TX-SC Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 For the record, my daughter is 13 and she has NOT come our as lesbian or bisexual. In fact, she says she is straight. But, the conversations came up and we had a discussion about this, and the way she keeps asking makes me wonder if there might be more to this. Anyway, I would be 100% supportive either way, and would not treat her any differently, except for one possible issue... As it is now, we of course let her have sleepovers at her female friends' houses. No issues there. They sleep in the same bed, etc. I WOULD NOT let her sleep over at a male friend's house at this age and especially not in the same bed. So, if a child comes out as gay or lesbian at this age, how do you handle sleepovers? Do you just hope that your parenting is sufficient to not have anything sexual happen, or do you have to set new ground rules? I personally think that 13 is just too young for a child to have a sexual relationship with ANYONE, male or female. I realize that is going to change in the next couple of years. So, how do you handle these situations? Again, this may not even apply to us, but I want to have better answers than I do now if it does come up again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I posted almost the exact same issue last year in this thread. For the record, we have allowed sleepovers but (is this hypocritical?) not at our house. Frankly, she doesn't want sleepovers at our house but at her Best Friend's house. For her Prom, she attended with her Best Friend and joked about "going all the way." Now my Stepdaughter has stated that she has no intention of anything serious, but I know this is an age of experimentation. We would rather have her experiment in the confines of safety than anywhere seedy. It is still a quandary for us, but we have grown more accustomed to how this girl is handling her own life. For the record, after a pretty horrible depression in the winter (hospitalized twice for suicidal tendencies), we are pretty confident she isn't going to get involved with someone and have that amount of drama to deal with. She has put her head on her shoulders more evenly and is college-minded; not wanting to engage in High School drama. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 WOW. Interesting dilemma. My first gut-reaction is the reason you won't let your [straight] 13-YO girl sleep over at a [straight] 13-YO boy's house, is due to the awakening sexual tension/urges. So, it would seem, that if a 13-YO DID come out as being homosexual, same-sex sleepovers would need to be off the table, too... ...otherwise, hugely conflicting messages are being sent...i.e., heterosexual sex is a no-no (because it can lead to pregnancy), whereas homosexual sex is 'OK' ('cuz there's no danger of pregnancy). I think the real message is 'sex - and sexual expression - is supposed to be important and treasured'...and NOT put in the [fumbling] hands of very young minors. Even if you were extremely progressive and didn't mind your 16/17/18+ YO having sex (and provided the birth control for them), do you really want to hear it, in your home, during a 'sleepover'?!? Good luck with all of it, OP...sometimes I am VERY glad I'm old...and my children are grown!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 It is a tough question. I can tell you as a bisexual who was coming out in my mid to late teens, I was very experimental, meaning that there was indeed a lot going on at otherwise innocuous seeming get-togethers, and I didn't tell my mom before she figured it out all at once one day. It sounds like you have a big advantage in that you already have a dialogue about it. I was old enough by the time my mom found out that there really wasn't anything she could do about it, so I can't give you any 'preventative measures' suggestions. Thinking back as that teenager tho, I think I would have appreciated a certain acknowledgment and degree of honesty about it, meaning I probably would have been able to accept "not in my house" rules, but any attempt at total prohibition would have just made it worse. You may be on the right track with Carrie's suggestion of limited control. I think more than anything you want them to be safe, right, not doing risky stuff in public parks or cars, etc.? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Which raises another interesting question: Would it be unfair to ban a bi minor from attending any sleepovers? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Which raises another interesting question: Would it be unfair to ban a bi minor from attending any sleepovers? In answer to the original question...I would not be allowing my young teen daughter to have her boyfriend sleep over...so if she had a girlfriend that would be off the table too. The above question.....hmmm..... If my straight daughter had a friend who was gay/bi, and she wanted to include that friend in a sleepover, I wouldn't ban it. And I admit, if I had a gay/bi daughter whose straight friend wanted to invite her over along with a few other girls, and the mom or dad went ape and banned it...I'd be ticked. Contrary to some popular belief, just because someone is gay doesn't mean they cannot contain themselves around the same sex or that they are going to try to "convert" everyone Link to post Share on other sites
buck3200 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 From my experience it is very common for girls these days to experiment with one another. I know my step-daughter did and grew out of it, is married now and recently had a child. As a teenager, trying to stop willing participants from having sex is an exercise in futility....baring home schooling and the use of lock and chain... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TX-SC Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 We had another talk last night and I made it clear to her that it's something that would need to be discussed but doesn't mean that sleepovers would be a no go. She is currently in counseling due to some anxiety attacks and depression. Hopefully, she is being open with her therapist about whatever she is feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 My friends 9 year old son is gay, or at least he's going to be a crossdresser or something. We all suspect he may transition into a woman after puberty. It's been really obvious since he was very young. There's just no denying it. It's not a big deal to his parents. They're open minded people. They just want him to be happy. It's 2015. Kids are growing up with sexual orientation and gender preferences being a non-issue. They regularly go to a psychiatrist with their son. The doctor tells them to just keep doing what they have been doing... let him dress like a girl and have crushes on other little boys. The world is changing... Link to post Share on other sites
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