Parenting tactics? Would this work??

[Bunni]

I was thinking about this today. It seems to me that if you forbid you children to do or have something they want it even more and will do it behind your back. So does anyone else think it would be better to just let them do or have it with boundries??

 

Example Instead of forbidding a 13 year old kid from having alcohol, let him share a beer with you or have a sip so when he is older it would be no big deal to go get drunk.

 

I dont know I think this may be a better approach. Always with boundries tho.

Any thoughts??

[SusieQ]

I guess it depends on the situation in the home. If the parents are constantly drinking or smoking or swearing, or whatever the behaviour they want to put boundaries on, then just putting the boundaries on will not work. Kids will imitate the behaviour they see their parents display, not the stuff their parents tell them to do. We all know that, so that's nothing new. But for instance when I was growing up, my parents often drank wine with their meals, but I never saw them drink at any other times except special occasions such as New Year's Eve, or other rare and truly special times and even then, it was in moderation. Therefore, alcohol was freely available to my brother and me, but we never ever felt the urge to drink because it was a) freely available if we wanted it and b) drunkenness as such was not behaviour that was modelled by our parents. Even though we knew lots of people who drank heavily, we ourselves didn't imitate the behaviour of other people, but modelled ourselves after our parents.

 

If I had to rate your idea, I would say that openness and participation by the parent in any behaviour is better than closeness, prohibition and just blindly hoping that the child is not going to do the things we wish they wouldn't do. So I would go your route, and have a clear plan and stick to it consistently. Talking about the issue of alcoholism, and all the ramifications of it while also using the hand-on approach that you are proposing sounds really constructive. I would definitely think it would be more positive than just prohibiting things and doing nothing else about it.

[Bunni]

Originally posted by SusieQ

I guess it depends on the situation in the home. If the parents are constantly drinking or smoking or swearing, or whatever the behaviour they want to put boundaries on, then just putting the boundaries on will not work. Kids will imitate the behaviour they see their parents display, not the stuff their parents tell them to do.

 

 

So I guess using my approach and keeping in mind dont just preach it but practice it so the kids have a good role model would be a great combination on raising a child as best as you can, And giving them the best chance to become a responsible respectable adult without too much rebelling.

 

Awesome point susie.