything she needs/wants to talk to you about (regarding your seperation) let her know you love her, that you can understand this (the seperation) has been hard on her but that she needs to know BOTH you and her Dad love her a lot... give her more attention for doing the right things and not as much when she isn't.... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 Thank u alot of good advice here. My ex emailed me that he talked to her and took away TV privileges and won't allow her to have friends over or go to her friend's places and he is going to stick close by her for the next while. I will have the kids for the next five days as of tomorrow, and will have to go by his rules as well, only the TV thing will be hard because my house is more open and my son will want to watch TV. I am guilty of not spending as much time with her because I was taking a course and working FT,but the course is done now. I will definitely make more time for her and my son, and will talk to her both about being a lady as well as finding out how she is feeling about things. I wasn't brought up to "talk" about things, my marriage was not this way, and I don't really know how to get my kids to open up. If I ask them how they feel about something I just get a shrug...and "okay". I really need to read more maybe! I will also get my ex to talk to the daycare (I am not good at that sort of thing - he's the one who calls the teachers, etc). Just a precaution, but I will also tell my ex not to get the "boy" babysitter anymore. He hasn't been over much and not for a long time, but just a precaution. She is a very smart girl, great marks, athletic, funny (too funny)! As for punishment, she LOVES being spanked so I won't even go there, she will stick her bum out and shake it! I once took something away from her and she cried for about 5 min....then never asked for it like she didn't care if she had it or not. I guess the best punishment would be taking away more privileges...but she really has this "I don't care" attitude when it comes to punishment or threats of it. My son, no way is any of this his doing. He is very straight-laced and knows better than to "look" if she is trying to get him to see her run naked from the bath to the bedroom. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 As for punishment, she LOVES being spanked so I won't even go there, she will stick her bum out and shake it! No more spanking! Damn!!!!!! Ground her, time out...whatever you feel is age appropriate...but no more spanking...omg...she likes it?!??! Okay but please, do tell, is she showing the back of her underwear, the front, pulling her skirt up, or what?! Yes, def talk to the daycare and see if they have noticed anything weird or wack. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 7, 2005 Author Share Posted June 7, 2005 No, she won't wear skirts or dresses. She likes those skorts though. The teacher told me the other kids said that she turned her back to the teacher and was showing them her underwear in class, so I guess she was pulling down the top a bit. And again at recess, and in another class over the last couple of weeks. (Fruit of the Looms by the way). May be I should make her wear boys gitch! LOL I am kidding, humiliation would harm her. She gets allowance, but we are too inconsistent. I think the best thing right now would be to let her know that she is being watched very closely and the reasons why. She has done a few other disappointing things besides this that she thought was okay, such as taking money to school and buying chocolate milk for her friends at lunch (sweet but still don't approve). Also she has made some decisions on her own that we were not aware of such as not participating in something that we didn't find out about until it was over with. Those activities cost us alot of money, and although those instances aren't totally her fault, she was told we were disappointed. So yeah, if she wants this type of "freedom" as an 8 yr old, she will first have to earn it and know that we are watching very closely. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Hey, I'm just glad the kid's not wearing thongs. Tell her if she keeps showing her panties, someone's gonna see her doo-doo streaks. Kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted June 7, 2005 Share Posted June 7, 2005 Please take your daughter to a psychologist. It could be nothing at all, or it could be all of the life changes, or it could be something wholly unrelated. Trying to guess over a message board is about as useful as trying to diagnose a rash by phone. We can all give educated guesses based on our experiences - but in the end - it's best to have a professional take a peek under the hood (of her brain, not her shorts). Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted June 8, 2005 Share Posted June 8, 2005 make her wear ugly panties or panties with holes or stains on them (clean of course). I bet she will not want anyone to see them then! Link to post Share on other sites
Chris777 Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 As you have made clear in your other post, you are doing the best you can for your children. You and your husband are their primary role models, for how they should behave, how they should live, and how to solve problems. As you have clearly stated on several occasions you are doing an excellent job of parenting, and anything that anyone might suggest that could possibly be critical of it is in fact by your own admittance wrong. So keep up the good job, seeking out your own happiness, after all if you aren't happy why should they be? and once they see your success, then everything will become clear to them, how they should in fact live their own lives. and everyone will behave properly, as their needs have been met, as long as yours have been first, as things have a way of trickling down, and they will catch the crumbs eventually. so keep it up and the problem might eventually work itself out Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 9, 2005 Author Share Posted June 9, 2005 Thank you. I am going to stick close to her though, offer a little more guidance in some areas, and try to be a little more consistent with punishment. I'd much rather boost her self-image than give her a poor self-image of being a "bad girl". Link to post Share on other sites
ukparent Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 My stepdaughter still walks around the house in the morning in just her bra and pants and shes 12, so who cares ??? My own younger daughter who's 9 does so as well. The only worry we had was when we were on holiday with our friends, and she'd come out of the shower naked like she sometimes does at home. But a quiet word in her ear............... iDon't worry !!! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted July 8, 2005 Share Posted July 8, 2005 Originally posted by ukparent My stepdaughter still walks around the house in the morning in just her bra and pants and shes 12, so who cares ??? My own younger daughter who's 9 does so as well. The only worry we had was when we were on holiday with our friends, and she'd come out of the shower naked like she sometimes does at home. But a quiet word in her ear............... iDon't worry !!! Um...okay. This poster complained that... My daughter keeps showing her panties to people at school and has been accused of trying to pull down the pants of others . ...and you're comparing it to the comfort in your own home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 11, 2005 Author Share Posted July 11, 2005 Yeah. At home she just tries to grab my boobs! Link to post Share on other sites
ukparent Posted July 11, 2005 Share Posted July 11, 2005 yes, you're right, its different Link to post Share on other sites
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