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How can I get him to behave in school??


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Old 8th February 2005, 12:16 PM   #1
aaah
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How can I get him to behave in school??

I am sure you have all heard this before but I don't know what to do. It's so much easier when you're an outsider looking in!!

Anyway, my son is almost five and is very bright and very nice and kind. At home he sometimes gets a bit mad but he does what I say and is generally well-behaved.

Well, he started school last september and in the last few months the teacher has had to 'talk' to me almost once or twice every week because my son is messing in class or hitting the other children. Now, when I say he's hitting he's not punching them...Anyway, what bothers me is how the heck do I get him to behave in school?? Plus the other kids are calling him the 'bold' boy in the class. It really upsets him but he deosn't seem to understand that the naughtier he is in school the more the kids will call him 'bold'.

How can I get him to behave in school????
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Old 9th February 2005, 10:41 AM   #2
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Hi Aaah,

I'm curious as to why the other kids are calling him the 'bold' boy. Where did they pick up that term from? I have a 5 year old and that is just not a word that she uses. Could it be that the teacher started calling him that? If that is the case, that is a problem. Is it possible that your child is reacting to the environment at school?

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Old 9th February 2005, 10:53 AM   #3
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i have 8 and 10 yr old boys and "bold" isnt a word that they would use either........so yeah, where did that come from?
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Old 9th February 2005, 11:00 AM   #4
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When I first read your post yesterday, I wondered the same thing. Although I am not sure where you are from, or where your accent is derived, but I wondered it "bold" sounded like "bad".

Bold boy = bad boy?
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Old 9th February 2005, 1:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Anyway, what bothers me is how the heck do I get him to behave in school??
That's not your job. It's the Teacher's job to make the kids behave. You can offer suggestions to the Teacher on how to punish your child if he/she disobeys, but other than that, you're powerless because you aren't there.

My youngest daughter, 6 years old, is on a cube system where she get 10 cubes a week. At the end of the week, if she has any cubes left, she cashes them in for reward. If she disobeys she loses cubes, and then less reward. We encourage her every day to behave so she won't lose any, and we also give her reward at home if she doesn't lose any cubes for that day.

It's a system her teacher implemented, we just compliment it.
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Old 9th February 2005, 1:09 PM   #6
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tell him if you hear of it again you will make arrangements to come sit in class with him and make him apologize to his entire class for taking up their learning time with his bad behaviour.
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Old 9th February 2005, 1:10 PM   #7
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Moose, TMT, great ideas! Love 'em!
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Old 9th February 2005, 1:34 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moose
That's not your job. It's the Teacher's job to make the kids behave. You can offer suggestions to the Teacher on how to punish your child if he/she disobeys, but other than that, you're powerless because you aren't there.

My youngest daughter, 6 years old, is on a cube system where she get 10 cubes a week. At the end of the week, if she has any cubes left, she cashes them in for reward. If she disobeys she loses cubes, and then less reward. We encourage her every day to behave so she won't lose any, and we also give her reward at home if she doesn't lose any cubes for that day.

It's a system her teacher implemented, we just compliment it.

i had trouble with my eldest going back several years, i had to literally drag him to school, so i thought of all the things i thought he would like, wrote them down on pieces of paper, and put them all in a big bowl.

this would be simple things.......going to the park, baking cookies, play a board game (yeah i know these are things parents should be doing anyway, but he was like 5....he didnt know)

every day he went to school without any trouble, he would get to choose one, and if he had 5 at the end of the week, then he got to choose the one he liked best.

within 3 months he was going to school without a murmur.
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Old 9th February 2005, 4:31 PM   #9
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Thank you everyone for your replies!! I am from Ireland and 'bold' is a very common word for naughty here. My son goes to an Irish speaking school so it wasn't the teacher who called him 'bold'.

The teacher says he is usually alright in the class, it's at lunch time out in the yard that he goes wild and starts punching people and kicking them. He seems to think that he needs to prove to people how strong he is, because men are supposed to be really strong, you see (his words, not mine). I tell him not to do this and that even if someone else tells him to do something that he knows is wrong, he has a choice whether to do it or not (he was blaming others for his behaviour).

I really don't know what to do. He is quite good at home, listens to me in the end even if he is throwing a tantrum. I've tried a star chart, I've tried bribing (not a good idea!) I've tried giving out and I think I've exhausted all possible ideas. The teacher is punishing him, he's not allowed go out in the yard for the next few days, so maybe her telling me was another form of punishment and she doesn't actually expect me to punish him more?

I told him that if there was ever something bothering him, no matter what it was that he should tell me, that I wouldn't get angry with him. The teacher seems to think there might be something there. What do you think??
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Old 9th February 2005, 11:27 PM   #10
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What does he like to do at home? Watch TV? Play with other children or a favorite toy? Taking away things they like to do can be motivational. Remind him before he goes to school in the morning that he'll be able to do his favorite things only if you get a good report from the teacher.
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Old 10th February 2005, 9:43 AM   #11
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Hi Aaah,

Well that explains the misunderstanding about the word "bold" . How are you doing over there on the other side of the ocean?

You may have already done this, but could you have a talk with him about what "strong" means. He is probably getting the message from others that strong is about physical strength from alot of sources. Parents, though, have the most influence over their children at this age. Maybe you could tell him that being strong means acting appropriately when we are angry, treating others fairly and standing up for what is right and wrong (not necessarily in a physical way).

Anyways, good luck...

Cheers,
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Old 10th February 2005, 7:46 PM   #12
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Everything is fine over here, the weather isn't too bad (we think it's cold but it hasn't gone below zero). Well, I tried what you suggested. I even went to him and said 'hit mommy', to which he answered 'no' so I asked him why he wouldn't hit me and he said that he would hurt me. I told him that no matter what people tell you to do that if you know it's wrong you shouldn't do it, that you have the choice. And I really think he understood that.

Hopefully he'll be better, he is extremely bright and I'd hate to think the other children wouldn't play with him because of this.

Anyway, thanks everyone for all your help.
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Old 16th February 2005, 10:19 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moose
That's not your job. It's the Teacher's job to make the kids behave.
I have to say something about Moose's two statements.

First, it's the teacher's job while the kids are in school to keep them orderly.

Second and most importantly, it is the parents' job to be sure a child grows up respecting others. That means listening in class, keeping their hands off others, doing their school work, allowing others to listen and learn, etc.

I truely believe that children are a product of their environment. There are millions of unruly, disrespectful kids because they have no rules and no one to care enough to teach them right from wrong. As George McFly in Back to the Future says, "It comes from upbringing. The kid's an idiot. His parents are probably idiots, too."

Anyway, I'm not saying that Aaah is an irresposible parent (or an idiot LOL). What I am saying is that it is up to her to explain to her son the importance of school, of making friends, of giving others their space. When my kids were little, I'd take them in to see their new teacher at the beginning of the year. I had them stand right there while I told the teacher that if she had any problem with them, to just let me know. I also told the kids that if they didn't listen or behave, I'd sit right next to them in their class for a few days. They knew I meant it and never dared to embarrass themselves by having Mom sit in class. *wink*

Last edited by Lil Honey; 16th February 2005 at 10:29 AM..
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Old 16th February 2005, 10:47 AM   #14
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I agree with everything that you said, I wanted to add a little something:
Quote:
Second and most importantly, it is the parents' job to be sure a child grows up respecting others. That means listening in class, keeping their hands off others, doing their school work, allowing others to listen and learn, etc.
This is true, but I think it's important to always keep in mind not to go overboard. If you drill into their heads day in and day out to behave, sit still, be quite, some children are going to rebel against the parents while at school. There's a fine line there and it's real hard to find it. All five of my kids have their own individual barrier that you have to stay within so as not to provoke them to go off and do the exact opposite of what you're trying to teach them.

We still have corporal punishment in our schools, at parent teacher conferences, I tell the teachers to exercise it, and in front of the class, no phone call to me is neccessary, that's usually enough said.
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Old 16th February 2005, 11:00 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moose
I think it's important to always keep in mind not to go overboard.
Yep, moderation is good in all things.

You are right, no drilling "day in and day out" is necessary.

Children also need to know that they are loved unconditionally, even if they do make mistakes.
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