My Daughter feels I abandoned her

[Lily blue]

Hello everyone.

Ok I Amit that I am naive and feel like I have a lot of problems and questions....

 

My Ex and I been married 23 years and we ended up in Divorce due to he was having an affair with new Co worker who is 15 years younger than him.

My Ex wasn't a bad guy but he was emotionally abussive but never physical.

We had very hard life and live by paycheck to pay check. I often work two jobs to support my kids and my Ex's expensive hobby....golf and Photography hobby.

As soon as I moved out, his new girl friend moved in with him in few days.

 

 

It's been almost three years since my Divorce.

I gave up everything and gave 100% of our asset to him because I do not want to go through with laws and courts and all....

I moved away to different state.bi have no family but I do have my Aunt lives in VA and she offered me to come and stay with her.....so I did.

 

I cashed out my 401k and my last two pay checks and money that my Mother gave it to me I had that so I took that and left.

My son is 25 and my Daughter is 21

 

My son wasn't that sad or nothing just in shock.

My son hold me and say Mom it's ok I m here for you. You deserve better..you lived like slave and you need to be happy and down in the road, I hope you meet a loving man who loves you and adores you...

My Daugther was too.

They been so supportive and my in laws was very supportive and sweet at first but now they don't care.

 

I met my current boyfriend who is well off and treats me very nice and sweet but not perfect but 10 times better than my Ex.

 

Anyway, my daughter some how going through deep depression and she have no job and doing nothing stays at home ....

 

My Son and my Daughter both been needing and asking for help financially and their Dad has no extra money so I send them money that I have whenever they needed.

My son keep in contact and sends me text and cards on my birthday and so on...

 

My daughter only contacts me when she need money so I been doing just that.

Now I am almost out of savings...I told both of them I cannot do that anymore.

 

I make money by buying and selling fine jewelry...I have doing this on the side for years and I never spend anyone's money nor ask my boyfriend.

 

My daughter say well your boy friend is rich....I say I never ask or spend his money and I never have and never will.

 

I told her it hurts that you only contact me when you need money why not just call and say hi or how are you?

 

She no longer speak or talk to me.

She say she feel like has no mother and I m not there when she needs or wants talk about stuff like we used to and that hurts.

 

She text me saying I m sorry if I ruin your life and it's ok you don't help me anymore. She say she will not going to talk to me or see me up until she is ready and she don't know when that day will be,.....

 

I stil send her text and cards and gift.

No respond ever from her now but I will never stop loving her and write to her.

 

I took the trip down there for two weeks and stayed in hotel but she never wanted to see me while I was there...I visit and seen co workers, friends and my Son....,

 

I m very hurt and I pray and cried.

Should I give her space or keep do what I do?

[casey.lives]

I don't know how old your daughter is and that really makes a difference on what to do .. how old is she?

[Lily blue]

She is 20 will be 21 in March next year.

[clia]

Can you offer to have her come live with you for awhile so you can help her find a job and deal with her depression? How far away does she live? Why did you decide to move away from your kids?

[dreamingoftigers]

Do you call her to say hi and ask her how she is doing?

 

I often find parents who get the "they only ask me for money" treatment don't initiate with their kids on most other levels.

[pteromom]

She is hurting right now because she relied on the money you gave her.

 

Keep reaching out. Keep inviting her to do things with you. Keep trying.

 

As she grows up a little, she will gain better understanding of the big picture.

[Lily blue]

I moved away because I have no family there or friends that can help me and i cannot afford to live my own with my pay check alone.

And I worked at a retail Pharmacy and my Ex and his Girl friend are both FedEx currier and deliver our Pharmacy stuff to us and I cannot bare to see him everyday.

 

So I moved to my only family I had my Aunt.

My kids lives in OR and now I live in NC

 

I reach out to her all the time through phone and Facebook.

 

But she unfriended me on Facebook and she won't answer phone so I just sent text messages and stuff.

 

She tried to commit suicide once and told my Ex to keep eye on her and I keep in contact with my Ex.

She lives with him and his girlfriend.

 

She used to be very bright, very social and very intelligent girl and always laughing... Both my kids was honor student and got straight A's

But my Ex say she don't leave house and cut off friends. Only person she want to see or talk is her boyfriend but he is in college.

 

My boyfriend won't .

He used to be very supportive Andre did like my kids but after I visited OR and that my Daughter won't see me or respond, he say he will not see her either and that she is not welcome in his house.

He tells me do not send her money no more.

 

I m extreamly good to his Mom and His kids. He has Twins.

I love her and miss her.

[Ms. Faust]

My boyfriend won't .

He used to be very supportive Andre did like my kids but after I visited OR and that my Daughter won't see me or respond, he say he will not see her either and that she is not welcome in his house.

He tells me do not send her money no more.

 

I m extreamly good to his Mom and His kids. He has Twins.

I love her and miss her.

 

Your boyfriend has no say in whether or not you can send your daughter money. How did you support her after she attempted suicide? Was this while you were in NC and she in OR?

[Lily blue]

While I was in OR. When she found out her Dad was having an affair. She thought her Dad never do such thing.

 

I was there and took her to emergency and she wanted to move out same time I was leaving so, I gave her money for rent and groceries and stuff and been sending her every months and she ask more money here and there and I did that.

I ask my Ex to help but he say he have no money but he has money to go out eat buy his girl friend stuff, taking trips....now my funds getting really low and so I can't really buy jewelries so my side thing isn't making much.

I use eBay and buy and sell stuff.

I want to get a job but my boyfriend won't let me and gets angry...he won't give me money but buys things I need.

So I m in a hard place.

[pteromom]

I want to get a job but my boyfriend won't let me and gets angry...he won't give me money but buys things I need.

So I m in a hard place.

 

Get a job. Your boyfriend doesn't sound like much of a catch.

 

You are a grown woman. You can do what you want.

 

Don't let him dictate your life.

[Ms. Faust]

I want to get a job but my boyfriend won't let me and gets angry...he won't give me money but buys things I need.

So I m in a hard place.

 

Is your boyfriend your parent? What do you mean he won't let you?

 

Get a job, lose the boyfriend. He sounds awful.

[Tayla]

so when you had no where to go... a relative helped you. You moved and built a new life. Be that relative that helps your daughter. I am so sorry she is not valuing you or gaining closeness. When young folks are depressed its important to keep putting yourself in their life.

[bluefeather]

So you've got a roof over your head and your bf doesn't give you money... what good is he? You're probably very kind and that is why he doesn't want you to get a job. If other men learn about you, they may try to take you away from him.

 

It sounds like you've had a tough life, but you turned out pretty well. You probably could have been a lot worse, with an angry outlook on life. When your daughter matures, maybe she will better understand what you have gone through.

 

You give and give and give. But it seems like only to others and not yourself. I would say to continue to love your daughter just as you are. Maybe one day, she will realize that you never abandoned her.

[beautifulinside2]

I have a 20 year old daughter. She is a junior in college on scholarship. I was a single parent and I gave her everything I could. She had the best I could afford, I travelled to all of her games around the US, took time off work, spent time with her and her friends etc. When she left for college she turned on me showed no appreciation only called for money and lots of it. I gave her my 2010 BMW to drive at school in July it was wrecked by December and I once saw a boy driving it without my permission. She wasted lots of money, got bad grades, picked horrible friends, and almost lost her scholarship.

 

My point: maybe we gave them too much. My daughter manipulated me because she knows that she is all I have and would do anything for her. Only a mature young adult would appreciate her mother's love and not take it for granted. Now I took the car back only call her when she calls me, I text her occasionally and send her emails. I still support her by going to her college home games and I give her an allowance that I never go over. If she spends it oh well. She tolerates my BF but don't like him because now she sees I invest in my own personal life and don't rely on her to be my life.She is always welcomed in our house for as long as she likes, but he doesn't want her taking advantage of me.