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how is it being a single parent?


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Old 13th August 2015, 3:58 AM   #1
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how is it being a single parent?

I am currently with my children's dad but i dont know how much longer i can be with him. I do love him so much but i really don't think we would still be together if we didn't have two kids together. He is a wonderful dad and my daughter love him. I really dont want have to my daughters to have to only have part time daddy. How do parent make this work? When I see him with the kids, i still love him. He is all i could wish for in a prefect dad but he cheated on me when i was pregnant and i cant get over it. The pain never goes away. I stay with him because i do still love him but mostly just for my kids. Will i feel better if i leave him or will i feel completely awful for causing a split home for my kids? Just want to know how other parents that left their spouses made things work? and if they ever regrets leaving their spouses?
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Old 13th August 2015, 5:06 AM   #2
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Leaving him won't change your feelings or make the pain of his betrayal go away. You'll have a new set of problems and still will have to find a way to resolve your feelings toward him.

I'm not saying staying with him is the answer. Just that leaving in and of itself doesn't address the real issue.
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Old 13th August 2015, 5:37 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
Leaving him won't change your feelings or make the pain of his betrayal go away. You'll have a new set of problems and still will have to find a way to resolve your feelings toward him.

I'm not saying staying with him is the answer. Just that leaving in and of itself doesn't address the real issue.
Yes i understand that, i try so hard to resolve my feeling towards hiim but they dont go away, i just think to how hurt and how much hearing that he cheated ****ed everything up and even my bonding with my daughter now bonding with daughter is better and im feeling happier but if im having a good day the back of head is saying dont have fun with him he cheated he doesn't deserve your happiness. Im so ****ing confused and messed with my feeling. i know leaving him wont change how i feel but maybe it would help me to move on but i doubt i will actaully ever leave him at least while my kids are young i dont know
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Old 13th August 2015, 5:42 AM   #4
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When he cheated on you, what happened? Did you break up for a while and try to figure it out or did you feel as though you had to stick it out?

Also, I don't know anything about being a parent but as a kid from a home where my parents separated, their separation was a lot easier on me than them trying to stay together when they'd argue a lot. I was probably about 12 and even though at first it sucked being away from one parent, it didn't take long for me or my brother (he was 9-10) to adapt to it.
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Old 13th August 2015, 5:51 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by adreamwithinadream View Post
Yes i understand that, i try so hard to resolve my feeling towards hiim but they dont go away, i just think to how hurt and how much hearing that he cheated ****ed everything up and even my bonding with my daughter now bonding with daughter is better and im feeling happier but if im having a good day the back of head is saying dont have fun with him he cheated he doesn't deserve your happiness. Im so ****ing confused and messed with my feeling. i know leaving him wont change how i feel but maybe it would help me to move on but i doubt i will actaully ever leave him at least while my kids are young i dont know
Interesting comment.

Are you dwelling on it in order to punish him?

Do you deserve your happiness? What about your daughter? Does she deserve your happiness?
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Old 13th August 2015, 5:56 AM   #6
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[QUOTE=stupidkittten;6490361]When he cheated on you, what happened? Did you break up for a while and try to figure it out or did you feel as though you had to stick it out?

he cheated on me when i was 6 months pregnant then told me when i was 8 months pregnant that he cheated and i stayed with him. i was so close to having the baby and i had noone else close to me i felt i needed him. it was hell with all the hormones and it still brings me a great deal of pain on how alone i felt. WE dont argue and i pretend to me happy for my kids but i dont know if i cant keep it up and he has extreme anxiety and depression so only attempts to tell him how i feel dont go over well
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Old 13th August 2015, 6:06 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by MidKnightDreams View Post
Interesting comment.

Are you dwelling on it in order to punish him?

Do you deserve your happiness? What about your daughter? Does she deserve your happiness?
yes i suppose i am dwelling on it to punish him but everytime i try to move and forgive he goes out gets drunk and acts retarded and once time came home drunk accused me of cheating on him which i never did or ever would . stuff like that makes very hard to move on from. Yes my daughter deserve my happiness and they do make me very happy but thier dad makes them very happy too and i dont want to take that away from them. also when i see them with their dad i feel so happy too its all so confusing
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Old 13th August 2015, 9:55 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by adreamwithinadream View Post
I am currently with my children's dad but i dont know how much longer i can be with him. I do love him so much but i really don't think we would still be together if we didn't have two kids together. He is a wonderful dad and my daughter love him. I really dont want have to my daughters to have to only have part time daddy. How do parent make this work? When I see him with the kids, i still love him. He is all i could wish for in a prefect dad but he cheated on me when i was pregnant and i cant get over it. The pain never goes away. I stay with him because i do still love him but mostly just for my kids. Will i feel better if i leave him or will i feel completely awful for causing a split home for my kids? Just want to know how other parents that left their spouses made things work? and if they ever regrets leaving their spouses?
I will tell you from experience that staying for the kids is not beneficial for them, they pick up on a lot more than we realize. I tried to stay with my ex for the kids because i thought it would give the kids more stability etc, but the reality is if you are not happy, your kids will notice and it will affect them. IF you are that unhappy, try counseling and if that does not help you may want to leave. Hopefully he is a good enough dad to be a good co-parent. Is it easy to be a single parent? No, but in the end it may be what is best, but understand that it come with a whole new set of struggles.
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Old 14th August 2015, 12:41 AM   #9
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How about making a reality list of pros and cons on this idea of separate parenting and lives:

Pro: Being a family includes bumps along the way... persistance in maintaining has its plus!
Cons: I feel hurt in this marriage.

Pros: Being with a good father to our children is creating family memories... shared and traditional
Cons: It feels fake

single parenting is quite challenging,make no bones about it. The schedules are now entirely one persons duties. The bills as well. The heartaches become more tender... and the kids do miss the other parent ( yet they wont tell you because they ultimately put your needs before theirs sometimes). Special holidays will be split...Yet you'll have a mental acuity that says... things are stabler now... And my heart is healing. You'll will yourself into happier times.
My adult advice is to seek counseling... for yourself. And for the marriage.
My parent advice is... love your children more then the indiscretion. This includes keeping them safe from some adult turmoils.
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Old 14th August 2015, 1:05 AM   #10
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Well, my ex worked a lot and I was the main caregiver for the children when we were married, so it hasn't really been that hard in terms of adjusting. Sure they see their dad less than before in terms of hours per week, but now he has to devote his full attention to them while they are with him, as opposed to when we were together he got to use me to cherrypick and offload the tedious parts of childcaring/rearing onto me. So in that sense, they get more and better quality time with him now than when we were together, because it's all him when they are with him. They get his full attention, and he is getting the full experience of parenting and their full attention too, which wasn't happening before. The kids actually like it better too. At first they had to adjust to it though.
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