12 year old boy, issues?

[babydoll]

Why does my 12 year old act this way. Yesturday, I bought him a bike for passing grade 6. There fair is in town and my 8 year old , and him really wanted to go. Let me say that ive have no money, just scraping. So I gave them the lecture that we will get them a braclet and they could go on the rides, have one treat and maybe a game or two. Well we got there it started out great. They ran into some friends and were quite happy going from ride to ride. Suddenly it all stopped, they wanted games, and more games. I was totally serious that I had absoluly no money left yet they still pushed it, my son especially. So he retaliated by taking off on me. That was fine because I knew he wouldnt go to far because he is a mamas boy. And I followed my 8 year old around because she was back to having fun on the rides. Then my son decided to moop around with us, not getting on anymore rides and kept complaining he wanted to go home. Well my daughter was having a great time so why would I go, wouldnt be fair to her.

 

Anyways, last year on our vacation, we went to PEI, went to an amusement park, and he acted the same way. Wanted us to follow him around without thinking that his little sister my want to go certain places in the park to.

 

Now my kids dont go without even when I have absolutly no money. But it really pisses me off that he was being so selfish and spoiled last night. Hey, I wouldnt have mind going on a couple of rides myself, but instead I gave the kids everything I could for them to have a good time. I really dont know what to do about him, we are planning another trip to pei , I dont want to go through that again.

 

You may say it his age, maybe it is. I dont know. There was quite a difference between the way I was at 12 and the way he is. I was going out everynight, getting drunk, smoking dope when I was 12. He doesnt go anywhere without me(I like that kind of because I dont want him the way I was) his friends call for him , he will go out for about 15 minutes, then back in again. Most of his friends are younger. He is very intelligent, very much into detail, if you say it half the day, he will say"well actaully, it 3/4 and a half" for example. Very percise. He does well in school, although his work skills, like getting homework done have slipped. He liked to look at girls, but doesnt seem real interested. Im not really sure what is normal for a 12 year old. Like I said, im sure the way I was , is certainly not normal, but im not sure the way he is , is either. Im really starting to worry. Ive been reading true stories about serial killers lately and weird as it sound, as them serial killers are decribing the way they were when they were kids, holy moly , there seems to be a little resemblence.

 

Please help

 

Babydoll

[moimeme]

Don't read serial killer books. There are a zillion books about parenting, and almost as many websites. Go read some of those and you'll see that your boy is just a kid. He does need to make friends, and you may need to talk to a school counsellor or someone about that but I'd not panic over him just yet.

[babydoll]

I read countless parenting books, surf parenting websites, was top honours in school for childcare. Books dont even come close to explaining the emotions of a 12 years old. I can tell you that he is a mama's boy, he doesnt much like doing thing without me. Almost 2 years we moved from one of the better parts of the city, to the worst. Where we live now, kids are often doing, running around where they want, with no supervision because the parents are to busy getting drunk or high. There really is absolutly no for a child that a lonner to do. There isnt any woods to make camps, no senic areas to ride a bike(although yesturday I let him go on the harbour passage for a ride by himself) Which yes I think he is old enough to venture that far, but it doesnt stop a mother from worrying.

 

There are times I believe I must be sheltering him a little to much. But like I said at his age I was pretty much a punk ass kid getting into trouble. And my mother never seemed to care, either she really didnt know or she turned her back to it, but seeing how she actually smoked dope with me at 14 , I think she must have seen a problem. I didnt change until I got pregnet with my son at 16, where I turned everything around, school, responsibility, I still lived with my mother for 2 years after his birth before my son and I moved alone.

 

But this still doesnt explain why he acted so spoiled and selfish at the fair, and in many times. I talked to his father last night on the phone to try to get him to stop giving them money all the time, he says well its my money, I want to , instead of giving it to me so I can get what they need, and then tell me he is giving them $300 for passing. Whoa, that is alot of money for an 8 and 12 year old. Ive told him, tried to get him to help, but it looks as though im on my own.

[Samson]

You know, babydoll...................doesn't it seem just a tad ironic to you that, with your clear recollection of your own behavior at around your son's age, behavior which seems to be much more abbarent, that you should be worried about the boy's mopping because he couldn't go on more amusement park rides?

 

I mean, what if someone had denied you a toke on a bong when you were 12?

 

Wouldn't you have felt a little moppy?

[babydoll]

Ok, so really what you guys are saying is that its normal behavior for a 12 year old. I realize that he is caught in the middle of being a man and a child. I just want the very best for him, and well im not exactly what is normal behavior for a 12 year old seeing how I dont beleive I lived a "normal" 12 year old life, so I have nothing to compare to.

[lnichols]

I live in a small town and was a single parent when my son was 12. We went through some of the same things. I just let my sons know that 1) this is our financial situation, 2) that my rules were my rules and we all needed to be on the same page and 3) my expectations for him were clear from the start. 12 year olds are just like that! I expect that you may be beating yourself up for not having more money because everyone wants to be able to not have to worry about stuff like that. My son grew out of it and he is now a very well adjusted almost-17-year-old who has a good idea of the value of money. It is just that pre-puberty thing. He wants to show off for his friends. Get to know his freinds mothers. That was very helpful for me. In this way, you can be a support to each other. You can also trade experiences. AND you will know what other kids are doing when they aren't around your's. I learn a lot about my kid from talking to his friend's mothers.

[babydoll]

I agree a 100% with getting to know the others parents. But the truth is, he really doesnt have any friends. Well a couple of goofy turkeys , he is out with now. And I also have to say that I live in discounted housing in the worst part of the city. Most(not all)parents seriously dont give a **** what there kids are doing, as long as they are outside so the parents can continue there partiing or sleeping to get rid of there hangover. Its really not a good situation. Its not real nice to see these kids not supported, not disciplined, just thrown outside really to raise themselves on the street. Now we do live in a small city, we may have one murder here a years, low prostitution, but that is increasing because drug use in this city is on the rise. Just last week I watched my daughters best friend come home for lunch, 3 min later was walking back to school, in the rain, eating a sandwich. There is no supervision at the school for at least another 45 min, 8 years old left alone. Quite inronic that I was talking to my sister in law about my concern about this particular child, and it does turn out that she is often left alone, her mother had her at 14, and doesnt know her real father but one of the men that the mother was seeing for 4 years has been taking her , with her sister, every other weekend.

 

I know this started as concern for my own son, sorry I got off track there ranting about other parents. One thing I do know, is that im here for my children to give them what they need, support, discipline, love, and we have great communication in our family. We address each problem together. It just pisses me right off when I see little babies taking care of them selves.

[lnichols]

I'm with you 100%. Keep the communication going. That will put you ahead of everyone else in your neighborhood, sounds like. As a single prent of boys, my goal was to teach them how to be good men, good husbands and fathers. Ignore the so-called "research" predicting gloom and doom for children of single parents. As long as you are involved, it will make a difference. He'll turn out to be a good man.