1 1/2 year old, doesn't like me?! Or is it the terrible two's already? Moms??

[Miss_Behavin143]

This will sound so weird to some people I know, but I wanna see if anybody else had this problem at only a year and a half old!

 

My daughter, I swear I think she hates me and likes everybody BUT me. When I am like "Maddie, it's time to go night night" and grab her from my mom, dad, or someone else.. she says "noooo" or tries to slap me, starts crying, all of it!!! It's mostly at night time when she gets kinda mean towards me... but if I'm like "Maddie, come love momma!" she'll be like "noooo" Or sometimes even if I try to grab her from my dad (her poppaw) she'll be like "go!" and turn her head! I'm like.. hello?!?! I feed you, I put you to sleep, I change your diapers, I birthed ya, and why do you not like me?! lol

 

and! She knows who I am... when we play the "where's mamaw, where's poppaw, where's mama, where's whoever" kinda game.. she'll point to me when they say mama, but she NEVER just calls me mama! Do you know how bad that hurts your feelings when your own baby who should be calling you momma and mommy, doesn't! She just points to you?! Every once in awhile like if I come in the house or something she'll say mama and point to me... but I neverr get mama out of her, hardly ever, and she's getting sooo mean towards me. I know she's hitting that terrible two's stage early, I just don't know why she seems to still like everybody BUT me.. when I've done nothing but be sweet to her. Never yelled at her, popped her, anything, I always play with her, I don't get it???

 

Mommy's got any advice?!?

[pocoestrella]

[font=times new roman][/font]

 

Miss,

 

I have two little people myself... 3 and 6

 

I understand this must be very painful for you... but know that Maddie does love you! She may feel close to your parents however you are her mommy and that is special:)

 

My guess is Maddie knows this behaviour is getting a reaction from you... and at this age they really don't understand that it's hurtful... they just know it gets a rise from you and that gives them a little power in a otherwise pretty powerless place you know?

 

I would suggest spending a little more time with Maddie one on one... and never ever give up here! Tell Maddie often how much you love her, and pay attention to her even when you think you don't have the time... it will get better!

 

Good Luck

[NatDiggy]

I agree with poco.. Kids are smart, and she knows how to try and get what she wants by acting that way. You definitely need to spend a little more alone time with your daughter to have a stronger bond. If she spends a lot of time with the grandparents during the day, then she has a special bond as well. But make no mistake, she loves you. I'm sure things will get better. Good luck!

[Matilda]

This sounds like pretty normal 18 month old behavior. I would try to be very aware of what behavior is getting your attention. Toddlers don't have a lot to work with, so any behavior that makes them feel powerful is going to continue. When you say "Come love Mama" and then she says "No", I expect that she is getting a reaction from you.

 

I would try not give her a reaction at all to that "No", and try to change my way of getting "love" from her. Maybe just sit on the floor, and take one of her toys and kind of play with it, and let her come to you. Then do a little tickling once she is comfortable, and then tell her how much you love her. Or do whatever little game you feel comfortable with. I think she will much prefer the attention she gets from you in this interaction, and so leave the "No" behavior behind.

 

When my daughter was that age, I was a single parent and she stayed with Grandma while I worked. I clearly remember picking her up, and she would start fussing and crying. And Grandma would say, "Well she's been fine all day until you got here!" Of course this made me feel terrible, like she didn't want to see me, etc.

 

But that wasn't really the case, a lot of times when children see their parents after being away all day, school, daycare, Grandma's, whatever, when they see their parents they sort of lose it. It's like they've been holding it together all day in this other place, and they finally see their parent, who they feel comfortable enough with to let go, and so they do. It's kind of like when an adult goes to work, and is nice to people all day, because they have to be for their job, and then they come home and let loose. Like thank goodness, I can finally stop having to be so nice.

 

So, try not to take it so personally. Your baby loves you.

 

Here's a link to some info on 18 month old tantrums.

http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/toddler/toddlerbehavior/1213796.html

[Miss_Behavin143]

See, the thing is though, I do play with her, I lay in the floor and play with her and her toys, grab her and go around in circles, tickle her, take her swimming, outside, all that.... take her to the zoo, aquariums, we always stay busy, I try to spend as much time with her as I can. I don't know!? My way of saying "come love momma!" is just like "come give me a hug" and I usually say that if I'm even in the floor with her or something and she's just playing somewhere else instead of with me. lol I try not to do a reaction but I might be like "awwww, Maddie???" other than that.. that's it.

 

She DOES stay with my parents while I'm at work and school, so maybe that is the case, I don't know. I do know she loves them greatly and of course, is very close to them because she stays with them when I'm at work and college. So, maybe that's just it and I won't sweat it too much.

[lnichols]

I think the name of the game here is Power! Who has it and how wants it! As a toddler, she is trying out her autonomy for the first time and you are her first experiment. Having worked with pre-school aged children for 8 years, I can tell you that she needs to feel like she is in control of something in her environment. Look at from her point of view. Someone (you, likely), tell her when to go to bed, what to eat, what to wear, when to go out to play, sets all the boundaries... She wants to try out her little wings. So try to give her choices. Just little things, like a choice between two outfits, taking a bath now or after dinner, a choice between two snacks. Toddlers need rules and routine, and I am not suggesting that she run the house! Just little things that make her feel like she has some control. What she is doing is developmentally appropriate, so just know that she doesn't hate you. See what happens. It will give her the foundations for making decisions in the future and a healthy dose of confidence, which all children need. Let me know how it goes.

[supermom]

I agree with the other posters. Miss_Behavin, remember we chatted a bit about our kids? (mine is 1 1/2 too) Well when she gets mad at me she slaps, pulls hair, etc so it is normal.

 

I have been registered on the http://www.babycenter.com since I was preg and they have some wonderful tips. I have been receiving emails once a week from when she was in me to now....and it's helped.

 

The terrible twos are comming.....they can start now

 

Don't worry, it's just a phase..she did it to her dad only for awhile...I guess it's my turn now.

[disisit]

Hello! I am a father, not a mother, but I watch my 2 kids more than their mother so I have gone through it all. I think your daughter is just going through a phase. You will understand this in a few years if not sooner. Kids are constantly going through phases and they cannot control their phases any better than we parents can. You just have to ride it out. She will come around and start showing you her love. Don't stop giving her your love and don't take her actions personally. As parents we have to act like adults and put aside our childish assumptions. Good luck and hang in there!