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Reading a kid's diary - YAY or NAY?


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Okay, before you yell at me and say NO!!!! Here's the preface:

 

My (newly) step-daughter is 6. She writes in her diaries A LOT. And she has a lot of them. She's always very secretive about them, which is cool. She hides them from my 4 year old and gets uber sensitive when he wants to touch her diaries...lol. I have explained to her that he is 4, and cannot read. She still doesn't quite get it, but whatever.

 

This morning, I was on the other side of the house, turning down the thermostat (I was leaving for work). I noticed that my son had left his shoe drawer wide open, I went in his bedroom and closed the drawer. As I walked out, I saw something laying on his toy tool thingie. It had writing on it. We've been working on his alphabet like a bunch of mad men, I figured it was were he had written his letters for the day.

 

I was like, "Awwww"...and walked over, and it's her diary in his room. The page is opened to a big "I love Sam". :eek: Okay, my first thought was this....OMG....we call my brother "Sam" sometimes. His name is Sammie. :confused: She acts like she TOTALLY has a crush on Sammie (my brother - her step-uncle!!!). He's 15. She swoons over him - you can tell. She always wants to hang out with him and crap. They both like Yu-gi-oh (???). We've always kidded her about it, but I'm wondering if she's referring to him?!

 

So we are going to Disney in May - our family plus my Mom's fam (which obviously includes my little bro). WTF should we do?! We think we should confront her.

 

She said this weekend for the first time ever that she had a boyfriend. The kid is six?!?! She told her Dad that her boyfriend had blonde hair. And she told me that she'd had him for a b/f for one year? :confused: She's known Sammie for about 14 months or so.

 

WTF do we do? :( Should we read her other diaries? Or read this one? Or ask her? Or keep her away from him? Or talk to him??? HELP!!!!

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Tiki I don't have kids/step kids but I "think" it's normal for little girls her age to get crushes.... ;):D It's so adorable BUT as long as your little bro isn't "feeding into" it. I mean I'm sure it's totally innocent and come on she's only 6 what is there really to "confront" her about? :p:)

 

 

IMHO if you and her daddy bring it up that you know, she may ****forever**** feel she can't come to you about problems, fears, ect, ect. If you do decide to read her diaries, don't forget to put them back where you find them and don't let on that you've done it! :o

 

 

Next time she talks about her "boyfriend" ask her....so who is it? Try and get her to explain why in fact she considers him her boyfriend...maybe explain to her that at her age, having a boy she likes as a friend (or has a crush on) isn't really a **boyfriend** but in fact just a friend.........or something along those lines.... :)

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Take a breath.

 

 

She is only 6. For her, a boyfriend means just that, a boyfriend. She has no concept of what a sexual relationship is.

 

 

Her crush on her uncle is nothing to get worried about. She may feel an attraction for him but it's nothing more then that, a crush.

 

I suggest sitting down with her and asking what she thinks it means to have a BF. Find out where she is coming from.

 

For kids her age, they just say "I have a BF or GF" but it's just a title and nothing else. Next day, there would be a new BF.

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blind_otter

Article on coping with kids' first crushes

 

She is young....children at that age have a very active fantasy life - to her a "crush" has no real sexual connotation as you might see it. I would definatley NOT read her other diaries...it's an invasion of privacy and it would probably be really traumatic...the kinda stuff you talk about with your therapist when you're in your 20s. I still remember my Mom reading my stuff, my poetry books and stuff. I hated it.

 

IF she were older I would definately say confrontation might be a better option, but not at 6 years old -- here....

Good article on the developmental milestones attained at age 6

 

HTTH

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I feel so bad that I ran across this, but in the same breath, I'm glad I found it. But it was sitting out in the open. :o My son could have taken into his room, but I'm thinking she had to had left it out somewhere. And of course he's clueless, he's learning his ABC's.

 

I don't want her to feel like she can't write anything private in her diary. She's been writing in them since I've known her and I'd never read it. I don't think her dad would either. I even help her fond hiding places for her keys. :o But this was kinda in a small little book, not the lockable type. I just don't want her to not trust us.

 

I know the boyfriend thing is so silly at such a young age. I remember in second grade, having an imaginary boyfriend, just to make everyone jealous (yes, my issues started young, lol). Timothy Washington was his name. :o

 

But here's the thing. She and my son hang out with Sammie a lot....he's like a big kid too. Is this inappropriate, now knowing what we know (if this is even about him)?? I hate to ban her from playing with him. Or should she still continue to be allowed to play with him like normal? (The kids are always in his room watching TV, movies and playing video games and crap - they really like to hang out with him)

 

I could be totally jumping the gun. She may not even be referencing to him, but I think she is.

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blind_otter

:o:o:o

 

I had a crush on my older sister's boyfriend when I was like 8....it was no big deal I never told anyone, but ya know -- it was harmless. It's not like she's going to act on her crush or anything....

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Do you trust Sam? Kids have crushes. Your little brother might already know it, or if he doesn't - he might start teasing her about it and might get a kick out of being the "older man"! It's sweet and innocent and I don't think there is any reason to be concerned or intervene in any way.

 

Splitting them up may send some signals that you don't want to send - -to everyone.

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laRubiaBonita

tiki~ ask her about friends at school, see if anyone comes up. ask her if she likes a boy.

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OMG you silly girl :p She's SIX! :lmao:

 

She's a six year old with a crush on a fifteen year old. He's not going to give her the time of day, and she'll grow out of it in not time.

 

"Confront" her about it? hee hee! You'll just embarass the crap out of her, and alienate her even more.

 

She's six.... :laugh: Just let her have her little crush :p

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:laugh:

 

 

:o

 

I trust Sammie. Totally. And he's so awesome with kids. My mom was even talking about how she'd trust him to watch the kids, because he's so good with them.

 

I'm gonna feel like an ass if there's really a 6 year old boy named Sam and it's not my brother. But she does get all googly eyed for Sammie. So you think it's totally okay for them to hang out together?! Should I mention this to my mom? :confused:

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My oldest daughter is 7.. she has had a mad crush on one of my best friends son's forever, he's 13.

 

I don't worry about it.. my GF's son is a good kid.. he likes to hang out with my daughter on occassion (when my GF and I are getting together) and like your step daugther she (my daughter) is into those cards LOL and she thinks it's very cool that my GF's son knows so much about them...

 

As long as you trust Sam (like Beth has said) I really wouldn't sweat this.. it's a crush.. the first of many ;)

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You guys all made me feel better, thanks. My poor brother....lol...if he found out, he'd croak.

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I had a crush on my cousin that was about 20 years older than me when I was around 10-12. He was so cute! I was like his kid sister and he knew I had a crush on him. He'd play around with me all the time and was so sweet. It's really is innocent at that age. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

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